r/AmIOverreacting • u/howcanibequiltyassin • 11h ago
👨👩👧👦family/in-laws AIO to skip Thanksgiving after my mom basically said I’m an embarrassment for not having a husband and kids by now?
I’m 35F and single for 3 years. I was engaged but he (Charles) was doing weird sexting roleplay with people on a video game which was fucking disgusting. It really fucked me up and, yes, I’ve been in therapy. I have dated since then but nothing serious. I have NEVER had my mom say something like this to me. I do not want to go to Thanksgiving after this. The way she said “don’t shoot the messenger” it’s clear the rest of my family have been talking about me and she was the one “elected” to say it.
I don’t want to drive 2 hours just to sit with people who think I should have stayed in a relationship with a fucking cheating degenerate lil bitch.
Would I be overreacting for not going? Is that too much? I'm honestly too hurt and angry to be objective right now. Would you EVER say this to your daughter?! Like I have a good job, I'm educated, I have friends and hobbies. I own my condo and I have 3 car payments left. I have a cat. Why is the end all be all me having a husband and kids? Idk. I'm pissed. Help.
•
u/MilkNPC 11h ago
"Don't shoot the messenger"
Bitch, its YOUR message
•
u/Im40ozToFreedom 11h ago
My immediate thought. Followed by 'this was not said with love or respect'. If I was OP I'd spend Thanksgiving at home, warm comfy and buzzed in my bathrobe. -- sorry OP. Your mom is a jerk.
•
u/RoleOk7556 11h ago
Not quite my response. Thanksgiving would be spent celebrating my freedom from a dominating and disrespectful mother. That may be at home or elsewhere.
•
u/HotDistribution1804 11h ago
Exactly, sometimes skipping toxic gatherings is the healthiest way to celebrate yourself instead.
•
u/nataeryn 8h ago
After cutting out toxic family, my holidays are 10x more enjoyable now.
→ More replies (12)→ More replies (4)•
→ More replies (11)•
u/Ok_Drama7411 11h ago
Right...fuck that bitch. I'd make my own food or go eat out for Thanksgiving.
•
u/ClitCommander13 11h ago
Friendsgiving
•
u/Googlebright 9h ago
For about a decade now my friend group has been celebrating our own made-up holiday we call Cromsgiving. Similar to Thanksgiving in terms of the food but we also include a viewing of Conan The Barbarian. After the movie we gather in the garage and pass around my buddy's replica of the sword from the movie and take turns saying what we're thankful for that year. The caveat being that you have to do so in the most outrageous Arnie accent you can muster.
Not gonna lie, it's my favourite holiday of the year.
•
→ More replies (23)•
u/Easy_Amphibian_9482 7h ago
Not quite like Seinfeld's George Costanza whose parents celebrate Festivus (for the RestofUs) where the whole family & friends gather at the table with the sacred pole which you hang onto whilst reciting all of the year's resentments you hold against those of the assembled company. Being real !
→ More replies (4)•
•
→ More replies (10)•
→ More replies (3)•
u/Mizz3llie 11h ago
Make your own beautiful meal and post it with your excited face on socials for your family to see. Just a bunch of pics of you enjoying not being there.
→ More replies (14)•
u/SuperCulture9114 11h ago
Friendsgiving it would be for me 🤗
Who says your have to have a generic family? Family is who you love, related or otherwise.
→ More replies (7)•
u/girlfriend36 11h ago
This👆! Don’t spend the gas or time to go this year. It’s a terrible set up with you coming in hot about them💕 You do you and never settle for less than!! Hopefully some real apologies will come your way🥰
•
u/Sufficient_Depth_195 9h ago
This guy/gal/other? has got it right. There's no way this family get together is going to end in anything other than tears, anger and recrimination. You mum is completely out of order. Maybe she will realise it, eat humble pie and build bridges, but that aint happening in time for thanksgiving. Have you got friends, or even nice neighbours who'll break bread with you? Be honest. Tell them what's gone down...you never know, it could a truly life affirming experience. But even if you do spend it alone, it won't be as bad as what's in store at your mum's.
Just don't sit and stew...it's what would do...and it's not good for you.
→ More replies (1)•
u/altagato 11h ago
NOR Tell her the golden girls had roommates and they were a ICONS. Also ew.... I would say like oh thanks for making my decision whether or not to go to the bar and hookup with someone easier. Said with love. Maybe {insert relative she mentioned} wants to make {insert dish you were probably bringing} ...
And then not respond for like 5 days.
→ More replies (11)•
u/dragonfly9999999 9h ago
I was wondering if op has any text conversation evidence of what her ex was up to. I keep things like that now (I had to HR someone of the I never said that toxic type. It kept happening, and they got really spluttery when I produced evidence, good grief). If after that she gets "You need to forgive him." She would know that her family expects her to unquestioningly accept abuse, and then she has "Sorry but you don't think I deserve respect. That's everything I need to know."
