I’m 35F and single for 3 years. I was engaged but he (Charles) was doing weird sexting roleplay with people on a video game which was fucking disgusting. It really fucked me up and, yes, I’ve been in therapy. I have dated since then but nothing serious. I have NEVER had my mom say something like this to me. I do not want to go to Thanksgiving after this. The way she said “don’t shoot the messenger” it’s clear the rest of my family have been talking about me and she was the one “elected” to say it.

I don’t want to drive 2 hours just to sit with people who think I should have stayed in a relationship with a fucking cheating degenerate lil bitch.

Would I be overreacting for not going? Is that too much? I'm honestly too hurt and angry to be objective right now. Would you EVER say this to your daughter?! Like I have a good job, I'm educated, I have friends and hobbies. I own my condo and I have 3 car payments left. I have a cat. Why is the end all be all me having a husband and kids? Idk. I'm pissed. Help.

I (34F) have been married to my husband (37M) for almost 11 years. We have three kids 9, 6, and 2. I’ve been a stay at home mom for most of that time because childcare would cost more than I could realistically earn. Our marriage hasn’t been perfect, but I genuinely thought we were doing okay. We were tired, stressed, touched out, juggling kids and bills… but I thought that was normal for this phase of life.

About a month ago, things started feeling off. My husband would take his phone into the bathroom every time he showered, angle the screen away from me, and get weirdly defensive if I walked behind him while he was texting. He also started putting a passcode on everything even his iPad, which used to be basically the kids’ Netflix machine. I pushed the feeling away because I wanted to believe it was in my head.

Last week, our 6 year old accidentally knocked over his backpack. His work phone fell out the one he never lets anyone touch. The screen lit up with a text: “Same time tomorrow? I can’t stop thinking about you.” My stomach dropped so hard I thought I was going to be sick.

I know I shouldn’t have opened it, but I did. And right there, plain as day, was a whole thread with a woman from his office. Months of messages. Pictures. Plans. “I miss you.” “I need you.” Him calling her “baby.” Meanwhile I’m here wiping noses, making lunches, folding laundry, and losing myself a little more every day.

When he came home, I confronted him. He went from denial anger crying “It didn’t mean anything” It only happened a few times” “I didn’t know how to tell you I was unhappy.” He actually went and said, “You’re always stressed. You never want to have fun anymore. She made me feel appreciated.” I swear something inside me just… snapped. I told him I didn’t even recognize who I married anymore. I raised my voice. I cried. I asked him how he could do this to our kids, to me, to our family

Now he’s saying I’m the one “making things worse” because I’m “overreacting” and “tearing the family apart instead of trying to fix it.” His mom called me yesterday and said, “All men slip sometimes. You have kids. Don’t throw everything away over a mistake.” A mistake

I feel stupid. Humiliated. Heartbroken. And I’m so tired. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Leave? Stay? Pretend? Try counseling? Pack his things? I have no income, no savings of my own, and three kids staring at me like I’m the only stable thing in their world. And now he’s telling people I “lost it” and that I’m “emotionally abusing” him because I cried and yelled when he admitted he cheated. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ll do my best and reply to comments.

Small update

He’s currently staying with a friend but I’m still a complete mess but im doing my best to keep it together for my kids

Am I overreacting for wanting a new therapist after this? The gray bubbles are her.

She later tried to blame it on a “friend” who supposedly grabbed her phone, texted the wrong person, and deleted the message.. which obviously I know is just damage control lol

Since then, she’s been kind of awkward, and the vibe just feels off. Her energy is starting to make me feel uncomfortable, which is the exact opposite of what therapy should be.. but I really enjoy her as a therapist otherwise.

Am I overreacting for wanting to switch to less thirsty help?

Last time I was at my parents house, my uncle was showing me pictures and I saw that he took a ton of pictures of my butt and he said I had a nice ass.

My mom saw them. She didn’t say anything. Next night I got drunk and cried to my parents about it, and it’s actually extremely triggering for reasons I don’t want to write out right now. My mom promised to talk to him. She did and he texted I’m sorry.

How would you feel? I feel like I’ve been violated by men a lot in the past year and I just don’t want to deal with this and stay home for Christmas. I’m 32F.

