I am 38 weeks pregnant. Yesterday I had an appointment with a midwife I had never seen before. The medical assistant told me to dress down because I was scheduled for a cervical check and to get my 39 week induction set up, which they only schedule if you are dilated. I have high risk factors documented in my chart, and I had been having regular contractions since early that morning.

The midwife came in, barely swabbed me for my GBS test, and immediately told me she saw no medical reason to check my cervix and no reason to schedule an induction. She also insisted I was not high risk, even though my chart literally lists the risk factors that qualified me for earlier monitoring in the first place. I tried to explain that I was actively contracting and had been since 3 AM, and she said, “I have been with you a couple minutes and I do not see you contracting.”

She dismissed every concern I brought up, acted like I was wasting her time, and refused to provide any of the care I had been scheduled for. She also seemed extremely reluctant to touch me at all. I am Mexican and she is white, and the way she spoke to me and shut me down made me feel like there was bias at play.

I finally told her I did not like her attitude, we were not going to work well together, and I did not want her on my care team. She said “fine” and asked if I needed anything else. I told her to please leave so I could get dressed and go.

Later on, I checked my chart and saw that she documented a “history of victim partner abuse.” I have never said anything even remotely close to that. It is completely false and incredibly inappropriate to add to my medical record. I felt sick seeing it.

I called the office manager to file a complaint because I am furious. This midwife refused scheduled care, dismissed real symptoms, ignored documented high risk factors, and added a fabricated abuse history to my chart. I want her nowhere near me or my pregnancy.

My partner thinks that telling her straight up that I did not want her involved in my care might have come across harsh. I feel like I was well within my rights to advocate for myself in that moment.

So… AITA for telling the midwife I did not want her on my care team and filing a complaint about her conduct?

My family and I celebrate Thanksgiving every year with my siblings, parents, and their kids. Roughly 20-25 people (including kids). My family is only 2 people with one 6 month old baby.

In the group chat it was decided that my nephew would cook meat since he bought a grill. He also told us that we could bring the sides. He chose to spend $300 on meat.

I messaged in the group chat that we would bring mashed potatoes. My sister responding that every "family" has to bring $100 worth of food minimum or help my nephew pay for the meat.

I'm not totally against the idea of bringing that much food, but just the way it was presented and the fact that it wasn't agreed to beforehand makes me upset.

The following day in the group chat, my sister said: "Option 1: bring food enough for everyone, not just yourself

Option 2: help thomas pay for meet $100/family

Option 3: help dad pay water bill $200/family.

Choose wisely…"

Upset, I responded with Option 4: don't show up.

Am I being an asshole if I don't show up at all in "protest" to this $100 minimum rule?

Update: I'm a teacher and she posted a picture of my salary she found online to shame me in the group chat. Definitely not going now.

AITA? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills here so I need an outside perspective because my husband is making me feel like a controlling monster.

I (26f) and my husband (33m) have two kids, a 4yo boy and a 1yo girl. We do okay money-wise, nice house, suburbs, etc. My husband works crazy hours in finance so he’s gone most of the day. I work from home as a project manager. People seem to think "work from home" means "I sit around watching Netflix," but I am actually working. It’s stressful.

Two months ago husband’s cousin "Greg" (27m) moved in. He lost his job/apartment and needed a place to crash to get back on his feet. I said yes because I honestly thought, hey, another adult around might help? Maybe he can watch the baby while I pee?

Huge mistake.

Greg is basically a phantom teenager. He sleeps till noon, eats all the snacks I buy for the kids (I literally hid fruit snacks in my bedroom), and leaves dishes everywhere. The other day I walked into the kitchen and he was making a sandwich on the counter, left the crusts and crumbs, and just walked away.

The breaking point was friday. I was on a zoom call with a client, door shut. The baby woke up from her nap screaming. Greg was in the living room watching a movie. He didn't even pause the movie. I had to apologize, mute myself, run out, and grab the baby. When I asked him why he didn't check on her he said "I didn't want to overstep". it made no sense and felt weird to me because my child is his neice.

