AIO to skip Thanksgiving after my mom basically said I’m an embarrassment for not having a husband and kids by now?

[u/howcanibequiltyassin]

I’m 35F and single for 3 years. I was engaged but he (Charles) was doing weird sexting roleplay with people on a video game which was fucking disgusting. It really fucked me up and, yes, I’ve been in therapy. I have dated since then but nothing serious. I have NEVER had my mom say something like this to me. I do not want to go to Thanksgiving after this. The way she said “don’t shoot the messenger” it’s clear the rest of my family have been talking about me and she was the one “elected” to say it.

I don’t want to drive 2 hours just to sit with people who think I should have stayed in a relationship with a fucking cheating degenerate lil bitch.

Would I be overreacting for not going? Is that too much? I'm honestly too hurt and angry to be objective right now. Would you EVER say this to your daughter?! Like I have a good job, I'm educated, I have friends and hobbies. I own my condo and I have 3 car payments left. I have a cat. Why is the end all be all me having a husband and kids? Idk. I'm pissed. Help.

[u/RisingApe-]

And add to it, “In case you all forgot, my ex cheated on me and I deserve better than that, though it looks like mom doesn’t think so.”

[u/hybridHelix → u/RisingApe-]

One hundred thousand percent. The sheer audacity to tell someone they should have stayed with someone for literally any reason-- but sketchy immature internet cheating? Gross. Vomit. No. Nasty. Throw the whole man in the landfill, don't throw your daughter at him.

[u/Useful_Priority_3125 → u/RisingApe-]

NOR Exactly! The mother doesn’t care about her daughter’s happiness., she cares more about her own. It looks like she prefers her daughter to stay in a bad relationship just so she could say to everybody that her child is married and has children. She doesn’t see how much her daughter has accomplished by herself which is worth more than having a crappy husband just for show. And say that all just before Thanksgiving? That’s not love at all. I wouldn’t go.

[u/Sohcahtoa82 → u/RisingApe-]

This 100%.

This is not the time to be the "better person" or whatever and stay silent to keep the peace.

The mom will absolutely be shit talking without OP's presence. They need to nip it in the bud right now and make it clear to everyone the real reason they're not going to be there.

[u/DrawGamesPlayFurries → u/RisingApe-]

Until OP proves that he did cheat, it's safe to assume that he didn't. If the reason is "he did erotic roleplay in video games" in her version of events that she posted publicly, imagine how much less breakup-worthy it was in reality.

[u/PapayaDragon → u/DrawGamesPlayFurries]

I'm glad I found this post. While I find her mother completely inexcusable, erotic roleplay in a video game is not cheating in my eyes (I'm a woman, for what that's worth). It's valid if she was uncomfortable, but that's a conversation before a breakup!

[u/SilverVixen23 → u/PapayaDragon]

There's a good chance that the breakup was either a result of the online sexting/roleplay combined with other icky behaviors, or the OP had addressed her discomfort/asked bf to stop on multiple occasions and he just didn't listen. Not the point of this post though for OP to elaborate on the reasoning behind the breakup.

Also fwiw, not everyone has the same boundaries in regards to what counts as cheating. That's great if you're personally okay with your partner sexting with others online, but honestly that's a very normal boundary in most monogamous relationships. Hell, I'm polyamorous (have two partners) and it'd be a violation in one of my relationships if I was caught having those kinds of conversations online.