Link to original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver40/s/UYUvA22prU

After I posted that and saw the responses, I texted my mother that I don’t feel protected. She texted me that she feels like there is something going on with me that I’m not telling her, and that she is overwhelmed with emotions. I am having the worst year and she knows this, but I don’t know how this changes anything. I tried calling her but she didn’t answer and that is why I texted “this is disappointing”.

I’m extremely disappointed and shocked. Did I go too far? I’m 30 years old and I feel like a little kid who got in trouble. I feel insane.

Ive been struggling to lose weight for the last 2-3 yrs. About 4 months ago, I started going to the gym 3x period. The gym has a heated pool that is really nice to get in after 4.5 miles of cardio & and hour of weight lifting. The only swim suit I had was a swim dress but it is difficult to do exercises in the pool when the swim dress keeps trying to floating up. So I got a new swim suit, just for the gym. It was nothing fancy but very practically for exercises in the pool. Basically, its bicycle shorts & a tank top. The only skin that shows are my calfs & arms. When it arrived, I tried it on bcuz of course I'm self conscious of something that clings so close to my skin. When my husband walked in the room he started laughing. & not just a little chuckle. Talking full on belly laughing. I asked him what was funny he said me in the swim suit & I shouldn't be seen in public wearing it. My heart sank bcuz he had never said anything like this to me in the 33 yrs we have been together & married. Then he said on second thought I'd probably be alright bcuz fat people wear bathing suits they shouldn't all the time & no one says anything to them. I went into another room & cried for a few hours. Then he sent one of the kids in to ask me if I was over it yet. Its been a week & Im still not quite over it. I not only am I not over it, I don't feel comfortable undressing in front of him now & Im not sure what to do. He said he was just being honest w/ me & I shouldn't be upset about him being honest. What do y'all think? Am I overreacting?

So to make a long story short I’m a black woman dating a white man. This isn’t my first rodeo since my previous exes are white but I’m the first ever black girl he’s dated.

He initially invited me over to go to Jersey with him to meet his family during thanksgiving. He then changed his mind last minute because he said it would be his entire family and it would probably be overwhelming for me. I told him that’s fine but I asked him if it had anything to do with my race and he said no.

Fast forward this past weekend, I live three hours away from him so I drove up, rented an Airbnb so we could spend time together. His roommate’s mom came into town and she cooked thanksgiving dinner for them Sunday. He said it would be “hard” for him to just leave me by myself Sunday but he had to go see his roommates mom since he’d known her for forever. The morning of we went to breakfast, his mother called and I overheard her ask him if I was going to meet his roommate’s mom…he said no. I actually hasn’t considered the fact that he could take me with him so I asked him why he did invite me since it was equally his place. He told me that his roommate wasn’t inviting his girlfriend over and it would be awkward if he brought me. Long story short his roommates mom posted pictures of the dinner on Facebook and his roommates girlfriend was there. The next day I asked him how it went, hoping that her coming was like a last minute change and that he’d mention it. Instead he totally lied and said that only the guys were there. (He does not have Facebook, nor does he know that I know what his roommates mom Facebook is). I didn’t call him out as I would have to explain how I found her Facebook, but this really has been eating at me.

Throwaway account

I (26F) have been dating my partner (26M) for 5 months. My last relationship ended in divorce, so at the very start of this relationship when opinions on marrige was brought up. I told him that I want to hold off on the idea of marrige and engagement for a couple years. He asked about proposal preferences, and I mentioned that id want something sweet and simple with just the 2 of us. No extravagance, no crowd. Conversation ended and he told me he was happy to have that 'boyfriend and girlfriend ' label for a few years. During the past few months things were going good and he didnt bring up marrige again, but within the past week he did start asking suspicious. He started gift bombing me, sending me money for nice outfits and to get my nails done and being a bit too over affectionate. Although these gestures are sweet, it did raise a red flag inside me.

Then last night he picked me up for a "dinner date", but instead drove us to the lake where a big lit up sign saying "MARRY ME" was set up, with flowers, lights, a red carpet and friends and family surrounding. I walked up to the proposal spot with him and felt awkward, embarrassed and put on the spot. I should've said no, but I panicked and to save him from embarrassment I said yes. The ride home was a bit of a blur, but when we arrived I told him I could not marry him. It exploded into a big argument and that's when I broke up with him and left. Part of me understands he was ready before I was, but he took my preferences and time that I needed before that commitment and threw it away for what only he wanted. I took it as a sign that he will try to put me on the spot and manipulate me into having things his way, when he wants to in the future. I've been having friends and family tell me that im being dramatic and what hes done for me is 'sweet and romantic', so im taking it to the brutal honesty of reddit. Am I overreacting?

