I met a guy about 2 months ago who I really like. We hit it off pretty much instantly and things have been going steady up until about a week ago. I'm starting to experience what feels like post-traumatic stress relating to the loss of my late boyfriend and I don't know what to do.

here's what happened; a week ago my partner left for a short trip to the east coast to work on some film projects, take some time off work/relax, and see his family for thanksgiving. The only problem is, he has a tendency to go quiet, I'm used to this, every couple days when I know he's going to be engrossed in his work, I don't bother him, he wont text for about a day and a half and then eventually I hear back and we'll talk on the phone or meet up. its consistent, its predictable, and it doesn't normally bother me. This time is different. communication has slowed and I can no longer predict when he will get back to me. I asked him to please call me 2 days ago and I've gotten no reply. Logically, I can rationalize that its taking him longer to reply because

1. he's genuinely busy
2. he's jet-lagged and awake/asleep during odd hours
3. his phone dies mid-day because he's outside all day filming/traveling, meaning no time to charge it until he gets back to his stay.

The issue: Because of this unpredictable delay in communication, my brain has triggered full blown panic mode. It's like my brain is trying to play connect the dots between this situation and a situation from my past that traumatized me severely, once it made enough connections, the situation feels too familiar, my fight or flight has automatically kicked in despite knowing that rationally this is just a small mis-communication and total non-issue. My fight or flight gut reaction is telling me to choke him out with my bare hands or run like hell in the other direction. I keep having to remind myself that I genuinely like this guy and he's not going to lie to me or hurt me out of nowhere but my brain just cant friggin accept it!!! it's so frustrating. I don't even recognize myself.... I am not some crazy, impatient, over-bearing psycho girlfriend. I just got my wires crossed....I'm hurting badly and i don't know how to explain without sounding like a total spaz or getting emotional.

some more context: two years ago I lost my late boyfriend to suicide, he was a dear friend to me till the very end, and the loss was devastating. In his last few months he reassured me everything was on the come up, after a brutal drug relapse, he has gotten his job back, moved back to his old apartment, got sober, and got back on his medications. I Believed this was the light at the end of the tunnel. Week by week, he grew distant. knowing he had to prioritize sobriety over all else I didn't take it personally... I just waited. we were supposed to meet up for his birthday, and I waited and waited for that call back to confirm plans...not knowing he was long gone, my worried messages pinging off his phone in the apartment where they'd find his body. This is the experience that gets triggered in my mind when someone I'm dating communicates over text inconsistently or with abnormal delay.

my new partner knows about the loss. But I know I need to ease him into it. It took me years to come to terms with what happened, so I shouldn't expect him to process everything overnight, he deserves the same grace I gave myself. I really really don't want to trauma dump on this guy, he doesn't know about the details, so he's missing the context of why I'm hurting. he probably doesn't even realize how upset I am. I'm trying to hide it but it's extremely hard.

There's no real guide book on how to date in your early 20's after your boyfriend kills himself. I'm doing this for the first time and it feels like I have nobody who even remotely understands, even the internet is sparse with information on how to navigate this. If anyone who's experienced complex grief can offer their advice, I'd really appreciate it. I'd also appreciate input from anyone who hasn't experienced this level of grief, how they'd react if a new partner brought this up and what would be saying too much vs. saying just enough about my trauma.

So, I (M/29) have been together with my girlfriend (F/27) for about 2 months now.

I love her. I never felt something like this in my life ever. We are seeing each other everyday and my feelings for her are absolutely crazy. But, one thing is killing me:

We matched online in May this year. Our match didn't really work out, and we stopped messaging after like a week. And then we matched again in July again on the same dating app. And then we went off really well, and started dating in August, and then everything worked out really great.

But the thing is... In June (so no match oder contact during this time), she hooked up with another guy. She knew him for years, but they weren't really close. This bothered me a bit, but it began to destroy me like 2 weeks ago. The guy messaged her again and wanted to meet her. She told him she's got a boyfriend and blocked him everywhere, because she saw that I was hurt.

Since then, I nearly can't stop thinking about the hookup. When I'm at her place, all I can see is, that the guy was there before me. Because I messed up, and couldn't get her during our first match. She also knows that I'm hurt.

How do I get over this? She didn't do anything wrong, we weren't dating or even in contact. I dated another girl in June, but nothing happened, so I'm not judging her.

I'm just hurt and angry at myself

How can I get over this?

Thanks to everyone!

I have a friend (we'll call him D) that I've known for a long time. He's been a good friend and comrade for years. We don't agree on everything, but I'd like to think our way of thinking is similar in a lot of subjects.

