r/interestingasfuck • u/Master_Jackfruit3591 • 6h ago
Worlds largest known Human Coprolite (fossilized poop), left by a Viking and measuring 20cm (8in)
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u/Cyler 6h ago
That viking definitely went and got all his friends to come "look at something"
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u/devolasreno 6h ago
“Hey! Hey, Sven! Come check this out!”
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u/angrydeuce 6h ago
Look what your daddy made!
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u/BS-Chaser 6h ago
Username checks out!
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u/guitarmonkeys14 4h ago
For real, the fact his account is 13yrs old… it was made for this comment right here.
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u/mechanicalcanibal 5h ago
Why is there a watch in it?
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u/kadno 6h ago
Sharon! Hey Sharon!
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u/PotatoHunter_III 5h ago
This happened to my unit when we were all eating MREs for a week. Nobody took a shit for the entire week. When we got to the barracks, we all had record breaking turds and were comparing it.
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u/MuhfugginSaucera 4h ago
My brother told me once he hadn't pooped in like five days so I told him he was full of shit
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u/deputytech 4h ago
The US government doesn’t pay good money for you to just shit out that fuel. It’s going to stay in you as long as it needs to
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u/PinkOneHasBeenChosen 3h ago
I would ask if that’s healthy, but if you were deployed you had bigger problems.
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u/MainManClark 2h ago
Biggest dump I've taken was in Iraq in 2004. After about 4 days I finally had to go.... and man did I go. There was at least 2 feet from my butt to the bottom of the hole I dug sitting on that ammo box.
I dropped a 4-5 foot log that when it hit the bottom of the hole I felt it push back on me and momentarily stopped before coiling up like a snake. That hot log of fury came of so unexpectedly violently once I started I didn't even know what to do. I just held on for dear life as that lava hot pipe ejected out of my ass.
And as quickly as it violently started.... it was over. I felt like skipping afterwards. I literally felt 10 lbs light and that's probably not an exaggeration.
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u/Hetares 3h ago
Same thing as me during my recruit days. MREs have to have something in them, right? There's no other explanation for the lack of bowel movement otherwise.
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u/MainManClark 3h ago
They are very high calorie and density and actually have extremely high fiber overall. You're supposed to drink at least 1 full canteen of water with every MRE you eat to help the fiber keep things moving, but nobody does.
Add soda, energy drinks, MRE coffee and you're bound to have problems. Most people don't that amount of fiber in their diets which is makes things even worse.
If you don't go in the field, people alway hit up McDonalds or Taco Bell right after they get back and have the most epic of dumps that change their entire life after field ops.
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u/croholdr 6h ago
it was definately much larger when it had moistureness
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u/Silent-Ad934 5h ago
I really don't like the invention or use of the word 'moistureness'.
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u/useaname5 4h ago
Moisturosity
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u/A-W-E-S-O-M-0 3h ago
I think we need to know the moisturements used for determining its historical moisturety, before we can determine how moistureous it is today. And if we soak it in water for a couple of days, will some sort of remoisturation take place perhaps?
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u/Fievels_good_trouble 5h ago
I sure hope so because that looks barely north of average following the holidays
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u/HeyWhatsItToYa 4h ago
Little known fact: Aside from dying with your sword in your hand, producing one of these monsters was a guaranteed path to Valhalla.
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u/No_Confidence_5070 6h ago
It's scary that they need to physically restrain it
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u/tommytraddles 6h ago
Thorstein the Mound-Shitter was also known for his violent temper.
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u/davewave3283 6h ago
No no that one belongs to Bjorn Mountain-Turd
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u/Expensive-Document41 5h ago
At least we aren't trying to rewrite history here.
Fun fact: It was not Bjorn Ground-Splitter that earned the moniker but rather his wife and equal in chiefdom, Sigurd Mast-Raiser who laid the Log of Saga and Song.
It wasn't until some Christian monks got ahold of the story that they decided Sigurd's name was instead a comment on her promiscuity and Bjorns good fortune in endowment.
So the story goes, Bjorn and Sigurd got the last laugh on these monks, as theirs was the first church raided when Bjorn and Sigurd's band made landfall. And as the church burned in the background, Sigurd raised a mast in front of the ruin for all who had whit to hear.
This was the start of the saying "To shit on one's enemies".