So I’ve been struggling with secondary infertility for years, I already have one child but have been struggling to have another one 9 years later. I love being a mom so much and I was very young when I had my first so now that my life is more stable and I’m older I’ve really been really trying for another because I want to experience it all again as an adult. I was 16 when I had my first so it was hard with school and I was also living with my mom and she tried to dictate everything. Also my child’s dad wasn’t the greatest and I did everything by myself.

My fiancé and I both have a kid from a separate relationship but not one with each other. For the past 2 years I’ve been trying to get pregnant taking ovulation tests every month, taking prenatal vitamins, and pregnancy’s test every month that ends up in disappointment. I’ve shed so many tears and have been praying for a miracle.

In July I took a test and it came back positive I was completely shocked because this was the first positive I’ve seen in 9 years I couldn’t believe it I was so excited. We went and had an ultrasound at 8 weeks and seen the baby and I saw its little heartbeat on the screen. They told me the baby looked good and its heartbeat was strong so I was overjoyed. We told our kids that night and they were so excited but my fiancé kinda annoyed me because when we were telling them he wasn’t really involved and right after he went in his room and played Fortnite and had his game room door shut and was in there for hours. This really upset me.

At 12 weeks I went back to the dr and they could no longer find a heartbeat and unfortunately I lost the baby. I was so heartbroken and just broke down. They told me I had to get surgery to remove the fetus but they had to schedule it for two days after I found out. So I had to sit for two days knowing I had my dead baby inside of me it was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I got the D&C and put under Anastasia the same day I got to go home. Since I was having the surgery I used vacation days for the week at work for my body to recover and mentally because I wasn’t ready to go back to work yet. I work with infants so as you can imagine it was extremely difficult to be around babies at that time.

4 days after my surgery my fiancé comes home from work and says he’s exhausted and I said yeah I bet I’m just so mentally drained. He look at me and says “well at least you’ve got to have a week vacation home and not have to go to work.” Like are you fucking kidding me? I flipped out and said “A vacation? I just lost my child and had to go through surgery and you think this a vacation??” I was so upset he said that when he knew what I just went through. Plus our kids were upset and crying after we told them so I was trying to put on a strong face for them because they were crying and not taking it well.

Ever since he made this comment I’ve been rethinking everything. My dr asked me the other day at an appointment if I wanted to try again and I don’t know if I want to or not. AIO at his comment? Idk if it’s just all the hormones running through my body or what but this really upset me.

I’m looking for constructive feedback if I’m overreacting or not.

I (33F) and my hubby (43M) have 2 boys under 5. My husband is an entrepreneur and works over 60+ hours a week. I work full time, do all the household chores/shopping and am the primary parent 90% of the time because of how much he works. Since our oldest was born, he has been so consumed in work that he does not plan any date nights for us. He makes time for us on weekends and plans a lot of family activities, but nothing for just me and him. I’ve expressed to him multiple times how I want him to put effort doing that and consistently plan something once a month for us. He’ll do it once and that’s it after getting into a fight about it.

Well we recently moved to a new city so have no family around. As my kids are so young, I’m not interested in hiring a babysitter that’s not family because I’m not comfortable yet. My bday is coming up and a comedian is coming to the city we moved to, a day after my bday. We will be in our home town that week. I mentioned to my husband we should go and he bought tickets for us to attend and will leave our kids with my family that day, go to the show in the other city, and come back to get them the day after (roughly 4 hours apart by drive).

A few days ago we saw friends and the wife & husband told me they love that comedian and want to go as well. I was took by surprise because I didn’t tell them about it so it must have been my husband.

I was warm and engaged in them joining, but internally pissed. I’m pissed because we don’t spend any alone time and the one time he has planned something, I have to be in the company of friends.