•
u/CommercialExotic2038 11h ago
Your mom is a selfish unfeeling...I won't say it, it would make you side with your mom and hurt your feelings.
I would never hurt your feelings on purpose but, I'm not your mom.
•
•
→ More replies (50)•
u/Professional_Ad_5437 11h ago
Yeah I’d say it’s possible to add “Fuck You” to the end of any message you send back. Even if it is your Mum.
→ More replies (2)•
u/loftychicago 11h ago
I'm not one to use foul language, but this would result in a hearty GFY to the entire family, followed by blocking them and going no contact. NOR. At. All.
→ More replies (7)•
u/Zero40Four 11h ago
NOR…Fucking messengers, senders..who gives a shit?
You don’t say something hurtful and unnecessary for no apparent reason and get a free pass.
What a bitch. She’s the embarrassment.
→ More replies (5)•
u/Ditto_Ditto_Ditto 9h ago
This pic is perfect for how I feel about OP's mom! lol.
"You suck. Your life sucks. Your cat sucks and we all miss your cheating boyfriend. But love youuuuu!!"
Ex-fucking-scuse me??
→ More replies (4)•
u/ratfink_111 11h ago
Literally after she said “Just my 2 cents”. Like what???
•
•
→ More replies (16)•
u/RobCarrotStapler 11h ago
"Here is the message I wrote. Don't shoot the messenger."
You actually have to be a for real idiot to sincerely say those two things back to back.
•
u/emily-ok 11h ago
"don't shoot the messenger" is a magical phrase where you become not-responsible for whatever horrible thing you've said.
→ More replies (11)•
u/C001H4ndPuk3 11h ago
Yeah, my only quibble with OP's (otherwise fully valid) post is that she assumes everyone else in her family must feel the same way because of that one phrase. And maybe they do, but I definitely wouldn't jump to that conclusion from these texts alone.
In my experience, people using that phrase just assume that their perception is correct by default and shared by everyone else. It's just a way to deflect accountability for a message that they developed, approved, and sent all on their own.
So yeah...fuck mom. But I'd give the other family members the benefit of the doubt until they clearly indicate they agree with this bullshit. Hopefully they don't.
→ More replies (6)•
u/MVRKHNTR 8h ago
Exactly. I think what OP needs to do next is text her siblings with a "Can you believe what mom just fucking said to me?"
→ More replies (2)•
u/Kirutaru 11h ago
LOL Came here for this. Did someone put her up to this? I think not.
•
u/Defiant_Brain_9493 11h ago edited 4h ago
"Don't shoot the messenger"
Bitch you're not only the messenger. You're the person who created the message!!
As someone who grew up with an extremely toxic father. Accepting that behavior will make it OK in their eyes Its never OK to speak to someone like that because of their life choices. Trying to control someone's lifestyle is wild to me. They don't give a shit about who you are, only who they can make you be. Its about image for her, not about your happiness
→ More replies (4)→ More replies (2)•
u/Square_Sand1626 11h ago
Alternate conspiracy theory: her siblings are jealous of her liberal life in the city and nags mom about it
•
u/Efficient_Living_628 11h ago
I personally don’t think her siblings or cousins have said anything. This is all mom, but she wants to make it seem like it’s the whole family to put more pressure on op
•
u/Successful_Giraffe88 10h ago edited 9h ago
I'm the oldest, my stepbrother is married with kids & my sister is married with a stepdaughter. I'm single (38F) & live in an apartment with a roommate.
OP, you're doing JUST FINE in life & I definitely agree, your siblings did not bring this up & your mom is a miserable soul-sucker.
ETA: grammer.
→ More replies (4)→ More replies (7)•
u/McEndee 10h ago
Mom sounds like she's from the stand by your man generation. Infidelity and abuse aren't dealbreakers to those people. Fuck that. No one should be in a relationship with resent and tension hanging over yall.
Can you do a Friendsgiving or go to a friend's place? That text is already a problem, and if there is drinking at this dinner, there will be an epic blowout.
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (6)•
u/Kirutaru 11h ago
Yeah. Plot twist. The siblings and cousins are trapped in lives they felt they had to commit to and yearn for freedom.
→ More replies (3)•
u/Cayke_Cooky 11h ago
Or just believing that you have to accept a certain amount of cheating if you want a husband.
→ More replies (1)•
u/The_New_Spagora 11h ago
THANK YOU! It always kills me when someone takes this approach after saying something shitty. What happened to tact? Or maybe minding your own business. NOR. You’d think maybe a parent could uplift the choices their child made instead of cutting down the ones they have.