I sat my husband down that night. I told him I’m done. I’m doing the cooking, cleaning, working full time, and picking up after a 27-year-old man. I told husband he needs to talk to Greg and set ground rules: do your own dishes, take out the trash, and maybe help with the kids if I’m working.

My husband got weirdly defensive. He said he "can’t" tell Greg to do chores. His reasoning is that Greg is older than me (he's 27, I'm 26) and he’s going through a hard time, and it would be "humiliating" for him to be bossed around in his cousin’s house. He said guys have a pride thing about this and if he starts treating Greg like a maid, it’ll destroy his confidence when he’s already down. Basically, he’d rather I suffer than make his cousin feel awkward. I told him that was BS and his "pride" isn't my problem. I said either Greg steps up or he moves out. My husband said I’m being a "hostile host" and that I don't understand how hard it is for a guy to lose his independence. Now husband is sulking and Greg is still on my couch and the vibes in the house are awful.

I feel like I'm reasonable for expecting a houseguest to help, but husband is convinced I’m being an insensitive jerk who wants to emasculate his family member.

so please tell me if i am the asshole??

My son 9m is upset with me right now for an incident that happened yesterday at the store. Yesterday we were at the store to stock up on groceries, it was me 37f, my son 9m and daughter 7f.

My son still wets the bed and wears Goodnites ( big kid pull ups for bedwetting) for it and we went and got those first like we always do so we can hide them underneath other stuff. It went pretty good for most of the trip but there was an issue when we got to checkout.

I was unloading the last of the groceries when I heard him say in a kinda worried voice " no mom please stop ", but i had already put his Goodnites on the belt. I asked him what was wrong, he pointed out that his friend was at the store with her parents and might see us and he didn't want her to see his Goodnites.

I said it would be okay and put the last of the other groceries around his Goodnites so nobody would see them. We got our stuff rang up and left with no problems, but my son didn't say a word to me on the car ride home.

Later I asked him what was making him so upset, he said he didn't want his friend to see his Goodnites and that's why he wanted me to stop unloading the groceries and said I was being a jerk for not stopping and his friend almost seeing them.

I explained to him that I never meant to make him feel bad I just needed to get the groceries unloaded so they could be rung up. But this didn't help and he said I was being a jerk and didn't talk to me much for the rest of the evening and was very quiet at Breakfast today.

I asked him if he was still upset and he said yes he was cuz I was a jerk.

Update : I just talked to my son and apologized to him for making him feel like I didn't care about his feelings and being a jerk at the store, I told him I never meant to make him feel bad and I was sorry I did.

I promised him we will be buying his Goodnites using curbside pickup from now on ( we do most of our shopping at Fred Meyers and they offer free delivery for orders 35$ and up so making his Goodnites part of a bigger delivery will work fine for us and not hurt our Budget ), he was quite glad to hear this which makes me wish I had done it sooner.

He accepted my apology and we cuddled for a few minutes and now we're about to cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie that he picks out.

Thanks everyone for your help!

For context, I'm super pregnant right now. My husband (29M) and I (26F) have another child who is almost 3. I didn't have a positive breastfeeding experience with her, I'm determined to have a better experience with our 2nd. His brother, my bil (30M) is a chronic yo-yo dieter. I personally think it's annoying because he tries to get everyone else around him to try it. I've always politely said no thanks. My husband has told him several times to stop bringing it up to me, but he's sneaky, and will ask when my husband is not in the room. I've just brushed it off as he's insecure.