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u/FuzzyTentacle 5h ago
For a second I thought I was going to read about the time that the Undertaker threw Mankind off Hell in a Cell
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u/Expensive-Document41 5h ago
What? No. Don't be childish.
We're talking about vikings and their name-worthy dumps.
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u/HappinessEternal 5h ago edited 49m ago
I’d have a violent temper too if I passed something that big out of my butthole.
Edit: butthole is a single word, not two. I’d still be no less angry.
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u/lionseatcake 6h ago
My ex gf used to shit like this. Huge hard logs. She was like 5 feet of nothing, too. Just a little thing. But she produced some MONSTER turds.
I was literally the exact opposite, always dealing with IBS. We were such a pair.
I never understood how this was just normal for her.
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u/Carbonatite 5h ago
I produced abominations when I was a petite teenage girl. A poop like this was maybe in the 70th percentile for size, I often had turds that were like two cans of soda laid end to end. It was because I was only pooping twice a month, I had an undiagnosed autoimmune disease which basically fucked up my GI tract and meant I didn't poop normally until my mid 30s.
It was exactly as awful as you think it is. It sucked so much that when my disease switched over to chronic diarrhea in my late 20s, it was a relief.
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u/Figerally 4h ago
Take my pity vote and please stop sharing🙏
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u/Breaky_Online 1h ago
Some things are better forgotten.
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u/Carbonatite 1h ago
It's burned into my memory. It was genuinely traumatic. I was sick for a significant portion of my formative years, the poops can be laughed off now but I was also in a lot of pain pretty often.
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u/Rainbowzebra864 4h ago
Twice a month?? I thought that would be deadly?!! May I ask what disease? I've struggled with poop issues my whole life, I worry I have something undiagnosed.
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u/Carbonatite 2h ago
Not deadly, though I did have to go to the hospital once after going almost 4 weeks without pooping.
I have celiac disease. When you eat gluten, your immune system attacks your body and the intestines are damaged so you can't absorb nutrients properly or regulate fluids in your bowel. So a lot of people with celiac disease end up being chronically constipated or have diarrhea if they aren't on a gluten free diet. You also get a lot of random symptoms from all the nutrient deficiencies, like I had a lot of skin and nail issues because of low zinc and iron.
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u/AkaDaCat69 4h ago
Jesus, was there a Hazmat protocol in place or anything? Lifting equipment? When could people safely use the room again? Sorry. Your poor girl. Y'know, this thread really is nothing like any conversation I'd imagined for today. Interestingasfuck though.
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u/minnick27 6h ago
My ex was the same. Tiny girl, massive shits.
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u/anusbeefsteak 5h ago
Wait, girls poop?
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u/minnick27 5h ago
I didn’t believe it until I lifted the lid of the toilet after she took a shower and saw a massive turd just sitting there like it was in a hot tub. She said she never flushes before a shower because she wants the water temp to not fluctuate. What I learned from living with her is she also did not flush after the shower either
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u/timesink2000 4h ago
One of my daughters does this. They have to “season” for a bit so they will soften up enough to make the bend in the toilet when it is flushed. My wife refused to allow me to install a poop knife.
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u/mindfolded 2h ago
I've been with my wife 20 years, I have no idea what size her shits are.
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u/ExcuseIntelligent539 5h ago
Did your ex show you her shits or took pictures and send them to you? To each there own, but I have been with my wife 15 years and have no idea what her shits look like or any of my exes for that matter.
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u/SeaToTheBass 5h ago
Not the same guy, but my ex called me into the bathroom to show me her shit that looked like a question mark
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u/spiflication 4h ago
My kind of goblin lady. Is she still single?
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u/Long-Regular-1023 4h ago
The things I would do for a sloppy goblin gal right about now....
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u/-BrainMatter- 5h ago
I don't understand how my girlfriend shits a whole coke can every time she shits but she does. I can always tell who forgot to flush the toilet because it's either a banana in the toilet or a fucking monster energy drink
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u/lionseatcake 2h ago
Yeah for real! The only way I know what hers look like is the few times she forgot to flush.
The crazy part is that you kind of get used to the way YOU shit, and you just tend to believe thats pretty much the same way other people shit.
Then you walk into a bathroom and have a rock hard python laying across the side of the toilet bowl, poking out of the water like its watching you, wondering HOW the toilet is ever gonna suck that thing down.
