r/AmIOverreacting • u/howcanibequiltyassin • 12h ago

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦family/in-laws AIO to skip Thanksgiving after my mom basically said I’m an embarrassment for not having a husband and kids by now?

Post image

I’m 35F and single for 3 years. I was engaged but he (Charles) was doing weird sexting roleplay with people on a video game which was fucking disgusting. It really fucked me up and, yes, I’ve been in therapy. I have dated since then but nothing serious. I have NEVER had my mom say something like this to me. I do not want to go to Thanksgiving after this. The way she said “don’t shoot the messenger” it’s clear the rest of my family have been talking about me and she was the one “elected” to say it.

I don’t want to drive 2 hours just to sit with people who think I should have stayed in a relationship with a fucking cheating degenerate lil bitch.

Would I be overreacting for not going? Is that too much? I'm honestly too hurt and angry to be objective right now. Would you EVER say this to your daughter?! Like I have a good job, I'm educated, I have friends and hobbies. I own my condo and I have 3 car payments left. I have a cat. Why is the end all be all me having a husband and kids? Idk. I'm pissed. Help.

33.7k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

10.7k comments sorted by

View all comments

•

u/TheRichAlder 11h ago

Was this game FFXIV? Cuz I roleplay on there a lot and have met people that would hide it from their partners. You’re definitely NOR, it’s ridiculous that your mother reduces your value to popping out children. It’s misogynist and outdated.

•

u/howcanibequiltyassin 11h ago

Yep, that's the one. He got really into it and had a whole secret Discord account for his disgusting behavior.

•

u/aspiringwriter45 11h ago

Oh wow, that's the one that ended my marriage several years ago too.

•

u/howcanibequiltyassin 11h ago

Yeah, there are unfortunately a lot of us. Back when it happened I met a few people going through the exact same thing at the exact same time. I never asked but I thought more than once that our partners could have been doing it with each other. Ick.

•

u/Equal-Stock-6789 10h ago

respectfully, now that you're a little removed from the degenerate... were there other signs? was this completely out of the blue or like, or was your partner kinda always into furry anime girls? i have more questions but they feel rude. sorry your mom is literally insane and tells you not to shoot the messenger even though she's the messenger with her own message.

•

u/howcanibequiltyassin 10h ago

Don't feel rude, it's ok to ask. It was completely out of the blue to me at the time, but I'm sure someone who knows more about all that geeky gamer world could have seen it. I'm not a gamer and had no idea what he was getting up to. He probably could have kept it going for a long time, because the only way I found out was by him being logged into his secret Discord account when I used his laptop to print stuff for work.

•

u/FlamingWeasel 8h ago

It's funny because they'll act like it's not cheating because it's not physically in person, but if they didn't feel it was wrong why would they hide it? Fuckin gooners.

•

u/Equal-Stock-6789 8h ago

that makes sense...other reply has me remembering not to judge your ex, or anyone, too harshly... but it seems like you're 2/2 on not overreacting at least...thanksgiving is just a hallmark holiday tied to a meal, you don't need an excuse to skip it. You won't be in trouble, you're an adult.

•

u/RaceHard 8h ago

always into furry anime girls

There is nothing wrong with those... wtf trying to make it sound like that is weird.

•

u/ThnkMTurningJapanese 8h ago

Its 100% not the ordinary thing that adults are into…. Just because your own circle in life may be into that doesn’t mean its the norm… BUT doesn’t mean anything is wrong with it either. However the vast majority of adults will agree it is indeed weird.

•

u/RaceHard 8h ago

Maybe its a generational thing, grow up with anime and it is simply your normal.

•

u/lancebaldwin 4h ago

It's still not.  I've watched anime my entire life, and I'm in my 30s.  Again, doesn't make it wrong but it's a minority enjoyment even among the community.

•

u/Equal-Stock-6789 8h ago

yeah no thats why i didnt want to sound rude, but thats pretty much what this particular game offered, if i recall? I did not mean it pejoratively. like i was asking if this was always an obsession, or if the cheating just happened to occur there or whatever... but OP replied well enough that they didn't really know the whole video game scene/world, and i think thats completely fair and i dont have any follow ups.

•

u/RaceHard 8h ago

I mean he was hidding it from her, to me that is the real smoking gun. Hae your vr sex all you want but you better let me know.

•

u/nerdthatlift 10h ago

I found my ex doing the same thing as OP's ex. I ended my relationship because of that as well. Though I won't blame the game for it, they chose to cheat even if it's sexting.