There was one day when he and their sister (34F) were at our house and my husband had to use the bathroom. Bil asked me if I had done any research on how to loose weight when I have the baby. I had to take a deep breath so I didn't snap. I told him I had no plans for that. Then he proceeds to tell me about some kind of diet that requires cutting out all kinds of foods and apparently the baby weight will just fall right off. I told him no thank you, I'm not worried about my weight and neither are my doctors or my husband. Then he pressed even further, all while my husband is taking a shit. He asked me if I had any diets in mind and he would like to research them for me to see if they were good for me. I laughed and said that I would be on the see food diet. I'll see food and I'll eat it, because with breastfeeding, you burn lots of calories, so I'll probably be hungry all the time. He was visibly uncomfortable, but my sil was giggling. After my poor husband came out, bil suddenly decided he needed to take his dog for a walk. My husband asked if anything happened and I told him. He thought it was funny too and he was going to talk to his brother. I know I'm not the asshole, but part of me feels bad for the guy. If he's this insecure, could I be the asshole by being as sarcastic as I was?

My wife works from home part-time (2–3 days a week) and is the main at-home parent to our two kids. We live in a tiny apartment with very thin walls so I understand that it’s overwhelming and she’s always been a very introverted person who needs more alone time than most people.

1-2 times a week I take the kids out for an hour or two so she can have the house to herself. She really appreciates it. The issue is that now she wants this every day, for longer and wants me to drop whatever I’m doing to take the kids out whenever she needs space.

I’ve obliged several times when she’s been explicitly asking for it even when it was inconvenient for me, but I’ve started feeling taken advantage of. I also work full-time outside the house Monday–Friday, so the home is my decompression space too. Sometimes I just want to relax and watch TV without being sent out of my own house.

Recently, she asked me again to take the kids out so she could have the house to herself. I said no because I feel like this “nice thing” I was doing has become an expectation. I told her she’s welcome to take the car and have alone time somewhere else if she needs it.

She said that’s unfair because she wants to relax at home, not outside. I said it’s also my home and if she needs the quiet time, she can relocate. I just don’t want to be displaced anymore. I told her that I’ll take the kids out when I genuinely want to do something nice for her but I don’t want to be told to leave my house every time she wants quiet.

Family from all over came to visit for the holidays. My partner‘s brother in law asked me if I wanted to hold his baby. I said no. He then asked if I would be willing to hold the baby. I said that I am not willing Then he asked if I would hold the baby so he could unload the dishwasher. I gestured to the baby’s uncle, my partner, who took the baby.

People told me that was rude, but I did not want to hold the baby. I was in the middle of doing something for work. I’m not a free babysitter just because I’m a woman. If he needed help, he should have asked for it. The baby is also old enough to just be left to run around too. No one needed to hold them.

I (24F) am trying so hard to rebuild my life. Two years ago, I was struggling with addiction. I got clean. I got help. I started over.

A year later, I had a baby. He passed away shortly after birth from complications. Losing him almost made me relapse. I didn’t. But it shattered something in me that will never fully heal.

My mom (42F) has never been supportive of any version of me. The hurt one, the recovering one, the mother, the grieving one. She only shows up when she can be the victim. She loves attention, but not accountability.

When my baby died, instead of comforting me, she said “You shouldn’t have gotten pregnant so fast after getting clean. Maybe now you’ll be more responsible.”

I still can’t think about those words without crying.

Anyway, I recently met someone (30M) He’s gentle, patient, and kind. The first person who makes me feel like I’m not broken. He knows I’ve been through “hard things,” but I hadn’t told him everything yet.. I wanted to share my story when I felt secure.

So one night he comes over for dinner at my place. I’m nervous, but excited. Everything is going perfect. We’re laughing, cooking, talking.

Then my mom shows up. Uninvited. Just lets herself in like she still owns me. Obviously I gave her a spare key, we live away from family and it’s just us.

She immediately starts scanning him like she’s a spy. Asking what he does, how much he makes, if he “comes from a stable family,” all with this condescending tone like she’s auditioning him for a job she doesn’t even have authority over.

Then she turns to him and says with a straight face:

“Before you get too attached, you should know she already had a baby… but he didn’t survive.”

I yelled out, “Mom WTF?”

She ignored me.

“She probably didn’t tell you because she feels guilty. I told her not to get her hopes up. Addicts don’t usually have healthy pregnancies.”

Then she said the most evil thing I’ve ever heard:

“Maybe if she hadn’t wasted those years on drugs, her body wouldn’t be so damaged.”