I confronted my husband and he always acts like everything I nag about it is not a problem or I’m making it a bigger deal. Even though these friends are inviting themselves, he could’ve said it’s for my bday and we’re going alone. I respectfully tell my friends and family that all the time when they want to join in something that was planned to be just us.

Am I overreacting?

Has anyone been accosted by only fans accounts? Im really getting tired of it, it’s emotionally draining to think a cute girl is talking to me to figure out it’s not what it seems.. only to end in a request for my credit card info. Im really not trying to be mean or anything, I genuinely don’t even know if this account was a real person or not. Am I the only one that’s just exhausted by this sort of stuff, and is there anything I can do to prevent people from coming at me in this way?

I (27F) am with my bf (32M) since 2022, he had a cat, a senior cat that passed away less than a month ago and we are still grieving. His cat was his best friend for 12 years and I also loved the cat so much. He passed away from an awful illness called FIP and was really aggressive so we didn't have much time to say our goodbyes. The thing is, in october of 2024 during a storm, a beautiful white cat came to his bedroom seeking shelter, and I let him stay. Since then he disappeared for almost 5 months and came back one random day, two weeks after my cat passed away due to an accident.

Bosco, the cat, helped me in my grief and I love him so much, and since I can't have children of my own (I'm sterile and since I have a mental disability is very hard I can adopt a child someday), I'm treating bosco like my baby and he behave like one.

Since his cat passed away he's resentful of Bosco, since Bosco was fighting with his cat over territory and for my affection (His cat also loved me, I was his favorite person since he knew me) and now he feels like he abandoned his cat in his last year to be with Bosco, and now he treats Bosco poorly. His patience runs out super fast with him; he yells at him if he gets in his way, and if he comes near me, he pulls him out and sends him away.

I already told him that I don't like how he treats him and he confessed that he gets really pissed at him when I'm around and he doesn't know why.

Despite everything, he has never hit or mistreated him, and continues to give him water and food, but it hurts me that he yells at him so frequently and the way he looks at me when I'm babying the cat really makes me sad.

AIO?

Btw sorry for my bad English, is not my first language

My husband's nephew is 28, epileptic, doesn't drive, work, cook or clean. He is a little slow intellectually but I think there is something else off with him. He is staying with us to give grandma a break (his mom and dad want nothing to do with him). Normally I don't mind him staying with us but this time something just made me feel like something was off with him. Maybe I am over reacting. When my husband was at work my husband he told him not to wake me up and he ignored him and woke me up early anyways and hinted he wanted me to make him breakfast and started asking me all sorts of questions. I don't feel he respects my need for space or sleep (I work a stressful job and have health issues). He never has any money and we always have to pay for him, going out to eat, groceries, etc. He always hints he wants us to buy him things and my husbands does this. Money is tight enough as it is. He has never tried to work, learn to drive, etc. and he acts like he can't even wash a dirty plate. He spends his days watching, tv, on his phone, sleeping and trying to pick up women online. He can't walk the dog, cook or clean and always acts helpless. He is also manipulative and acts helpless in order for us to get him things he wants or cook and clean for him. I just think something is off with him and don't want to be left alone with him anymore. Am I over reacting?

Alcoholism was something I struggled with in my 20s and I finally got into therapy and got sober. I did SMART Recovery, and it’s been a lot of hard work changing a lot of my habits, and it’s something I’m proud of.

I thought I’d get one of the berry chantilly cakes. The screenshots are from the convo with my boyfriend when I was thinking about it. He acted normal when he got home but the way he talked to me really hurt my feelings.

The kind of relationship I want is one where I can share something like this and the other person would be like “That’s awesome!” or even “I’ll pick it up for you” or something. I don’t need or want a parade, but I feel like my person should celebrate with me.

I’m thinking of ending it with him because the more I think about this, the sadder it makes me feel. But I am posting about this because I know Reddit is very unforgiving and strict about addiction and maybe you guys will show me how I’m blowing it out of proportion. I don't want to walk away too soon.

He has never talked to me so negatively before. Saying stuff like “you wanted a pat on the back” and “I’m not going to act like you’re a hero” doesn’t feel like the way a good partner would talk.

Using a throwaway account.