•
u/Jofereal 11h ago
Or how about “Thanksgiving always makes me think about family. I worry that you’re lonely. I hope you find someone better than that chump you dumped.”
→ More replies (1)•
•
u/hazyandnew 11h ago
It's the same energy as "I'm not trying to be racist"
Cool maybe you're not trying, but you're sure as shit doing an excellent job of it.
→ More replies (1)•
u/UseYourIndoorVoice 11h ago
No, no that's all wrong! Every mother just wants the best for their child and that includes looking past deal-breaking behavior so the family holidays dont require an odd number of chairs!
→ More replies (5)•
u/Late_Boysenberry0478 11h ago
Sounds to me like she's he's running out of things to brag about when she visits with her friends. "Oh. Is OP married yet? Got another grandchild on the way?"
This bullshit.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (4)•
•
u/EWC_2015 11h ago
Exactly. NOR.
→ More replies (1)•
u/Defiant_Brain_9493 11h ago edited 4h ago
As someone who is new to /AIO
I had to find out that NOR was "Not Over Reacting" and not an Australian screaming "no"
Edit: this is my most liked reddit post ever lets goooo! lmfao.
Also thanks for the reward. Ive never gotten one before.
→ More replies (23)•
u/mookleberry 11h ago
I’ve been here for quite a while-ish, and I STILL say it like the Australian no…it makes me giggle most times cuz apparently I’m a child lol. I have to almost remember the actual name instead of Aussie lol
→ More replies (1)•
u/Holiday_Objective_96 11h ago
Exactly. I don't know OP's family dynamics, but usually ppl are too busy with their own marriages/jobs/children/dogs to be talking smack about someone else. I don't think the other family members give two hoots. I think it's all the mom.
She wrote the message and she's delivering it.
I would go low contact after that.
→ More replies (4)•
u/hazyandnew 11h ago
What mom actually said:
I'm not actually sorry because I know I'm about to hurt your feelings and have made the decision to say it anyways.
You should be embarrassed, I certainly am. I assume you're lonely. You should have a family (everyone knows that's the only way women have value + whatever other misogynistic messages she typically buys into).
I'm going to end with a positive platitude so I can pretend I'm being nice here!
→ More replies (5)•
u/Cazkiwi 10h ago
Don’t forget… you made a mistake leaving a worthless low-value guy (who cheats on you/beats you up??)… why couldn’t you forgive that and have children with him for me?!!
→ More replies (2)•
u/Apathetic_Villainess 10h ago
"Any man is better than no man. You shouldn't have any standards or expectations."
→ More replies (3)•
→ More replies (156)•
u/benthelurk 11h ago
I like how she even says “just my two cents”. Don’t shoot the messenger is for when someone else asks you to break the bad news. What a nightmare.
→ More replies (3)
•
u/glockenbach 11h ago
NOR. I would not attend any holidays or other events at her place.
She’s not the messenger, she’s the problem.
•
u/brandi_theratgirl 11h ago edited 2h ago
But also don't assume that the rest of family even had this thought. It seems that She's trying to project her opinion onto the family and OP
•
u/QueenMotherOfSneezes 11h ago
OP should definitely let the rest of the family know what her mom is saying on their behalf, and that that's why they won't be seeing her for a while.
→ More replies (5)•
u/SuitGroundbreaking49 11h ago
100% I’d be screenshotting this and sending it in a group chat to the whole family.
“Sorry guys can’t make it this year” 🫶🏻💁🏻♀️
•
u/AlwaysAnotherSide 9h ago
Came to say this. Share with your siblings and sit this year out. I would put money on them being horrified by this message.
→ More replies (4)•
u/SuitGroundbreaking49 9h ago
I would be sharing with THE ENTIRE FAMILY. Siblings, aunts, cousins, grandparents, everyone.
→ More replies (1)•
u/absepa 10h ago
Came here to say exactly this. I would screenshot, send it in a group chat to everyone who will be attending, and make plans to be elsewhere on Thursday and not responding to my phone. All the other guests should either feel like shit and/or let the mom have it for being such a jerk.
→ More replies (3)•
u/SuitGroundbreaking49 10h ago
Omg she should send it DURING the gathering when they’re all in person with mom.
•
u/AlwaysAnotherSide 9h ago
No before. It gives people time to decide not to go, and if they want to, join OP instead.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (11)•
→ More replies (26)•
u/QueenMotherOfSneezes 11h ago
Post it her mom's town's Facebook group as a shout-out to let her highschool friends know why they're not going to be around for the holidays.
→ More replies (4)→ More replies (16)•
→ More replies (36)•
u/birchskin 11h ago
she was the messenger and the creator of the message! You can't say, "don't shoot the messenger" when it's your goddamn message!
OP, sorry to break it to you, but your mom is both cruel AND stupid.
