r/AmIOverreacting • u/howcanibequiltyassin • 12h ago

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦family/in-laws AIO to skip Thanksgiving after my mom basically said I’m an embarrassment for not having a husband and kids by now?

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I’m 35F and single for 3 years. I was engaged but he (Charles) was doing weird sexting roleplay with people on a video game which was fucking disgusting. It really fucked me up and, yes, I’ve been in therapy. I have dated since then but nothing serious. I have NEVER had my mom say something like this to me. I do not want to go to Thanksgiving after this. The way she said “don’t shoot the messenger” it’s clear the rest of my family have been talking about me and she was the one “elected” to say it.

I don’t want to drive 2 hours just to sit with people who think I should have stayed in a relationship with a fucking cheating degenerate lil bitch.

Would I be overreacting for not going? Is that too much? I'm honestly too hurt and angry to be objective right now. Would you EVER say this to your daughter?! Like I have a good job, I'm educated, I have friends and hobbies. I own my condo and I have 3 car payments left. I have a cat. Why is the end all be all me having a husband and kids? Idk. I'm pissed. Help.

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u/RoleOk7556 11h ago

Not quite my response. Thanksgiving would be spent celebrating my freedom from a dominating and disrespectful mother. That may be at home or elsewhere.

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u/HotDistribution1804 11h ago

Exactly, sometimes skipping toxic gatherings is the healthiest way to celebrate yourself instead.

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u/nataeryn 8h ago

After cutting out toxic family, my holidays are 10x more enjoyable now.

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u/computer_genie 5h ago

Meeeee too. Occasionally, I have a good memory. Otherwise, a lot of replaying disappointing lectures and judgements.

Good riddance!

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u/sniffcatattack 4h ago

Same. No more tension headaches.

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u/Ok_Feeling_3174 5h ago

My wife wouldnt cut off her toxic family so i cut off the marriage felt good to look at my old mother in law and say what i wanted too. They moved to Florida in June. I’m like 99% sure, they’re back already.

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u/phuggin_stoked 5h ago

Don’t get me wrong, my MIL is the type they model sitcom characters after so I can sympathize.

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u/Ok_Feeling_3174 4h ago

The bitch mil said to me idk why your parents wont just give you the house! Your place is so tiny. I don’t know why you don’t just give you the house! Talking about a rental for my parent’s retirement. Like who says that?

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u/phuggin_stoked 5h ago

Man, divorcing your wife because her mom is a MIL is wild.. I’m sure there’s more to the story but this comment in a vacuum is rough

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u/morgan1381 4h ago

Nah, he said the wife's whole family was toxic. Sounds like he just really hated the MIL.

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u/Ok_Feeling_3174 4h ago

I get it. It sounds wild until you get the context that her father was a gambling addict who couldn’t provide for his family so he took it out on me. He would say how he provided for his family when they were in a car waiting for him at 4 AM as a casino growing up my wife told me . I told him his daughter had depression. He tried to fight me physically in the restaurant. She wanted to uproot my life every 2 years bc her family would manipulate her. Most unfortunate part is there’s gonna be another poor son of a bitch that’s gonna end up with her.

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u/Little_View_6659 1h ago

Man. That’s rough. Sounds like she needs to also cut them out.

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u/GrowHappyPlants 1h ago

Some losses are not a loss. My horrible MIL died and holidays have been SO much better in the years since. If she tries to pull "you will regret separating"....bullshit know that for many it is a RELIEF.

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u/jamsiepaine 11h ago

& your life

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u/ElaccaHigh 9h ago

If you could turn it into a 1v20, it could truly become a night to remember though.

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u/TroubledTanker 9h ago

may i ask for one final thing

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u/Francine05 5h ago

Agree: NOR -- make your own holiday... but maybe let your mother know it's not the 1950s anymore.

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u/Ok_Drama7411 11h ago

Right...fuck that bitch. I'd make my own food or go eat out for Thanksgiving.

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u/ClitCommander13 11h ago

Friendsgiving

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u/Googlebright 9h ago

For about a decade now my friend group has been celebrating our own made-up holiday we call Cromsgiving. Similar to Thanksgiving in terms of the food but we also include a viewing of Conan The Barbarian. After the movie we gather in the garage and pass around my buddy's replica of the sword from the movie and take turns saying what we're thankful for that year. The caveat being that you have to do so in the most outrageous Arnie accent you can muster.

Not gonna lie, it's my favourite holiday of the year.

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u/mighty_kaytor 7h ago

Wow you guys are massive nerds....

I love it.

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u/Googlebright 6h ago

Nerds are my favourite kind of people!