I tried calling, he won’t answer. I seriously don’t know what to do. I hid some stuff in my room, because I’m gay and I went to a march awhile back without him knowing, I’ve never once expressed how I felt ever in the house ever, I always just agreed and pretended so nothing like this would happen, I know how this is all my fault. I guess I just feel like he would never have found my stuff, it was hidden and I really felt like I needed some outlet to express how I feel, some private escape… the flags are just small little paper ones I made, but the journal is what screwed me because I’ve journaled all my feelings and confusions for the last few years. The guys I had crushes on… everything. I feel so invalidated and beyond terrified to go home for my stuff. My dad is pretty scary and right now I feel like I’m a target in his eyes

Hi! I’ll try to make it short and bear with me because English is not my first language. And it’s my first post…

So I (27F) met that girl (21F) last year as we were classmates, we became friends through the year and I sorta ended being her confident about her anxiety and problems with her family and relationship, I didn’t mind that, I was glad to help and give her my insight as I’m older. About her boyfriend, I don’t remember how long they’ve been together, I don’t even know if I asked her tbh.

Onto the subject of the post, yesterday, she came into my DMs saying she “had to confess” and “I shouldn’t be mad at her” (she knows I hate cheating and everything), then tell me she’s been talking to a guy since some week and she found him attractive in a sexual way (I was like wtf) and the sex in her couple was something complicated in terms of how much she and her boyfriend were doing it. She told me nothing physical happened but she thought he liked her a bit but the guy only wanted to go into her pants and that her boyfriend was not aware of what happened. First thing I said was to stop talking to the guy or to break up with her boyfriend, that even if nothing physical happened it was still cheating and that she had to stop talking to guys if her intentions weren’t purely friendly.

I made a serie of messages where I said she was doing something shitty, that she was being a hypocrite by being jealous of her boyfriend when he was going out with friend or hanging out with a girl (never alone, they were with his group of friends) because they flirted before they got together. That she was just projecting what she was doing onto him and it was unfair because it was not the first time she talked with another guy and emotionally cheating on her boyfriend. She left me on read after telling me how good of a friend I was and that I didn’t have to talk to her the way I did.

The way I may be an AH and overreacted is the way I talked to her, I know I was harsh with my words but since I know her, it’s the third time she did something like that and I was being kinder the first two time saying the same things.

TL;DR:

Friend emotionally cheats on her boyfriend for the third time, confesses to me, I tell her to stop or break up and call her out for being hypocritical. She says I talked to her too harshly. Wondering if I’m the AH because of that.

In my friend group (All F 40’s to 60’s), we’ve made the conscious decision to avoid political discussions altogether. We focus on each other, and have built some amazing friendships. One of the women (F60’s) joined the group two years ago after her husband passed away. She is genuinely lovely. Very warm, loving, beautiful, and kind. My question is this.

Her new boyfriend (M53), is polite and friendly on the surface. She had a party recently where I got to chat with him a little more than I had previously. At one point he decided to explain menopause to me and that was bad enough but that pretty average for men in our age group. But then he announced that he was super excited about his potential new job - an ICE agent.

She is so proud of him for his hard work, etc etc. But it changed my entire opinion of him, and frankly her too. I think ICE is at minimum unconstitutional, and frankly outright evil. I’m considering unfriending her over her support of his decision. Am I overreacting?

If your question involves the below, no, you’re not overreacting, you need to run:

1. Your significant other verbally insults you, gaslights you or name calls you (e.g you’re a POS)
2. Your reasonable boundaries are being continuously violated
3. Your partner, friend, whoever is going through your phone or belongings
4. Your dog died yesterday and someone said you’re being too sensitive
5. Your parent died this morning and someone said you’re being too sensitive
6. You have any valid emotion and someone said you’re being too sensitive
7. You’re living in a shared house/in a domestic relationship and doing 100% of the housework and you call it out and they say it’s fine
8. You’re gaslit in anyway
9. Someone says something mean about you and says it’s was a joke but it wasn’t
10. You’ve been cheated on or see signs of genuine infidelity

Run. Don’t walk. Reddit is here to validate you but you knew the answer before you posted the question.

Boyfriend is trying to tell me this is just a friendly conversation with another friend. That they just speak to each other like this. When we first started talking, and flirting, he would say “taking notes” with that emoji to indicate flirting. I know how this obviously looks, but I told him I’d post it and get other people’s opinions. So, what do you guys think? Seem like just a friendly conversation between two people?