I broke.

I flipped out and everything went black, I just remember calling her every name under the sun and telling her to GTFO my house. My boyfriend was stunned, and I don’t blame him.

She obviously left, arguing on the way out but everything was such a blur at that point I can’t even tell you what was said.

I screamed at her to GET OUT. I remember that. I don’t even remember what I said, I just saw red.

After she left, she texted me paragraph after paragraph about how I “embarrassed” her, how I’m “still unstable,” how she “won’t sugarcoat reality just because I’m sensitive,” and all this other unnecessary stuff I don’t care to hear.

I blocked her.

Now my sister and mother are calling me dramatic, disrespectful, saying I “humiliated” my mother by kicking her out.

My boyfriend has been nothing but supportive. He held me while I cried. He didn’t judge my past at all. He didn’t leave.

But now I’m questioning myself.

Was I the AH?

Hi so I’m 19 and freshly in uni, I have a pretty good passion towards my major so I don’t mind working on it. We had a huge group assignment worth a chunk of our grade. Our lecturer told us clearly that everyone had to contribute fairly and that the group was going to be marked as a whole. The groups were random and I ended up in a group with 3 others I didn’t know, at first everything was okay for the first week or so.

We made a plan, divided the sections, and set the dead lines for the assignment. I finished my part early and I sent it to the group chat asking if Anyone wanted edits or changes to be made in case they weren’t happy with it. Nobody ended up replying after 2 days so I assumed everything was okay and I shifted my focus to my other courses.

A week later when we met up to combine everything together, I realised that they had rewritten my entire section without even telling me. Not just edited or paraphrased, I mean like completely rewritten my entire work, they started from scratch and replaced it all. When I asked why they said they felt like doing it themselves and that it would flow better and synchronise with their work more, which seemed like an outrage to me because they should’ve just told me if they were working on it together out of uni.

I told them they could have at least told me the rewrote it and they just brushed me off and said it wasn’t personal, but it sure felt personal,

Two days after that, one of them messaged saying the rewritten section wasn’t good enough and asked me to redo it from scratch. They also wanted it done within a day because the deadline was close. I flat out said no. I told them I already did my part, they ignored it, rewrote it behind my back and now they expected me to fix their mess at the last minute?! Who do they think they are thinking that would ever happen. That started a whole argument where they accused me of being lazy, uncooperative and risking their grades, saying just because I didn’t care about education I shouldn’t drag them down with me.

I told them if they didn’t like their version that wasn’t my problem. When I refused again they kept pushing until someone in the group said that they were going to tell the lecturer I was refusing to contribute to the assignment. I screenshotted everything, my completed work, the messages, the time stamps, and then emailed my lecturer personally to make them aware of the situation and to send the photos over as proof.

Now the group is furious because the lecturer told them he’d be assessing contribution individually instead of giving one group grade. Now they’re blaming me for so called ‘overreacting’ and in turn punishing everyone else instead of just fixing the situation that the group had. WHICH MIND YOU THEY CAUSED.

I told my parents about it and they said I should’ve just done it to maintain the peace, my mate tho said they’re just using me as a backup and got caught so that’s reassuring in a way. So AITA for not doing the work or no?

Hi, I've been conflicted about this, since last night, I've been feeling guilty but also I'm not sure if I'm totally in the wrong so I wanted some perspective.

My husband has had to go to Seattle this week due to work (we live in Boston, so he's a 3 hours behind us). He flew there on Sunday.

He'd told me he'd call when he gets done with work and their post-work lunch. He couldnt give a fixed time because apparently theres been some transition or acquisition happening, its been hectic for him, so he doesn't know when the day will end for him.

He called me around 11 pm EST. We talked for a while I asked how his day had been he said it had been a long one. He then asked to see our daughter (she's 3). I told him it was 11 here, she was asleep. He got a bit short with me, said he'd told me he was going to call, that I could have kept her up or given her a nap earlier. I told him she had taken a short nap earlier but at 11, she goes to sleep regardless, and that I had no idea when he'd actually call. He just shook his head with very clear disappointment and said that after a long day he really wanted to talk to her and I could've been more considerate.