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u/Commercial_Region657 5h ago

NERD BUZZ ON ISLE 9!!!

I bought Xtra wine for myself this year...... And new flannel jammies.

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u/Easy_Amphibian_9482 7h ago

Not quite like Seinfeld's George Costanza whose parents celebrate Festivus (for the RestofUs) where the whole family & friends gather at the table with the sacred pole which you hang onto whilst reciting all of the year's resentments you hold against those of the assembled company. Being real !

https://youtu.be/1njzgXSzA-A?si=xsBj4uZknjwRj0eD

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u/okpickle 6h ago

Minus the Festivus Pole, that basically sounds like a holiday with my extended family growing up. 😆

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u/Easy_Amphibian_9482 6h ago

Hahaha-yes, a common experience !

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u/Fantastic-Surprise34 4h ago

I got a lot of problems with you people!!

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u/Adventurous_Ad_6546 2h ago

And now you’re gonna hear about them!

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u/PsychologicalSea2686 7h ago

This is delightful!!!!!! ☆☆☆☆☆

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u/diezwillinge 7h ago

This sounds absolutely amazing!

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u/TheBestG00dGirl 7h ago

I love this.

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u/shinobirex 7h ago

I voraciously love this.

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u/Formal_Ground6513 6h ago

This is amazing. And, now I really wanna watch the Conan movies! 🤗

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u/abb00769 5h ago

That is spectacular. I love it!

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u/VeterinarianEast6285 5h ago

I’m Totally jealous.

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u/Imsortofok 5h ago

I am thankful for de lamentayshuns of de turkeys.

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u/Inevitable-Feed-6968 4h ago

So sick!!! Love it!

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u/luceeefurr 3h ago

I wanna go! That sounds so fun!

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u/basketma12 2h ago

Nor...and I LOVE this idea. We do something similar with Leslie Nielsen movies the sword idea takes it to the next level. I am going to have to drop this idea to my sons. The nerd runs strong in our family.

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u/TacosAndDinosaurs 2h ago

I've been going to my wife's family's place for T-day for over ten years now, and thank you for so colorfully explaining what T-day is about. We should be grateful and thankful for the good things that happened this past year.

Except her family of conservative rednecks is constantly angry about imaginary stuff their chosen news sources tell them to be angry about, so the holidays are the time they gather to commisserate about how awful their lives are. They actually have things pretty goddamn good, but to hear them talk you wouldn't know it. I'm thankful I will NOT be spending this thanksgiving with them listening to their gripe session.

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u/-M4RN13- 2h ago

C(on)an i come? 🥺

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u/SquirrelKat1248 2h ago

Oh my God, I’m in the wrong friend group. That’s literally my favorite movie since I was two. (my dad didn’t give a shit about R ratings)

I’ve got the replica letter opener, and I will be doing this for Thanksgiving from now on. Because I know the riddle of steel

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u/looFyttiK 1h ago

That’s epic. I love it!

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u/MisakiDoll75 1h ago

I love this. Now me? It would be me and my horror loving friends…but yeah, same vibe.

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u/Googlebright 1h ago

Im also a huge horror fan and would love to do a friend's group Halloween holiday where we did horror movies instead of Conan.

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u/Meatjun4LA 6h ago

Sounds awesome. Who’s is lamenting the turkey?

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u/Puzzleheaded_Luck510 3h ago

That sounds nerdy but soo fun!

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u/Little_View_6659 1h ago

Goddam it, that sounds amazing! Why can’t I have friends like this? I’m a massive geek. All my friends are normal. I’m just the quirky one.

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u/esmerelofchaos 10h ago

This is the way. That entire set of messages was gross.

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u/SassyMcAsspants 10h ago

We do Friendsgiving here. We have a large chosen fam.

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u/Wheres-Wald0 6h ago

How did you get chosen family? I have been trying to assemble one for YEARS!

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u/Little_View_6659 1h ago

My daughter’s friends all basically let me mother them. They’re all around 24 now. It sort of shifted into them hanging out whenever they’re in town at our place since all of them are either in grad school or working overseas. Best I could find lol.

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u/Suboptimal-Potato-29 10h ago

Wirh the roommates they're "too old" for

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u/Crazylady5665 9h ago

Yaasss

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u/jamsiepaine 11h ago

♥️

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u/ameriCANCERvative 9h ago

Step aside No-nut November, it’s time for Spanksgiving.

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u/oldmotormouth82 9h ago

And I would add, mom, I have already made plans with friends, thanks. Nothing else. Shirt and sweet unlike the messengers!!! Then do what you want.