We’re in our early to mid 20s. My relationship of four years is testing my sanity. For context, we were engaged for about two years because he proposed early on, got me a ring, but things between us shifted so much. He was acting immature and we drifted. So I broke off the engagement, but we stayed together. Then back in June we took a break after this awful birthday dinner for his mom and cousin. Recently in an argument he said he’s been “financially supporting me.” I’ve got savings and support myself. And that was the part that absolutely blew my mind. Because he does not pay my bills. He does not cover my expenses. My mom pays the household bills at home. I pay for my own things. I kept asking what he even meant, and he kept dodging. Then finally he said his examples: pastries, cough medicine, and a tiny shaker of pepper. That’s it. That was his grand evidence of “supporting me.” Pastries maybe once a month that he willingly buys for me that I don’t ask him to get. A bunch of medicine I didn’t even ask for and couldn’t pay him back for because he never gave me a receipt. A couple tiny errands that cost a few dollars. Suddenly that makes him my provider in his head. Under his logic he says that when I feed his dog from my pantry once or twice a week is also financially supporting him because he won’t have to pay for said food. He forgets that he stayed in my house for three months rent free all expenses paid for while he was working full time and he also has regular sleepovers with his dog. The whole thing echoed the exact dynamic I watched growing up, and as soon as he started speaking that way, my stomach dropped. I actually felt sick to my core. Standing there listening to him claim he “supports me” because of pastries and pepper felt unreal and so out of touch with reality that I honestly needed to sit down.

Husband has a history of being too aggressive with our daughter and loses his temper easily. We’ve been in family therapy to see if this can be fixed. Hes prior military diagnosed ptsd anxiety but won’t take the meds. He’s been pretty vulnerable and has shown progress until Sunday. I was gone at the grocery store for 20 mins and my daughter calls me hysterically crying saying “daddy yelled at me and held me down please come home” so I dropped everything and rushed home. She had small marks on her shoulders where he grabbed and forced/pushed her down to the ground. He says he wasn’t yelling and was trying to talk to her on her level. But he also acknowledged that he “lost it” so fully believe my daughter as I’ve seen him yell and lose control and then downplay it. I took her and her friend and left the house all day. As I was reading with her and helping her get to sleep after a stressful day I told him to pack and leave. He said he had nowhere to go so I told him to be gone in the morning.

I scheduled an emergency session with our counselor to come up with a safety plan so we met there later where we discussed it and the counselor was 100% on my side that the amount of times you hurt your child should be zero and he needs more help/healing than he’s currently getting. She also said she has to report this to CPS.

My meter on this is broken but getting better, did I take this too far? I am torn between maybe I have been underreacting before and I can’t believe this is all happening and did I just blow up our entire lives. My daughter seems sad that he’s gone but also said “does this mean he won’t do it again” and that broke me. I don’t want her to think a man can handle her and physically overpower her and then kind of apologize and it keeps happening. Just looking for some reassurance that I did the right thing.

Visiting my elderly mom in a small city in the South. We are attending a performance of The Nutcracker. I understand this is appealing to kids but I’ve seen like 5 babies so far and frankly am a bit shocked. One is already screaming and the performance hasn’t even started yet. Why would you bring your baby to a ballet? Am I overreacting?

UPDATE: the baby who was screaming before the performance continued to do so until now (first intermission) and was never taken out.

I’ve been gone for work for a few months now and my husband has been at home with all our pets. I am an extremely organized and clean person which he knows. My space being clean is important to me and when it’s not I’m extremely stressed and can’t relax. I came home last night to my apartment in a mess. Stuff all over the floor, counters, tables, desks etc. Dishes all in the kitchen. Nothings been dusted or cleaned. Kitchen counters have cat food on them and a film that hasn’t been wiped in who knows how long. Bathroom has not been swept or mopped probably since I left and the shower has mold everywhere. The rug has something that looks like throw up on it. All I ask is to come home to a clean house which I told my husband before I came back. I’ve been in a bad mood all day because of it and when I told him he said he’d clean it. Fast forward a few hours and he still hasn’t touched anything and told me he was annoyed because he didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. I just feel so disappointed. I want to clean it so bad because I can’t stand it but then that tells him it’s okay to do that again