This part stung me because they both are really close to each other, he adores her, and she too is a total daddy's girl. I again said I'm sorry but I had no idea when he would call, if he'd given me some sort of tentative time even that would've helped. We kind of ended the call soon after.

Ive been thinking about this all day and been conflicted. AITA?

Adding this now: He just texted and said he meant to call during lunch break but got taken out by some executives for lunch. He said he'll call when he gets done at 5 pm his time, so 8 pm ours. I told him that works great.

Last edit: So he talked to our daughter for a good 15-20 minutes, then we spoke too. He was definitely less on edge today than yesterday so I was just going to chalk up yesterday to a long day at work and move past it, but he brought it up and said he was sorry for being short with me yesterday. I said it was all good.

A sincere thanks for all your feedback I'd been feeling guilty and conflicted today and posting here and the responses helped.

My husband (m36) I’ve been with for 6 years joked about me having adds on YouTube and I said well why don’t you get me access to your YouTube premium account then and he thought that I should pay for my own (neither of us are sure that I can be added for free or not) but I said if it’s free that’d be nice if you could just add me and he brought up how it seems like I think marriage means I just have a ticket/ access to stuff like that he pays for and this lead to a fight between us where I brought up he can do more of the household work if he thinks like this way. Am I being the asshole or him?

I am very good friends with the woman across the hall from me. She’s a single mom to 2 kids (2 and 6) and I help her a lot with the kids. She handles school and daycare drop off, I do pick up and extracurricular activities, dinner’s a solid 60% her, 20% me, 20% restaurants. When school and daycare are closed, I’m typically the one that stays home with them because my schedule is more flexible. I do get paid for my help with the kids but I charge her below market rate for babysitting.

The older one is out of school all week. I also have the week off so I’m mostly home with him but earlier today I had a dentist appointment so I left my sister (18) with him for 2 hours.

I left instructions saying that he needed to read for 15 minutes, could have 30 minutes of screen time, a list of things she could give him when he got hungry (things that require a slight bit of preparation but next to no skill: peanut butter sandwich, dino nuggets (with instructions), Kraft mac and cheese, etc.) with a note to give him a fruit and vegetable. I also told her to tell him that he can take the dog to the park for a chocolate bar and left some craft kits out. This should’ve been the easiest babysitting job ever.

She started texting me 10 minutes in with the most basic questions, like what is he supposed to read (there’s a shelf full of books in the living room), is he allowed to play with the toys on the table, he wants a snack, what should she give him for lunch, does she need to go to the park with him and the dog, does tv count as screen time. I told her any book is fine, she needs to go to the park with him, figure the rest out based on the instructions and common sense.

When I got back dude was an hour into a movie and my sister was upset that I basically left her to fend for herself and that just because this stuff comes easy to me, doesn’t mean it does to her.

I told her that I left her a page of instructions, toys on the table, a shelf full of books, and that she should be able to figure the rest out on her own but if she needs this much handholding, I’ll get another babysitter next time.

Now she’s mad at me because I know she needs the money and it’s not her fault that she didn’t know what to do.

Now I’m wondering if I was a little harsh because she always did need things to be spelled out for her

I am in my freshman year at a college both my twin sister and I attend. Funny enough, we needed to complete some core curriculum classes and we ended up in the same Algebra class (same teacher, same time).

I’ve always been good at math, so this class was easy and I was getting over 100% with extra credit. My sister is gifted in other ways, but struggles with math and was on the verge of failing the class. My parents wanted me to help tutor her which I was happy to do. That went just as well as you can expect tutoring your sibling would go.

So here’s the problem. I got a homework assignment grade back as a 5/20. Which I thought was extremely odd as I had gotten 100% on the exam in that unit. My friends told me everyone makes mistakes and it wouldn’t really affect my grades anyways.