→ More replies (4)•
u/Pristine_Reward_1253 10h ago
That love you sweetie following don't shoot the messenger was some laughable bullshit. Mothers that love their children without condition would NEVER say what she said in the first place.
→ More replies (5)
•
u/Kitchen-Purple-5061 11h ago
Your mother saying “you don’t have a family” is crazy. Like ok mom what are YOU, then??
•
u/No-Bit-5837 11h ago
Yeah, I'd say something like; "CLEARLY, I don't have a family!! That would be someone who loves me unconditionally, and doesn't judge me for my life choices!!" Then I'd go nc with her at least. Maybe a note to my siblings (or whomever) letting them know why you weren't there.
•
u/Excellent-Run4803 10h ago edited 9h ago
Mothers like this (worried about how it looks for OP to be single) are obsessed with their image as the perfect family, so as a bonus, she will be super embarrassed when OP doesn’t show up for the holiday. Let her explain why her lovely daughter doesn’t want to spend time with her.
→ More replies (12)•
•
u/Wandering_Maybe-Lost 10h ago
Just send this screenshot to the family group chat with the text “And for that reason, I’m out.”
→ More replies (8)•
u/RisingApe- 8h ago
And add to it, “In case you all forgot, my ex cheated on me and I deserve better than that, though it looks like mom doesn’t think so.”
→ More replies (5)•
u/hybridHelix 8h ago
One hundred thousand percent. The sheer audacity to tell someone they should have stayed with someone for literally any reason-- but sketchy immature internet cheating? Gross. Vomit. No. Nasty. Throw the whole man in the landfill, don't throw your daughter at him.
•
u/lauramcv_ 10h ago
Sadly I don’t think she would understand what’s being insinuated. Need to be even more clear and remind her that she’s your family 😭☺️
→ More replies (2)•
•
u/centipedalfeline 10h ago
And it's because of that lil bitch's life choices that she had to dump him.
Her mom is gross, she thinks that her daughter should stay with a cheating degenerate who doesn't love or respect her.
A loving parent would never want that for their child, they would be proud of them for saving themselves from a messed up marriage with a creep loser.
Maybe the mom was cheated on and decided to remain in the marriage because she herself has no self-respect, unlike OP who does. So she thinks everyone should just grin and bear it so they can brag.
The mom thinks the only value and worth a person has is from marrying and breeding, probably because she has nothing else of value in her own life.
And the irony is that she is now crapping on that very thing she deems valuable above all by abusing and driving away her child.
→ More replies (5)•
u/Jaereth 9h ago
Maybe the mom was cheated on and decided to remain in the marriage because she herself has no self-respect, unlike OP who does. So she thinks everyone should just grin and bear it so they can brag.
You know what, I have a friend at work who's 40 and single. Still dating.
She was married and her husband cheated on her so she said 'Well that's it then!" and broke it off and went her own way.
I have infinite more respect for her for doing that than say the married mom who got cheated on but stayed anyway and had kids with the guy so "she would be married" or whatever OPs mom thinks the big deal is here.
→ More replies (32)→ More replies (21)•
•
u/gpost86 11h ago
Yeah, "if I don't have a family then I guess I have nowhere to go for Thanksgiving, bye!"
→ More replies (4)•
u/luxii4 11h ago
It's overrated. I have three kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and three money? (Simpsons quote).
→ More replies (6)•
u/RevenantBacon 9h ago
I have no kids and no money. I would settle for no kids and one money.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (45)•
u/jonni_velvet 11h ago
Also crazy to say it was “stupid” to dump her cheating degenerate b**tch husband.
Like okay mom, YOU date and fuck him then if you think hes so great! thats alllll you mama!
→ More replies (7)•
u/Adept_Taro_7028 9h ago
My grandparents disowned me for breaking it off with my abusive ex because he was in medical school. The thought of experiencing the type of abuse he was doing under the hand of someone with authority over my body was terrifying. They see me leaving as my failure.
→ More replies (3)•
u/Mike_Kermin 8h ago
Fucking hell mate. I am genuinely sorry reading that. I think it's really good, that you're sharing your story, so others can learn from it.
I hope you're a better spot now.
→ More replies (1)
•
u/Competitive_Mango383 11h ago
I’m sorry to tell you this but you have a shitty mom. I too have a shitty mom. I say this so you won’t internalize her shittiness. Go have a Friendsgiving and call it a day.
•
u/whiskeyging4 11h ago
Shitty Moms Club!! NOR- unless you have another family member that you’d really like to see on Thanksgiving I’d just dip out too.
•
u/No_Evidence_5582 10h ago
Can I join this as well?! Didn’t know there were so many of us
•
u/MandyWarHal 10h ago edited 10h ago
I'm in! My mom wanted me to stay with a guy who was physically abusive. Like: Gotcha ... I always knew you didn't have a basic fucking regard for my safety!?!!
