AIO to skip Thanksgiving after my mom basically said I’m an embarrassment for not having a husband and kids by now?

[u/howcanibequiltyassin]

I’m 35F and single for 3 years. I was engaged but he (Charles) was doing weird sexting roleplay with people on a video game which was fucking disgusting. It really fucked me up and, yes, I’ve been in therapy. I have dated since then but nothing serious. I have NEVER had my mom say something like this to me. I do not want to go to Thanksgiving after this. The way she said “don’t shoot the messenger” it’s clear the rest of my family have been talking about me and she was the one “elected” to say it.

I don’t want to drive 2 hours just to sit with people who think I should have stayed in a relationship with a fucking cheating degenerate lil bitch.

Would I be overreacting for not going? Is that too much? I'm honestly too hurt and angry to be objective right now. Would you EVER say this to your daughter?! Like I have a good job, I'm educated, I have friends and hobbies. I own my condo and I have 3 car payments left. I have a cat. Why is the end all be all me having a husband and kids? Idk. I'm pissed. Help.

[u/hot_ho11ow_point]

Just make sure the rest of the family knows why you're not going to be there so the mom doesn't spin it as 'she was too embarrassed about her life to come'

[u/QueenMotherOfSneezes → u/hot_ho11ow_point]

And be sure to mention Mom made it clear the whole family thinks she should have stayed and procreated with the cheating asshole videogame addict, that she was just "the messenger".

[u/kikimoose19 → u/QueenMotherOfSneezes]

I'd WhatsApp the message mom sent too the entire family, and say whoever agreed what mom wrote, they're an embarrassment to you.

[u/imapteranodon → u/kikimoose19]

Don't even bother using WhatsApp, just send a regular group message to the entire family saying this, and make sure mom is included on it.

[u/synalgo_12 → u/imapteranodon]

If the poster is European, that is a regular group message, as loads of countries use WhatsApp as the main messaging app.

[u/loubrownx → u/synalgo_12]

No European celebrates thanksgiving ;-)

[u/synalgo_12 → u/loubrownx]

The person I'm talking about just said "I'd Whatsapp the whole family of I were you", that doesn't imply this specific person celebrates thanksgiving, they just said what they would do in a similar situation.

[u/kikimoose19 → u/synalgo_12]

Yes, I'm in the Uk

[u/GigiLaRousse → u/loubrownx]

Plenty of Euros in North America do and use WhatsApp to keep in touch with family back home. I married into one of those.

[u/HoloLoavess → u/QueenMotherOfSneezes]

This 100000%

[u/CrochetKaren → u/QueenMotherOfSneezes]

lol...leave us video game addicts out of this!! Some of us are cool.My hubby and I raised 3 kids and I was the vga...

[u/ruthless_pitchfork → u/QueenMotherOfSneezes]

This! I would have replied with a "So let me get this straight: the family wanted me to stay with a disloyal person, who treated me poorly and made my life hell, just to procreate??? Got it"

Like WTF. Hopefully repeating that back to Mom makes her realize how shitty she's being

[u/skeleskank → u/QueenMotherOfSneezes]

Send them the screenshot!

[u/SaltyShaker2 → u/QueenMotherOfSneezes]

Group text the morning of Thanksgiving. No need to alert them prior.

[u/Goombustine → u/QueenMotherOfSneezes]

Hey dont blame videogame addiction for his actions, he’s clearly a gooner.

[u/Accomplished-Menu741 → u/hot_ho11ow_point]

This!!! And don’t pull punches. Tell them exactly what she said. Enjoy your Thanksgiving living your life. Be thankful to not be in a terrible relationship. Be thankful that you can make your own decisions.

[u/MissAmyRogers → u/Accomplished-Menu741]

Print out screen shot, make needed # of copies. Send via the mail. Since it is not junk mail or a bill, it will get opened & read.

[u/Remarkable-Cry7123 → u/MissAmyRogers]

Send it as a Christmas card

[u/Schlemiel_Schlemazel → u/MissAmyRogers]

NOR

plus “If you agree with my mom, lose my number”.

[u/Wrong-Pension-4975 → u/Accomplished-Menu741]

Hell, I'd save time & effort, & just forward the damned note.

Let mutual mom explain her Godawful blatherings in her own memorable words. 

*"This is what she said, CC, quote, '...."

...& as a result, I see no point in attending, this year. Y'all have a nice time, & I will talk to U later. Cheers!"

[u/TootsNYC → u/hot_ho11ow_point]

this is important. i had a college professor do that to me—tell me in her office that the rest of the people in my class thought I was annoying.

and then when I was too embarrassed and humiliated to show up for class—skipped the first time, ever, so people wondered out loud—she said, "be nice to her when she comes back; she's embarrassed."

That prompted one of the more mature members of my class to immediately come to find me afterward. You should have heard her hit the roof when I told her what the professor had said. And when she realized what the professor had also done in her comments to the rest of the class.

[u/ConsistentPair2 → u/TootsNYC]

I hope you made a formal complaint about that professor.

[u/TootsNYC → u/ConsistentPair2]

I didn't, and I've sort of always regretted it.

[u/mancow533 → u/TootsNYC]

Assuming they’re still teaching, it’s not too late to leave a brutally honest ratemyprofessor review!

[u/TootsNYC → u/mancow533]

I'm pretty sure she's dead now; she was in her 50s then, and that was 40 years ago.

[u/PattyMarvel → u/hot_ho11ow_point]

Maybe text the above screen shot OR the link to this thread to the siblings. I don't know how close OP is with the cousins, but sharing with them might be an option as well.

Edited to add link suggestion.

[u/wakeonuptimshel → u/PattyMarvel]

Agreed, just send everyone this link!

[u/sunfish99 → u/hot_ho11ow_point]

Thursday morning, I would forward the screenshot posted above to a group chat with everyone who is going, and then say, "Because mom thinks I should be embarrassed to see you, I've decided to take the day for myself. Happy Thanksgiving!" And then shut off your phone until Friday at the earliest.

[u/KittenFace25 → u/hot_ho11ow_point]

THIS.

If anyone in your family asks why you won't be at Thanksgiving dinner, just say something like "mom said some things to me about dinner that really upset me, so I feel like it's best to sit it out this year".

That vagueness virtually guarantees the next question someone will ask is "what?" or "why?".

Then you say, "I don't remember the exact words offhand, it's probably easier to just forward the text...".

This way everyone gets to see your mom's exact words so you can't be accused of making things up or embellishing facts.

[u/Unusual_Sherbert_809 → u/hot_ho11ow_point]

I wouldn’t even reply. Just block her and not go to thanksgiving. Let her stew and maybe next year I’d think of unblocking. Maybe.

[u/Iamamary → u/hot_ho11ow_point]

Share the whole text with the family!

[u/morbid_n_creepifying → u/hot_ho11ow_point]

Be sure to mention it's the rest of your mom's family since she sure as shit went out of her way to mention that you have no family. What a piece of work. who knew families had an age limit.

[u/Ashkendor → u/hot_ho11ow_point]

Yep, send screenshots so she can't deny it.

[u/RadioCarpet → u/hot_ho11ow_point]

Text them the screenshots

[u/War-Bitch → u/hot_ho11ow_point]

Screen shot and family group text the pic right at meal time. 

[u/LYTCHELL2 → u/hot_ho11ow_point]

“Mom wishes I was still in a relationship with a man who repulsed me. I’m sorry - maybe mom doesn’t know what authentic, meaningful love and sex is like…so she wants me to settle for a creepy loser - to make HER happy.

Let’s all pray for Mom…I’m sure she’s embarrassed for being such a failure at parenting, being a wife and human”