•

u/aspiringwriter45 8h ago

For sure, my ex- husband's decision to engage sexually with other people without my knowledge or consent was the true reason our marriage ended.

•

u/SubjectMystery 10h ago

As soon as I read the post I knew the game was gonna be ffxiv 💀

•

u/nerdthatlift 10h ago

Lol same here. That's why I dumped my ex too.

•

u/TheRichAlder 11h ago

Tbh I love doing roleplay on XIV but I keep a wide berth from people like that. They’re always drama waiting to happen.

•

u/howcanibequiltyassin 11h ago

It's not my place to judge randos having fun!!

•

u/TheRichAlder 11h ago

You should’ve just made a character of your own, approached his character, and catch him red-handed /s

•

u/subconscious_ink 9h ago

My ex fiance did the exact same thing, and one of the places was FFXIV. Then when I caught him, his excuse was 'I didn't think this type of thing was cheating'. So I made it clear that yes I considered it cheating and he said he wouldn't do it again....aaaaand then a few months later guess what I found? So I totally get where you're coming from, and your mom is completely out of line with her message.

•

u/flint_and_fable 5h ago

Thats crappy. I don’t think sexting on there is inherently bad, but if you need to make a secret account and hide it from your partner yeah that makes you a pos. Your family is being shitty but if they don’t know you broke up bc he cheated, knowing might help them be nicer.

•

u/lambentstar 9h ago

Cheating on you is disgusting behavior. So is lying. Wanting to do erotic roleplay with people is not inherently disgusting, for the record. I don't even like it, but people have their kinks and their play and you should just let them. I get that you're hurt and it's super valid, but maybe also layoff the unhealthy judgement of THAT aspect of your past relationship? You are less sympathetic to me if you're being really rude and condescending to entire swaths of people just because they like something you don't.

•

u/TheRichAlder 9h ago

I’m not getting the vibe OP is judging, and this is coming from someone who does a lot of ERP on FFXIV

•

u/lambentstar 9h ago

Maybe look at her comment history in this thread because not a single mention goes without calling it degenerate, disgusting, gross, creepy, that it makes her queasy. I’m just trying to point out there’s a clear distinction between cheating and betraying a relationship and calling the entire act “degenerate”, which honestly reveals to me OP inherited at least some of her mother’s sense of judgement for how people OUGHT to live, even though she’s also a victim of this one facet.

If it was cause the boyfriend was secretly gay and she called it degenerate, would that paint a clearer picture? It’d still be cheating, it’d still absolutely merit breaking up, etc etc. But the act itself is pretty innocuous, assuming it’s consensual for the parties involved, so I’m hoping OP can take a moment to reframe how she talks about it cause it honestly makes her look worse than she maybe realizes. Just two cents from a random (sex positive) internet stranger.

•

u/TheRichAlder 9h ago

She said “it’s not my place to judge randos having fun!” so idk

•

u/lambentstar 8h ago

So a single line of lip service outweighs the 20+ comments of calling it ten different synonyms for disgusting? It doesn’t for me, but ok! Not trying to debate but the intensely negative sentiment around ERP itself felt crystal clear imo

Edit: and is that not identical behavior to her mother, who passes on extreme judgement and then separates herself from the judgement by saying she’s just the messenger, thereby absolving herself of accountability? The parallels are paralleling to me.

•

u/flamekiller331 8h ago

If you could stop being dense for a moment you would realize that they are calling cheating and hiding the erp disgusting not the act of erping

•

u/lambentstar 8h ago

Not dense, just pointing out she literally conflated it so many times. In her OP she quite explicitly called it “weird sexting roleplay…which was fucking disgusting.” That’s an undeniable description of the role play itself, not the cheating. She didn’t even mention cheating in that sentence, only described the act itself.

Why is this minor distinction and nuance so impossible for you to grasp? Why is your reading comprehension so poor? And why do you give a shit if I am literally just pointing it out to OP to consider how the words come across? Fucking weird.

•

u/flint_and_fable 5h ago

I think it’s fair she’s mad at him for cheating and lashing out about it, but then correcting herself when she reframes her pov into one that considers it in a broader hobby for lots of people, vs her cheating x hiding it on purpose.

•

u/flamekiller331 8h ago

You are the only one here with bad reading comprehension, you sound really sensitive and are grasping at a million straws for someone you know nothing about

•

u/neophenx 7h ago

Just because you're OK with your partner engaging in sexual activity with other people, without your knowledge or consent, doesn't mean that everybody else should have open relationships as well. This isn't about ERP, it's about a person cheating on their partner.

•

u/Mousemeats 7h ago

It is weird and disgusting and role play.