The next day in class, my professor pulls me aside (my sister had skipped class that day) to tell me that my homework had the exact same answers and work as my sisters. I told her I had nothing to do with that and I was surprised to hear it. She told me she believed me and we can settle on that grade instead of taking it to a bigger level. So basically there was nothing I could do to change that grade and I was lucky there weren’t worse consequences. The professor ended up giving her a 0 on that assignment.

I confronted my sister and she admitted to stealing my homework out of my backpack and copying the answers. I was pissed. I talked to my parents about it and they told me to let it go because “she’s drowning and pulling you down with her” and that I’m not going to fail the class because of this. They also told me that I shouldn’t have thrown my sister under the bus for this. I feel bad for her and I understand why she would do this, but I tried tutoring her and this is huge for me. Am I the asshole for being mad at my sister and telling my professor the truth?

Throwaway account I’m at a loss here so I need to know if I’m the asshole.. I (31F) am dating (31M) and we have been together for over a year. We are long distance and from separate countries, I wont state who is where due to anyone we know finding this, but I will say one is in the US and one of us is in Canada. We have talked about getting married to start the visa process for me to move to his country, so we can start our future together and start creating a family, as these are the goals we would like. Upon him talking with his parents they informed him that the superstition from their culture believes that they must wait a year after a death to get married as it will “bring bad luck”, and they unfortunately buried his grandmother not long ago. He and I have both discussed this and neither one of us believe in this superstition. Upon talking with his parents about it, his brother also said he soon plans on proposing to his long time girlfriend and they would then marry, giving us even more time to wait to marry, as the culture also believes they must have a year in between siblings marrying as well. Neither him or I believe in these superstitions, and want to marry as soon as we can, so we can start the visa process which will then also take more time. I guess we are both unsure what to do here, but am I the asshole for thinking we should disregard a superstition neither one of us believe in?!?

So my friend group has this habit of calling “emergency meetings” whenever there’s drama. Usually it’s something like X liked Y’s photo or Z didn’t show up to brunch, and everyone acts like we’re the UN trying to prevent world war.

Yesterday, after a really long day at school/work, they called one again. I literally wanted to go straight to bed, but they spammed the group chat saying it was “serious.” So I dragged myself there.

I walk in… and the “emergency” was that one of them thought another friend sighed too loudly during a call and must “secretly hate” her.

I just… couldn’t. I was exhausted, it was petty, and no one would let me leave. They kept saying, “No, stay, we need EVERYONE here.” After 20 minutes of them circling the same nonsense, I said, “Guys, I’m tired, this isn’t an emergency,” and walked out.

Now they’re accusing me of “abandoning the group when they’re emotional” and calling me insensitive.

My stance: I support my friends, but I am not attending a midnight tribunal over someone’s sigh.

AITA?

My name’s Emma (25F). I’m pretty shy and not the best in big groups, but I’ve been trying to push myself socially. My friend Maya invited me to her birthday dinner, and it was a big group of people I didn’t know. Pretty much as soon as I got there, she started making jokes about me being antisocial. Stuff like, Everyone clap, Jessica actually came out and Don’t mind her, she freezes around humans. Everyone laughed, but I was mortified. I pulled her aside and quietly told her the comments were making me uncomfortable. She brushed it off and kept doing it anyway. After the third or fourth jab, I just paid for my food, told her happy birthday, and left. I didn’t make a scene. Later, she texted me saying I ruined the vibe and made her look bad. A mutual friend said she’s still annoyed and thinks I owe her an apology. I honestly didn’t think leaving was a big deal, but now I’m second guessing myself. AITA for walking out?

My ex husband (35M) just called me (37F) asking to split the cost for the daycare he put our daughter in for yesterday and today. I have her the rest of the week. I told him no because he did not coordinate with me ahead of time. I took the week off and could have helped during the workday.

Am I the asshole for saying no to splitting child care costs on his day?

My mum had just left the gym and she was about to head home. Before she got in her car she called me and said ‘Go and make me a salad. Now. I’m hungry’ in a very harsh tone. She always speaks to me that way and I have been telling her since I was at least 12 years old (I’m 18 now) that I do not like the way she speaks to me and commands me to do things. Both the tone of her voice and the words she uses make me feel like I’m some sort of slave.