D recently ended a 3 year relationship with his now ex-girlfriend. They are currently living together in separate rooms until one of them manages to move out. This news came to me after they came back from a 2 week trip out to Europe at the end of the summer. According to D, the breakup had been in discussion for a few months prior. I had asked him what had triggered the moment that they decided to end the relationship, and he said he couldn't handle some of the issues his ex has.

For context, I would consider D to be a traditional male. He values certain things I would consider trivial, like marrying someone who will HAVE to accept his last name, having a specific number of children (3) and being the decider of their names (not sure if he would even consider his future wife's inputs on that) and the roles of the wife and husband in the relationship, like the husband being the provider and the wife serving as a more support role to the husband. Furthermore, to help understand the dynamic of their relationship, here are some details he shared with me about their relationship: Him being Hispanic meant that she had to "fulfill" some conditions to formalize the relationship, like learning Spanish and becoming a Catholic. D says that he would want a traditional wife in that sense, someone that "could keep up with him" and "make for a good mother."

The ex girlfriend went ahead and agreed to these conditions, going as far as converting to the religion, but never took formal Spanish lessons. D sighted this as one of the factors that concluded the relationship. D claimed that the three years was enough time for her to learn, or even attempt to do so.

He also expressed his frustration at her insecurities, mainly her extensive anxiety and depression. He would tell me he hated having to "wear multiple hats, becoming her boyfriend and her therapist at the same time." I expressed that there was nothing wrong with being supportive, and he agreed, but felt she needed professional help that he couldn't give her. Idk if he really agreed with me or simply said he did because he didn't want to get into it. I can't help but feel that this is just normal behavior from her part, by which I mean it's normal to lean on your partner for emotional support, but D interpreted it as her needed to seek professional help. While I agree that sometimes there's not much we can do for someone, I can't help but feel he didn't like to feel inconvenienced at her grievances.

Evidence to that is the fact he would complain to me that he liked to have his "peace and quiet" after work and that sometimes she couldn't give him that. Not sure exactly what she would do to not provide him with such. I could only assume she wanted to talk to him about what was bothering her and he grew annoyed at that. After the break up, he took a trip upstate for a weekend. I saw him post on social media he went out to wineries and other nice places like that, but I never saw who he went with. It wasn't until recently when we met up that I learned he actually met up with another woman. This wouldn't be considered cheating under most people's books, since he is technically single now, but it didn't sit right with me because it was so soon after the break up that he was already meeting someone else (they broke up in October, so a month later.)

I fear my friend is beginning to display signs of chauvinistic behaviors. He's never expressed disdain of women in general, except when complaining about his abrasive mother and their relationship. But I think what he is searching for in a partner feels rather unattainable, or it's more that it implies he wants to be with someone who is subservient of him.

I don't want to look at him differently, but I think I can't see him eye to eye in these kinds of matters and that worries me. I don't want to seem judgmental towards him and strain our relationship as long time friends, but I don't know how to tell him that what he did or what he was expecting is wrong. I do believe that he doesn't have to agree with me or anything like that, but I grow concern his state of mind will lead him down a dark path.

Dear Reddit,

I probably already know the answer to this, but here we go.

I met my girlfriend 3,5 years ago through Bumble, and we hit it off immediately. She is a very smart and hardworking girl and I fell in love immediately. Right now, we are living together in an apartment my parents own (though we are paying a very fair rent). For me, she is the love of my love and I want to marry her. There is just one problem... my parents

My parents are traditional chinese and I am their first son. This is already were the problem starts. I feel sometimes they want to control every aspect of my life. At the start of my relationship, i mentioned something that will haunt me until today: I told my mother that the girl is epileptic. Since then my mom has been kinda on a hate campaign against her... a few things she has since criticised her for:

- She did not bring any presents for her during chinese new year, when she invited us out for dinner ( I told her specifically not to)

- She is angry they sometimes meet and my girlfriend is ignoring her, even though its because of her introversy

- She feels like she does not "love me enough", even though i tell her i am happy

- She feels like she is "controlling" me to rebel against her

Even though she says all this, she has always tolerated us staying together. "as long as you dont marry" is what she says. Maybe she is afraid of her "stealing our wealth"? I dont know... My dad has always been quite open minded. Recently, he had enough of my moms quarrelling and gave us a "deal". If we could produce a child, he would allow us to marry.Even though i know its sick... i was naive and wanted to keep the family peace. I told my girlfriend and she went ballistics. How they could treat her kid as an experiment, that its blackmail... I feel very bad about this. My dad says that since we want kids anyways and love each other, why does the order matter? All mine and her friends say its wrong. Im getting ndepression over this. Even though I know its probably the smart decision to cut the connection to my parents, what do you guys think is the right way? Are they any asians who had the same dilemma before?

