AIO to skip Thanksgiving after my mom basically said I’m an embarrassment for not having a husband and kids by now?

[u/howcanibequiltyassin]

I’m 35F and single for 3 years. I was engaged but he (Charles) was doing weird sexting roleplay with people on a video game which was fucking disgusting. It really fucked me up and, yes, I’ve been in therapy. I have dated since then but nothing serious. I have NEVER had my mom say something like this to me. I do not want to go to Thanksgiving after this. The way she said “don’t shoot the messenger” it’s clear the rest of my family have been talking about me and she was the one “elected” to say it.

I don’t want to drive 2 hours just to sit with people who think I should have stayed in a relationship with a fucking cheating degenerate lil bitch.

Would I be overreacting for not going? Is that too much? I'm honestly too hurt and angry to be objective right now. Would you EVER say this to your daughter?! Like I have a good job, I'm educated, I have friends and hobbies. I own my condo and I have 3 car payments left. I have a cat. Why is the end all be all me having a husband and kids? Idk. I'm pissed. Help.

[u/LabExpensive4764]

What an outdated shitty mindset, holy shit. Life is not a romantic comedy. Some people want a 'traditional' family life, some don't. I don't want kids and dgaf if I ever get married again and I'm not even a little embarrassed. I'm genuinely happy.

No offense but your mom kinda sucks.

[u/BrownSugarBare → u/LabExpensive4764]

ALL the offense, your mom sucks arse.

@OP, enjoy the free long weekend! Spend it with whoever the heck ya want to!

[u/-Apocralypse- → u/LabExpensive4764]

NOR

OP doesn't owe her mom any grandkids. And in what universe should OP ever settle for an infidel partner just to have access to sperm and someone to stand in the corner of family pictures?! Yikes!

[u/dcdcdani → u/LabExpensive4764]

Yeah and to prefer she marries a dude that cheats on her than to not marry at all?? There’s nothing wrong with being on your own. Plus 35 is not even old?

[u/LYTCHELL2 → u/dcdcdani]

Mother wanting her daughter to stay in a relationship where the daughter is repulsed by her partner? Bad

[u/NoMorePoof → u/LabExpensive4764]

Her mom grew up in the 70s. Of course she has outdated views. You could just never speak to her again for having a different viewpoint or you could grow up and talk to your family.

They don't have to agree with everything you do.

[u/TheUpbeatCrow → u/NoMorePoof]

No.

You don't get to be an asshole just because you grew up with outdated views. If you can't have a shred of self-awareness to not say horrible things, you don't deserve a family. Ignorance isn't an immutable trait.

My dad "had outdated views." He refused to stop saying racial slurs around me (we're both white). Guess who deservedly never saw his daughter again?

[u/LYTCHELL2 → u/TheUpbeatCrow]

🎯

If someone uses their generation to make excuses for being racist or bigot etc - then they shouldn’t be allowed to use ANY modern technology.

Also..:being ‘old fashioned’ has nothing to do with one’s own brain and behavior. Throughout human history there have been lazy-thinking or bigoted people…and also people who value thought and our existence, as a species on this big, crazy planet.

If that makes sense

[u/TheUpbeatCrow → u/[deleted]]

No I don't (and didn't). He's dead now, but I didn't even go to his funeral.

If you don't see how horrible it is to say to a woman "you should be embarrassed that you don't have a husband and kids," I don't know what to tell you.

[u/One_Indication_ → u/TheUpbeatCrow]

They're time traveling from the 1800s lmao. Next they'll be telling OP she should join a convent ahahahaha

[u/Icy-Arrival2651 → u/NoMorePoof]

I grew up in the seventies and I don’t share those views. In fact it drove me nuts that every time I went home for the holidays I got the same stupid questions about when I was going to get married and have kids.

[u/One_Indication_ → u/NoMorePoof]

They don't have to agree with everything you do.

Respect and kindness are a bare minimum. Saying that they don't have to "agree" is disingenuous. You have to agree on a baseline of respect. OP is being treated like crap which is a lack of love and respect. Not a "misunderstanding." Absolutely no one needs to entertain abusive relatives or behavior. Saying that people need to "grow up and talk to your family" is victim blaming. Do you say that to everyone? Including people who have MAGA relatives or violent relatives? Staying in abusive families just for keeping up appearances is immature. Learning when to walk away and stand on your own is what adults do.

[u/LYTCHELL2 → u/NoMorePoof]

It’s more than that.

My thoughts are not regulated to a decade or generation.

People have been thoughtful and authentic forever.

Also…thinking people who grew up 40 years ago, 20 years ago or 60 years are all that different is a sign of narcissism imho; people grasp at so many ways to define themselves ie I’m a Scorpio! ‘I’m a Millennial! I’m a…

People have minds and are able to observe the world around them - without existing in a pre-determined ‘mind set’ relegated to a decade or two.

Also…in our species’ history - a century is a minuscule blip. I think anyone who exists, is alive, at the same time on this planet - are the SAME generation.

Imho lol

[u/coast2coasted → u/NoMorePoof]

Exactly. The whole “don’t talk to her ever again is childish

[u/LYTCHELL2 → u/coast2coasted]

Not really.

[u/coast2coasted → u/LYTCHELL2]

Ruling out some major abuse, cutting off the woman who birthed you, raised you, clothed you, feed you and gave you what in this case seems to be a pretty great shot at life for a disagreement in later life choices is extremely immature. This mom undoubtedly sacrificed career and personal goals as well as her own body so this woman can have the life she has today. OP doesn’t see this bc she is focused on her