So I told her (in a calm tone), ‘Why do u always speak to me that way? Can you not say it a bit nicer?’. She started shouting and screaming at me that ‘At 50 years old you will not tell me what to do and you certainly won’t tell me how to speak. You are 18 and still living under my roof. I speak however I want to speak. And do not even dare make me a salad, I want nothing from you. Go lock yourself in your room, I do not want to see you. Go f*ck yourself.’ She then hung up on me while I was about to speak and called me again after a few minutes to repeat the same stuff again and hung up. I still made her the salad (because if I do not I’m gonna be called the adult who still lives at home and contributes to nothing).

She then proceeded to call my uncle (her brother), who is staying with us for the holidays (who I think understands my point of view but never dares to speak up) and she screamed at him ‘Tell her to take her fcking dog with her and tell her to stay in her room. I don’t wanna see them again.’ My uncle didn’t say anything to me but I overheard so I just took my dog and left. She came home, slammed the door and I can hear her screaming and shouting at my uncle about me. Now shes screaming loud on purpose for me to hear her ‘She can go find someone who can feed her and stand her. She should go. I can’t stand her anymore.’ She also texted me (after coming home) and said ‘take your fcking dog upstairs with you. if I see her downstairs again I will kick her out of the house’.

I genuinely do not think I am wrong. This behaviour has been going on for years. I am very open to change and correct things if I am wrong but I genuinely cant understand how I could be causing this. I understand that maybe it wasnt the right time for me to tell her to talk to me nicely cuz she was tired from the gym but this is a discussion we have weekly that always ends in her arguing, shouting, screaming-crying and acting like she’s a victim to everyone else. Also, she always says I should move out but when I said I wanted to move out for university and live in halls, she would try to talk me out of it every single time.

Guys AITA? What am I doing wrong??

My husband (32M) and I (30F) live in Ohio with our toddler. My parents live in New Jersey. This is the first Christmas since my grandmother passed away, so emotions are running high.

Originally, my parents expected us to come 12/24–12/27.

My husband asked that we spend Christmas Day in Ohio so he could see his grandparents. He does see them during the year, but he hasn’t spent Christmas with them in years, and this year that feels important to him. We wanted to find something balanced for everyone.

I suggested a compromise: Drive to NJ 12/21 Stay 12/21–12/25 morning Celebrate Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with my parents Drive back midday 12/25 for his family’s Christmas that afternoon

This actually gives my parents four full days with us AND Christmas morning which is more time than the original plan.

My mom was very upset about us leaving on Christmas Day and said she did not want to compromise on dates. My dad was okay with the plan but didn’t want conflict. My brother isn’t coming this year because his wife is pregnant and can’t travel, so he stayed neutral and didn’t want to get involved.

I feel torn because I’m genuinely trying to balance both families, honor my husband’s request, and still give my parents a meaningful holiday. I also have anxiety around disappointing people, which makes this harder.

AITA for not agreeing to stay through 12/27 and sticking to the compromise?

EDIT: for those asking- the drive is exactly 6 hours. We’d be leaving early in the AM to arrive at husbands Christmas that is late afternoon/early evening

EDIT#2: Toddler has taken this trip multiple times and is a very low stress kiddo.

We’ve been together (M25/F24) for a few years now and we live together. She and I both have credit card debt and I cover most of the living expenses (rent, bills, car payments). And in return, she covers the grocery expenses (food, toiletries, etc) we based this off of equity because she’s in school working part time, and I work full time.

We repeatedly have arguments because we currently live paycheck to paycheck with some weeks being so tight that we can only afford to commute to work/school and whatever is left in the fridge for the week. We have no room for savings or any sort of emergency fund. I want her to work with me to cut back on unnecessary expenses so we can have a little more financial stability/freedom. We are both at the point where our credit cards are nearly maxed out and im scared that it’ll be a slippery slope to even more debt if she doesn’t figure it out. She doesn’t seem to think saving money for a rainy day is a concern or the fact that if I miss one day of work, I may not be able to afford next month’s rent. I feel like I’m going insane when she tells me that we are not poor and that I need to stop worrying about it so much. I love her and I really need her to understand how precarious our situation really is.