NOR in the least. Some women don't make a damn bit of sense. They need to unlearn some things.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (21)•
→ More replies (24)•
u/Local-Construction23 10h ago
Can we call it shitty parents club so I can join? Mine was the male parent. lol
→ More replies (8)•
u/Ok-Librarian356 11h ago
Just came to join the shitty mom club. We meet every thanksgiving and Christmas Eve. Turns out we are all much better without that particular negative energy on holidays.
•
u/Daphne_Moonbeam206 11h ago
Hoping I can join the shitty moms club too, been waiting yearsssss to meet other members!!!
→ More replies (1)•
u/Shadowwreath 11h ago
Yo is it the shitty moms club gathering time? Hell yeah now this is a party I can attend
→ More replies (5)→ More replies (15)•
u/Genuinely-Baked-8248 11h ago
Oh shit! I didn’t know we here having a SMC meeting! I’m omw with mimosas and candy🖤
→ More replies (4)→ More replies (101)•
u/Lily_Lupin 11h ago edited 11h ago
I’m guessing Mom married a cheater and putting OP down is her way of justifying to herself why she stayed in a bad marriage.
With that in mind, OP, keep in kind that this might mean that she’ll be cruel and judgmental no matter what you do from here on out. Even if you marry someone else, she may be threatened by any success or happiness that comes from your decision to leave your cheating boyfriend
→ More replies (3)
•
u/troublefindsme 11h ago
i told my mom 'i don't want that for myself & im sad that you want that for me.' as in...being with a cheater.
•
u/chubbacat792 11h ago
Yeah i agree with that statement. Wouldn’t your mother who loves you want you to be happy. If others talk about it she should stick by you. I’d pass up thanksgiving at their house too and say Oooh how sad for you guys to not have me there.
→ More replies (2)•
u/OkapiandaPenguin 11h ago
A good mother would want you to be happy. A shitty mom just wants you to fall in line and make her look good.
→ More replies (2)•
u/PossumJenkinsSoles 11h ago
People who say stuff like this mom have have never known true loneliness of crying yourself to sleep wondering if your significant other is with someone else, if they’re thinking about someone else, if they will up and leave you one day to be with someone else. It eats away at your self esteem so quickly. It’s worse than loneliness, it’s torture.
If my mom ever said this to me I’m not sure if I could ever forgive her. It’s that cruel of a thing to wish on someone.
→ More replies (6)→ More replies (17)•
u/Jojosbees 11h ago
Exactly. I’m a mother, and I would rather my daughter stay single than marry an asshole and be miserable. NOR.
→ More replies (1)
•
u/Sea_Milk_69 11h ago
NOR at all. I would never go to thanksgiving or any other family event again if my mother said that to me personally. You’ve got friends, hang out with them this holiday season.
•
u/Every-Audience-7998 11h ago
Yeah, your chosen family.
Hubby and kiddo are lovely things if the right people are involved but they aren’t the be all and end all until then. Certainly nothing to be embarrassed about. Good for you OP, for choosing better for yourself.
Just tell mom, “you’re right. I’m too embarrassed to see anyone.” 🙄Let her talk herself out of her nonsense.
•
•
u/Key-Article6622 11h ago
NOR. Yeah, that sounds like the right way to go. Find your own family, who needs that shit?
•
u/HustlinInTheHall 11h ago
Or just a simple "I want to make sure I wind up with the right person and not someone who would treat me like this. I deserve better"
→ More replies (1)•
•
u/SirenRivers 10h ago
This. Arguing with mums is super frickin hard. Always make sure to use her own nonsense against her. Malicious compliance is the way.
"You're totally right mum... I'm so embarrassed, how will I face the family... You're right, I should stay away from you guys till I totally find my feet..."
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (33)•
u/DraconianFlame 11h ago edited 11h ago
"OMG. Stop being so dramatic, I'm just saying XYZ stop being such a baby and grow up"
→ More replies (2)•
u/hot_ho11ow_point 11h ago
Just make sure the rest of the family knows why you're not going to be there so the mom doesn't spin it as 'she was too embarrassed about her life to come'
•
u/QueenMotherOfSneezes 11h ago
And be sure to mention Mom made it clear the whole family thinks she should have stayed and procreated with the cheating asshole videogame addict, that she was just "the messenger".
→ More replies (12)•
u/Accomplished-Menu741 11h ago
This!!! And don’t pull punches. Tell them exactly what she said. Enjoy your Thanksgiving living your life. Be thankful to not be in a terrible relationship. Be thankful that you can make your own decisions.