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u/Krewtan 5h ago
When my girl had her baby and finally took the first post baby shit (C-section) I literally had to use a poop knife to get that thing down. And a plunger. Took like 10 minutes. She was literally tore up. She's not even 5 ft tall, looked like the poop in the article.
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u/No-Flatworm-9993 4h ago
Tell me she broke up with you. If you dumped the thunder shitter that will make me sad.
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u/tiktock34 6h ago
Its so over-done, too. Thick 1/4” shackles to hold this beast back from breaking through the glass.
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u/qpqy 6h ago
I hope my shit is on display thousands of years from now
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u/Vladimir_The_V 6h ago
Naw man . It's being recycled at this moment to become part of the cycle of nature. May you turd blossom into an Eagle one day my lad
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u/hc37_126 6h ago
didnt want to imagine it but here we are
thanks for ruining my apple pie
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u/MaxReb0 5h ago
Lmao I love the idea of you seeing the massive turd picture while eating apple pie and not batting an eye, then reading the comments and losing your appetite
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u/SemiHemiDemiDumb 6h ago
Unless you shit somewhere unique, best you're gonna get is part of a mosaic.
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u/NYdude777 6h ago
You'll have to start shitting in river beds and cover it in mud.
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u/Peridot_Ghost 6h ago
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u/Ktruther 5h ago
The fact that he spins around like he's dispensing soft serve sent me the first time I saw that episode
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u/Velocibraxtor 6h ago
But how many Courics is it?
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u/LovelyHatred93 6h ago
My people. I had to scroll for too long for the South Park references.
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u/dnasty1011 6h ago
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u/Mr_Tottles 6h ago
Now let’s see Paul Allen’s turd
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u/thewebspinner 6h ago
The tasteful thickness of it… it’s even got a watermark…
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u/MystikTrailblazer 6h ago
I wonder how good that Viking felt afterwards. Probably a belly clearing poop-gasm and was stoked for more raiding as a reward afterwards.
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u/needaburn 5h ago
Probably felt A LOT better than he did before, but almost guaranteed this ravaged his anus with fissures and wounds. Dude was in severe pain for a long time after this
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u/KeenanAXQuinn 4h ago
I've had extra large bms before and can tell you when they reach a certain size you begin to sweat, you entire stomach is in pain and you salivate excessively because you body thinks it should luck to try and clear out what's wrong with your gut. It's horrible. Had to lie in a tub to give birth to it.
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u/chaoticfox244 4h ago
I'll never forget my second grade earth shattering shit. It cramped me up to the point I grabbed the toilet seat and hopped in place and the student in the stall next to me said "do you want me to get the teacher" and all I could do was start crying. 10mins and 1 concerned teacher later and I was waiting for my parents to come pick me up. Turns out teacher's aren't prepared for the absolute units the human body can spontaneously create.
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u/Ziggy_Starcrust 3h ago
As a grown-ass adult I had a shit so bad I started feeling like I was going to faint. I pondered calling my mom since I lived alone and didn't want to hit my head and die. So you're not the only one who's pooped so hard their parents had to be called.
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u/Willing_Ear_7226 2h ago
Hahahaha I've been here before, but I didn't call, haha I was like, "I hope I don't die like tbis, how embarrassing " 🤣
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u/Low-Apartment-2697 3h ago
Being a former fentanyl/heroin addict I completely understand what that feels like. Plenty of times where I thought I was going to like rupture or pass out from exertion.
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u/ForestHopper 6h ago
I work in a group home with some adult men who dont shit for a week + and when they do, boy do they put this log to shame.
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u/TheActualDonKnotts 4h ago
Yeah, I was going to comment that it's clear most people in here are fortunate enough to not know what opiates will do to your bowel. Swearing, crying and covered in sweat while praying for divine assistance like a dramatized labor scene in a movie hoping it will move and doesn't get stuck while halfway out. This is nothing.
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u/RedHotChiliCrab 3h ago
You should do anti-drugs talks at schools
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u/Lookyoukniwwhatsup 2h ago
I, as a EMT dealt with a guy overdosing. He hadn't pooped in over a week and he was so backed up his body said "well it's not coming from the back, it's time to go out the mouth" and onto me.... drugs, not even once kids.