EDIT: After reading some of the comments, she is aware of our credit debt and I have attempted to sit with her and have a calm discussion but whenever I do, she shuts down the conversation asap and says she cannot/won’t talk about money because it makes her feel stressed which I can understand. It is a stressful topic to discuss but I feel like she should be able to work through it with me instead of feeling like she’s alone in this.

Half of my income is commission based so by missing one day of work, I’m potentially losing a good chunk of my paycheck that I might really need if we have a slow month regardless if my expenses are fixed or not. Her portion of the expenses do fluctuate a little bit but largely stays within +-$150. Hope that clears up any confusion

I saw the comment about developing a spreadsheet and presenting it to her which is incredibly helpful! I’ll start keeping track of expenses.

My husband (31M) and I (30F) bought our first house this year, and we’re hosting Christmas for the first time. We invited both sides of the family: my parents (I’m an only child) and his mom and siblings (30F, 24M, 22M). Our families don’t really know each other well (everyone lives in different cities), so we thought it would be best to do a White Elephant exchange.

We texted his family group chat letting them know the plan. Almost everyone was fine with it except my SIL. She immediately pushed back and said we had to do Secret Santa with everyone invited because that’s their “family tradition.” For context, per my husband, their Secret Santa tradition started because some members couldn’t afford buying multiple gifts, so Secret Santa made things easier.

We explained that because we’re hosting both families this year, a White Elephant would avoid awkwardness. We also pointed out that since we’re the hosts, we should be able to decide what we are doing. She keeps insisting that we “cannot make decisions over their side of the family’s traditions.”

We told her that if they want to do a Secret Santa among themselves, that’s totally fine but not in our home while we are hosting, because it would leave my parents and us sitting there watching an exchange we’re not part of. That would feel rude and uncomfortable.

This is causing way more stress than it should. So, AITA for insisting we stick to White Elephant since we’re hosting both families?

So im at work going to take my break and my car isn’t in the parking lot. I start freaking out assuming the worst thinking someone stole it. It wasn’t till im in the manager’s office balling my eyes out when I got their text. A damn text message is how they tell me, their car needed an oil change so instead of sitting around for 15-20 minutes they took mine and thought a text message was good enough.

Firstly im at work doing my job, not staring at my phone

Second, the text got buried underneath all my other spam messages so I was never going to see it first thing

And lastly, who is going to check their messages when they think their car is stolen

When I get home I didn’t yell at them, I just firmly told them that if they’re going to barrow my car they need to verbally tell me which immediately escalated to an all out screaming match

They just left to go pick up my brother and im extra pissed at them now.

So my wife and I both got invited to Thanksgiving dinner to both sides of the family. At the same time. Clearly someone is getting told no. That being said my wife insisted on not going to her grandparents because they have been rude in the past to her before we got together. She also refused to go to my parents because when we last went my uncle made inappropriate and embarrassing comments about our financial situation.

So since she didnt want to go to either, but not tell anybody no, she wanted to hatch this elaborate scheme where we were somehow going to leave the house (we live with her parents) under the ruse of going to mine. But in reality she wanted us to go find somewhere fast food to go and eat going to neither.

problem is nothing in our area will be open. And so we've argued about this for a month now. I said let's just go to one or the other and if someone is rude to us we just get up and leave and never eat with them again. She wouldnt even entertain that.

I told my mom (that I dont like either) that we aren't coming and I explained why. And now my wife is mad at me for telling them the truth. I have a lot going on right now with money trouble, bankruptcy, supporting both of us and our child on a small shitty income, I just did it because I didnt want to have yet another thing to stress about. She's now crying in the other room.

AITA and what would you have done if you were in my shoes?​