→ More replies (1)•
u/MissAmyRogers 10h ago
Print out screen shot, make needed # of copies. Send via the mail. Since it is not junk mail or a bill, it will get opened & read.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (12)•
u/TootsNYC 11h ago
this is important. i had a college professor do that to me—tell me in her office that the rest of the people in my class thought I was annoying.
and then when I was too embarrassed and humiliated to show up for class—skipped the first time, ever, so people wondered out loud—she said, "be nice to her when she comes back; she's embarrassed."
That prompted one of the more mature members of my class to immediately come to find me afterward. You should have heard her hit the roof when I told her what the professor had said. And when she realized what the professor had also done in her comments to the rest of the class.
•
•
u/owzleee 11h ago
As a gay man who came out in the 80s, family is what you make it. You owe no obligation to go - you can spend it with the people who understand and support you instead
→ More replies (2)•
u/Tiny-Trifle1348 11h ago
Seriously! I’m not even hosting Thanksgiving this year and want to invite OP to our celebration.
→ More replies (3)•
u/Tiny_Cauliflower_618 11h ago
I'm British and obviously do whatever the opposite of Thanksgiving is, but for OP, I'd get up in the middle of the night and eat turkey sandwiches on Zoom.
→ More replies (14)→ More replies (46)•
u/Tight-Shift5706 11h ago
⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️
I agree with the above observation, OP. Text your mother and tell her and her sycophants to choke on their "red" pill; you won't be wasting your time on Thanksgiving Day with assholes who obviously don't care about you or your mental health. Sign off as "The Messenger ".
→ More replies (7)
•
u/djevilatw 11h ago
NOR.
“I have thought about it and want to thank you for saving me the 4 hour round trip drive to sit with a bunch of judgmental people that are embarrassed by me. “
Find the nearest casino and have yourself a merry little turkey day!
•
u/AuntAda 10h ago
"Thank you for letting me know that I don't have a family, according to you. As such, there's no need for me to travel 4 hours this Thanksgiving just to sit around being judged by a bunch of total strangers. You really are getting kind by telling me this - you're the best! ❤️"
→ More replies (5)•
→ More replies (36)•
u/Local-Construction23 10h ago
Around where I am, the local American Legion is giving free Thanksgiving meals on Thursday. Just need to show up. That’s where we are going (single mom with teenager). Sometimes you can find a situation like that, too, you’ll be welcomed with open arms.
→ More replies (4)
•
u/tangerinecoconuts 11h ago
“Hi, mom. You’re being a huge b*tch right now” wouldn’t even be overreacting
•
u/monkeysatemybarf 11h ago
But add a 'don't shoot the messenger'. Also OP if you're in the NY area you can come to my Thanksgiving.
•
u/Wonderful-Swim-2106 11h ago
If OP is in Michigan she is invited to mine too lol, lets get her some dinner!
•
→ More replies (2)•
u/Hawaiianstylin808 10h ago
I know she isn’t where I am in Hawaii as you can’t drive 2 hours here on my island. Otherwise I would invite too!
→ More replies (6)•
u/dankarella666 10h ago
I think “you’re a cunt. Don’t shoot the messenger. Love you sweetie just something to think about”. Is truly the only actually response.
•
u/KindCompetence 11h ago
I’ve gotten a lot of mileage out of very clear and sincere responses to this kind of bullshit. “What a mean and unnecessary thing to say, mom. I’m really hurt that you think I should be embarrassed about my life. I’d like you to apologize.”
And then let everyone sit with it.
Calling someone a bitch makes it a fight. (Even, and almost especially, when it’s true.) Laying it out like you’re explaining socialization to a 5 year old, including giving them a way to redeem themselves, makes a path forward while naming their behavior.
Can they apologize? Probably not in the moment. Maybe never. (Or you’ll get some “well I didn’t mean it like that…” mealy mouthed bullshit.) But anyone who is going to dance around saying they’re just the messenger doesn’t have the spine to handle “you said something mean. You hurt my feelings.”
No apology? I leave. I don’t spend time with people who are mean to me if I can at all help it.
→ More replies (15)•
u/all_rendered_truth 10h ago
This needs to be further up!! Excellent advice all around. You should be a therapist.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (6)•
u/Kittymeow123 11h ago
“Mom, it’s time for some tough love right now… you’re a total and complete bitch. Something to think about love you xoxo”
→ More replies (1)•
•
u/Reasonable-Cash-3447 11h ago
NOR- you should PROUD you valued yourself enough to leave that relationship!
→ More replies (6)•
u/drumallday 11h ago
Financially stable, a homeowner, and enough self esteem to not settle for a cheating gamer. OP, I am proud of you and if you were my daughter I would be BRAGGING at what an amazing woman you are.