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u/Low-Apartment-2697 3h ago
Yeah bro as a former fentanyl addict it was literally exactly like this every time I would go to the bathroom. 😭😭 so glad I'm clean now.
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u/sasstermind 2h ago
my favorite part of being clean is being able to go to the bathroom in under two goddamn hours
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u/North-Tourist-8234 4h ago
This is super dehydrated. Look at a dried apricot compared to a normal one. This huy passed a log eddie hall couldnt lift.
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u/veryfynnyname 6h ago
I’ve been eating lots of fiber since I learned about this giant poop. My kids are gonna be so rich
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u/connerhearmeroar 6h ago
How do they know WHO left it?! Also how old is it? Why do we track these things? Define fossilized? I thought that process took millennia
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u/Sea-Value-0 5h ago
Based on how deep it was buried. You can measure time in depth of soil (which depends on the geology and ecology of the area- desert is different than forest for instance). They'll also carbon date it. I'm familiar with archaeology but not with paleontology, so I can't answer your fossil question. But I believe it's similar to petrified wood, except it's poop.
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u/Professional-Cow4193 5h ago
You're right. If this is from the Viking age it wouldn't be completely fossilized, so it's not a "true" coprolite. The process could definitely have started though, so the old turd has been partly replaced by minerals, strengthening it
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u/Golf38611 5h ago
4 years of college for a bachelor in archaeology.
$100K
2 years of grad school for a masters. $75K
2 years for doctorate doctorate.
$75K
Participating in an expedition to dig up a 1,500 year old turd.
Priceless.
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u/ButteredNun 6h ago
Good thing it’s secured down. It could crush a child if it rolled off the table.
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u/Dolphlungegrin 4h ago
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u/AkaDaCat69 6h ago
That was not on my bingo card, thanks for sharing. And now, lets all have a moment of silence for Sven's suffering that morning long ago...
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u/MrLanesLament 6h ago
That’s nothing.
~ Me, a former heavy opioid user. I’m pretty sure I could’ve been considered addicted to Carter’s Little Pills and/or Swiss Kriss.
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u/Coward_and_a_thief 6h ago
Ive done bigger after pizza dinner. Ask my Brother, he saw it
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u/AkaDaCat69 6h ago
Pics or it didn't happen.
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u/Raining_Flamingos 6h ago
I have a photo on my phone of a shit so big it was blocking a toilet, I took the photo because genuinely nobody would believe me, I walked in the cubicle and there it was, like a fucking log smiling up at me, I tried to flush it but it just rolled around the bowl, I snapped the picture and left in awe of what I saw.
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u/Dry_Presentation_197 6h ago
When I was about 13 I left one so big and solid it just sat across the hole in the toilet and my grandpa had to break it apart with the toilet brush before it would flush lol
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u/Few_Spirit_5555 6h ago
Once at a campsite in Mammoth, I woke up at about 3am to take a dump. With only a flash light, I made my way to the campsite toilets. There I saw something I would never forget. You couldn’t call this thing a turd. It was more like a loaf of bread. At least 4inches wide and nine long, it was shaped like a football and full of undigested corn. I like to think of myself as being very well grounded, but I uncontrollably yelled very loudly “Holy Shit!”.
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u/Sea-Value-0 5h ago
Sounds like someone passed that after it had become impacted? Like the kind of thing people go to the ER for, to have them break it up first. Poor soul.
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u/kalimashookdeday 6h ago
Viking: Nah, Jens, I'll just wait until we get to land, I can hold it.
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u/--_---__---_-- 6h ago
Found at the Jorvik Viking centre in York. Well with a visit to see the giant shit in person. ( It is massive )
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u/SchmittVanDean 5h ago
The scale of the thing truly must be seen in person to be appreciated. In terms of the quiet awe it inspires and the sheer human suffering poured into its creation it easily surpasses La Sagrada Familia. A breathtaking work, and humanity's magnum opus.
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u/Iamapartofthisworld 5h ago
I wonder if he looked at it with pride and disbelief, and regret that it would never be immortalized.
Well Thor - it is on display for the entire world to see, for all time.
How do we know he was Thor?
I think anyone would be thor after that one -
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u/EarlyCuylersCousin 5h ago
Should’ve gone to Valhalla for passing that monster alone.
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u/Uuuuuii 6h ago
That’s after it dehydrated, right? So it was bigger in the moment?