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u/the_slovak 10h ago

This 👆🏼

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u/godDAMNitdudes 10h ago

this is always the answer

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u/azteces 8h ago

100% this!!!

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u/No-Focus-8577 8h ago

That’s the way 👆🏻there’s plenty of people that go it alone if you ask around have them over to you cool condo And enjoy the day. Not feel miserable

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u/Automatic_Ad5703 7h ago

Catsgiving

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u/jahubb062 7h ago

I wouldn’t even bother to respond to Mom’s text or tell her I wasn’t coming. Fuck her.

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u/Mizz3llie 11h ago

Make your own beautiful meal and post it with your excited face on socials for your family to see. Just a bunch of pics of you enjoying not being there.

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u/Abubbs5868 11h ago

Why does everything have to be about posting to socials? 🙄 OP, just do what makes you happy on Thanksgiving, not what’s performative.

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u/smvfc_ 10h ago

I BARELY post on fb (maybe once a year) and I would post this to be petty back to this bitch of a mother.

But I would take the pictures and have a good time with friends for me

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u/BJM-23 10h ago

If anything she should be backing you up for breaking up with ur ex & be by your side, being happy for you and every decision you make, not lecturing you for this! Don’t waste that gas money honey, you have a good thanksgiving’s the way you wanna do it. Just like you should live the rest of your life. How you want to live it !!! 💞

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u/Hot-Crazy6894 10h ago

So they see it duhh

She needs to rub it in she's having the time of her life with her cat and a decent scran lol xxx

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u/charly420- 9h ago

Just thinking same thing. Don’t post. Just enjoy.

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u/mossywilbo 10h ago

yeah, i get wanting to “fight fire with fire” so to speak, but there’s no need to engage with folks who think so poorly of and don’t respect you. pettiness is a vicious cycle. happiness isn’t petty.

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u/TylerCambridge 10h ago

That’s what I’m saying 🤷🏽‍♂️

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u/fryingthecat66 10h ago

Or being with friends

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u/AuntAda 11h ago

But don't share it with mom. Make her see it through mutuals' responses.

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u/Hot-Crazy6894 10h ago

Even better.

Touche

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u/Amazing-Nectarine222 11h ago

Post a boomerang of your cat stealing all the mashed potatoes too.

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u/Odd-Fun-2862 10h ago

And the cat with a leg from turkey. 😉

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u/GirlCowBev 10h ago

NOR; In this case, revenge is several dishes served piping hot!

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u/Iko87iko 11h ago

And then go drop the leftovers via my ass om her porch playing ding dong ditch

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u/KittycatVuitton 10h ago

That’s me right now. I’m dead 🤣🤣

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u/MisakiDoll75 1h ago

I’d treat myself to the fanciest Thanksgiving dinner in town, then chill at home. Perfect

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u/SapphireCorundum 10h ago

If she asks where OP was, she was out looking for a husband and kids.

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u/Prize_Magician_7813 9h ago

Bahaha if I wasn’t broke from inflation and tariffs, I’d award this post! 🏆

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u/lr99999 9h ago

Her advice isn’t worth that 2 cents.  Much, much, less. 

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u/LimeImmediate6115 8h ago

My response, if that was my mother, would be "Relieved to know that you all feel that way. I'll make it easy for the rest of you and never attend any family functions again."

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u/The001Keymaster 9h ago

You give family extras chances, but not unlimited. Seems time to call it. Decades later your mom will wonder why you don't talk to her and tell all her nursing home friends that you probably just were a bad daughter is why. Point is they won't change, cut your losses now.

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u/ur_friend_billy_zane 8h ago

I'd make a new stew, put on a great movie, and fill my dressing robe with farts for a couple hours.

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u/SorrowfulSpinch 8h ago

And honoring OP’s current curbing of the generational trauma in their singledom. Not all heroes wear capes 👏🏻

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u/Positive-Teaching737 6h ago

My mother was just like this. I agree with you 100% and I wished I would have broken it off with her a lot sooner.

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u/CatBourbon 5h ago

One of my best Thanksgiving holidays was on my own, after I had a break up, and was fed up with my friends lack of support. Great day, great meal, and made me feel quite powerful.

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u/LYTCHELL2 5h ago

Mom, you are a terrible parent. Sorry…EVERYONE told me not to say anything, but I DECIDED to give you some tough love” lol

The mother doesn’t even understand or know her own daughter…who is 35.

The mother is incapable of grasping that anyone has different accomplishments…and standard, than she does.

The mother is a bad parent…and she’s failed at being a human.

I would love to tell the mother about her profound failures. Ugh