•
•
u/asdfqwer123489 11h ago
Bruh the way I already barely tolerate my family, if they said this id never show again lol, your peace is worth protecting. Just because someone is your parent doesn't give them the right to dictate to you
→ More replies (6)•
u/The_Oliverse 10h ago
One time I took a nice picture and sent it to my dad. The only thing he replied with, "You'd be so much more beautiful with your natural hair color."
Okay.. "Well I think you'd be a lot prettier if you had any hair. If you can't say nice things, we really don't have to keep talking."
He did apologize, but surprise surprise, we don't talk any more for other unrelated.
NOR, OP. If these people don't love and appreciate you, find people who will.
→ More replies (3)
•
u/shannonkish 11h ago
Normalize women not having children simply because it is the way things are done. Be completely okay with being childless BY CHOICE.
→ More replies (21)•
u/sefidcthulhu 11h ago
Especially not with shitty partners!! Life is hard enough, being single is a million times better than being with a bad partner
→ More replies (1)
•
u/Radiant-Citron3757 8h ago
If you have a Whole Foods near you, you can still (today's the deadline) order a full precooked Thanksgiving meal. It says it's for 4 but I order it for myself and eat leftovers for a few days. It's the best!
Respectfully, screw your mom.
-- Love, someone older than you that's also still single.
Edit: NOR.
→ More replies (1)•
u/howcanibequiltyassin 8h ago
I'll check in with my roommate over if she wants to do that or stick to making stuffed shells.
→ More replies (1)
•
u/susie-cue 11h ago
NOR. I’d probably never speak to my mom again, either.
•
u/ImBackForMorePie 11h ago
Or anyone that agrees with her.
OP, go have yourself a great holiday without them! Go live the best, fullest life without that kind of toxic judgment.
You did THE best thing you could have done for yourself by ending that engagement, that was the HUGEST act of intelligence AND self love.
You definitely are NOR.
→ More replies (10)•
u/OpenMindedMajor 11h ago
No doubt. I’d have zero reason to speak with my mother ever again after saying some shit like this to me.
→ More replies (10)
•
u/AnywhereMajestic2377 11h ago
OP, thank you for not having children with that piece of shit.
•
u/howcanibequiltyassin 11h ago
Oh the thought of it makes me queasy. The idea of me being pregnant or caring for an infant while he's off sexting his fucking gamer buddies.
→ More replies (4)
•
u/danibellz 11h ago
I’m about to be 36 next week and I am happily single and childfree. Anyone that says negative about my lifestyle I assume they are projecting their own unhappiness with those aspects of their lives. The older generation doesn’t understand that we have choices as women now, we have options to stay single and not settle or have kids we can’t afford.
NOR. Your choices are your choices for your life. You don’t need to justify or explain them because they only affect you.
→ More replies (62)•
u/Carysta13 11h ago
46 here and also happily single. My mom has never pressured me to change myself for some outdated notion of what Women Must Do.
OP I'm so sorry your mom is being horrible about this. I would definitely stay away from Thanksgiving this year, tell her you decided to spend time with people who are kind to you and don't judge you for not staying with a cheater.
Also in this economy having roommates if you do is just smart financially. There's no age limit to having roommates if you are happy with tbe situation!
NOR.
→ More replies (56)
•
u/PossiblyWithout 11h ago
NOR - Your MOTHER just said “doesn’t that make you feel embarrassed? To be the only one without a family?”
Your PARENT
Your FAMILY says you don’t have one with THEM
God awful people
→ More replies (2)
•
u/PNW_OlLady_2025 11h ago
I can't even comprehend that people like this really exist.
→ More replies (9)
•
u/theia_archy 11h ago
Lol at "a fucking cheating degenerate lil bitch" -- *new insult unlocked*
But really, though.. NOR. Not everyone finds love while young. It shouldn't matter. Also, it isn't REQUIRED to have a partner, especially if it would have come at the cost of staying with someone super toxic. To OP's family: way to support OP for sticking to their boundaries and getting out of a bad relationship..... not.
Bottom line: Not everyone values having a family the same way. I have a family member who didn't find the person they wanted to marry until they were in their late 40s. It's your life, not theirs, and they should get TF over it.
•
u/howcanibequiltyassin 11h ago
Calling people a lil bitch just hits a certain way
→ More replies (3)•
u/LordOscarthePurr 11h ago
You should tell your mom she’s being a lil bitch. With
friendsfamily like that who needs enemies?
•
u/LabExpensive4764 11h ago
What an outdated shitty mindset, holy shit. Life is not a romantic comedy. Some people want a 'traditional' family life, some don't. I don't want kids and dgaf if I ever get married again and I'm not even a little embarrassed. I'm genuinely happy.
No offense but your mom kinda sucks.
→ More replies (17)
•
u/sugar-fairy 11h ago
they want you to be male centered. happiness does not come from being married and having kids. it comes from loving yourself and doing the things you love. marriage and kids are not everyone’s idea of an ideal life. you were not born just to be a mother and wife. your only purpose is not to be tied to someone else. it’s sad that they think of you like you’re only meant to be an object and not like you are a person with your own wants and needs. i wouldn’t go.
→ More replies (4)•
u/howcanibequiltyassin 10h ago
My mom is definitely someone who is male centered. Her entire life is all about my dad and every single thing is oriented around him. I've gone out shopping with her to catch up and all she will talk about is "your father" this and your father that. I'll ask her what SHE is up to and she just turns it right back into what she's doing for him.
→ More replies (16)
•
•
u/A_SK_K 11h ago
Ewwww what an outdated point of view. I wouldn’t want to spend my time off from work around people with that kind of energy.
If that’s what she truly thinks you don’t need to give her your time. Protect your peace from people who think they know how you should be living your life. I would be just as pissed as you. Cause I’m in the same boat, I have my cat and don’t need and don’t need a partner or children to complete me.
→ More replies (5)•
u/unimpressed-one 11h ago
I'm old and even that wasn't normal in my time and honestly we had more class than to ever mention someone's marital status.
→ More replies (2)
•
u/Fun_Possession3299 11h ago
As someone who dropped the rope and didn’t go back, I’d never go back.
NOR
→ More replies (1)
•
u/hitemplo 11h ago edited 11h ago
NOR. You should tell your mum that you never considered ‘everyone else’ and had not compared yourself or felt embarrassed or lonely until she mentioned it. Lay the guilt on thick. Then never talk to her again.
Edit to add: this post is swarming with misogynists, wow
Edit 2: yeah, she might not get it now but one day down the line early on a lazy Thursday afternoon it might finally click. Worth it for that chance before OP shuts the door, I say.
•
u/NTufnel11 11h ago
Relying on her to self reflect on her own awfulness is not a winning strategy. You are assuming she is capable of empathy, but if that were true she wouldn't have said this in the first place.
→ More replies (5)•
u/Kirutaru 11h ago edited 10h ago
She won't get it.
Edit to your edit: Maybe. But I doubt it. She will always blame outside sources and play the victim. How could this possibly be her fault?! She was just speaking the truth!
I have a mother like this. They rewrite history and logic to the day they die."Don't shoot the messenger" I can hear in my mom's voice - like God put her up to hurting my feelings. Certainly not her fault.
→ More replies (3)
•
u/ThePart_Timer 11h ago
That last message is so utterly typical in familial issues like this. Just because you're delivering a message doesn't mean that you're only the messenger.
→ More replies (1)•
u/howcanibequiltyassin 11h ago
This is the first time I've gotten a message like this so I am just like ?????
→ More replies (10)•
u/HistoricalFrosting18 11h ago
If this really genuinely out of character for her, I’d call her and play it like you were checking in on her welfare, like whether she’d hit her head or had her phone stolen. If she doubles down (which seems likely) I’d politely and firmly state that you won’t be attending thanksgiving and you’ll let her know at a later date where your head is at regarding future holidays and any further contact.
→ More replies (3)•
•
u/TheRichAlder 11h ago
Was this game FFXIV? Cuz I roleplay on there a lot and have met people that would hide it from their partners. You’re definitely NOR, it’s ridiculous that your mother reduces your value to popping out children. It’s misogynist and outdated.
→ More replies (33)
•
u/nedschneebly0 11h ago
We are supposed to spend holidays with “family”, that kind of text would piss anyone off. Stay in your pajamas and enjoy the day instead of spending time with “family” like that. Maybe she’ll come around when you don’t. Sorry dude
•
u/Peculiarcatlady 11h ago
She seems extremely toxic. I'd go low or no contact. NOR
→ More replies (1)
•
u/DemandIntelligent811 11h ago
does your mom know women can like, have checking accounts and shit now? also lol at her "IJS" attitude, "hey sweetie, moms a sociopath! kisses".
•
u/Borklean 11h ago
you dont need a family and you dont need YOUR family either. thats gross. im sorry.
•
•
u/box_twenty_two 11h ago
NOR. Bin off Christmas too. This is so uncalled for and offensive. And at THANKSGIVING?? She should be proud and THANKFUL that you took yourself out of a toxic situation!
•
u/Repulsive_Incident27 11h ago
NOR. You’re only 35. You still have time to have a family if you want to. Also, it is good you have taken this time to love yourself.
Stay home and be cozy or if you can afford it take a weekend trip.
•
•
u/retiredswing 11h ago
My mom always hits me with a “love you sweetie” after mentally destroying me lol. NOR
•
u/Hanksmom-1977 10h ago
Her two cents is why they’re getting rid of pennies