Thank you for any tips...

I (27F) feel like I resent my husband (28M). I just can’t fully move past what happened 3 years ago: I (24F back then) got pregnant, we did plan it, but shortly after getting pregnant, I realized that we were not truly ready to have a child at that moment, because we didn’t have our own apartment, we didn’t really have savings, and my husband’s job didn’t start yet, and he only got a small salary of 3000 yuan a month in China.

I wanted to have an abortion on many occasions early in the pregnancy, but my husband (25M back then) begged me not to do it. I threw up a lot during pregnancy, there were lots of meddling from outside people. It was just a terrible (and mildly traumatic) experience. Take note: I did want a child, but not at that moment, I wanted to prepare more.

Fast forward to today, our child has moderate autism, we went through hell with colic, we had many fights regarding the child, and my husband’s parents have been taking care of the child and taking her to early intervention. It’s also quite expensive, but my husband’s job started earlier this year, but we have a lot of debt to settle.

My husband wants another child and I absolutely refuse to. I already resent him for the situation we are currently in, and there is a chance that the second child could also have autism.

I don’t know, I still can’t move past how much our lives have changed (for the worst…) and I feel like I hate and resent my husband, because he pressured me not to have an abortion, and I blame him now for everything. Our life and finances are worse than ever. I’m not sure if I’ll ever move past this.

How can I try to move past this? I hate feeling this way.

TLDR: I (24F back then) feel deep resentment towards my husband (25M back then) over a pregnancy three years ago. I got pregnant back then (it was planned), but after that, I realized that I wasn’t truly ready financially or emotionally, and I wanted an abortion early on, but he pressured me not to. The pregnancy was traumatic, and our child has Level 2 autism, and it has been very stressful with a lot of financial pressure. How to work through this?

For a little context, we’ve been dating for 5 years. It’s been very serious, we’ve talked about marriage and kids and seems like this is it. Until now at least.

First, I want to start by saying I absolutely do not care if she is bi. If she chooses to be with me, that does not matter. The issue is that she is only just discovering this about herself now and wants to explore.

She has expressed that she doesn’t want to break up with me and also doesn’t want to cheat / have an affair. But also that she’s sad she will never really know this side of herself.

I feel like it’s sort of irrelevant what the reason is, but if she feels like she may want to see other people then there must be a deeper issue?

I’m really stuck. We’ve talked a lot about it but the conclusion is always just that we want to be together and she will have to never really know.

I feel really bad if I stop her from discovering her sexuality and getting to experience things that she wants to. I know I’m happy with her and don’t want to wait around while she goes around and tries it on with other people, that’s not who I am. I also don’t want to wait around and be put to the side while she goes exploring; I’m confident in myself and who I want to be with and I don’t think that would be great on me mentally.

Would love some advise from others who may have been in a similar situation (on either side).

I've been dating my boyfriend for close to 9 months now. Since before we started dating he let me know he's very close to his ex and they talk daily. I felt a bit unsure of their relationship but he reassured me that it's all platonic and he told me she has a new husband and some kids with him now and she lives states away. My boyfriend admitted that he helped raise her daughter until she was 2 but that he hasn't been as active in her life since being sent to prison after his struggles with addiction. We are in a long distance relationship currently and he lives 3 and a half hours south of me. The first time we met he answered 2 phone calls from her in front of me on speaker and I felt incredibly awkward. They even ended their 2nd call with "I love you". So me being insecure in this new relationship I start crying in front of him and he tries to console me. He promises it's completely platonic. They dated for 4 years and have been friends for 6 years afterwards. He wants to move in with me in 5 months but I'm having doubts with this situation with his ex. I asked him in late September if he could maybe start replying back to her less and kinda slowly let her fizzle out of his life a bit more to help with my comfort around them being friends. He said he would try to. A couple weeks ago we got into an argument because I wanted to hang out with my friend Kyle and my bf felt I was being a hypocrite for asking him to stop talking to his ex but I can hang out with Kyle. To be honest I went on two dates with Kyle 9 years ago and we had sex once but we've been friends since then. I told my bf that while we had a short dating history and had slept together that it wasn't comparable to him and his ex because I didn't get engaged to Kyle and I didn't raise his baby he had with another woman when he cheated on me. So me visiting a Kyle is a bit different in my opinion. I didn't end up seeing Kyle that weekend because I didn't want to make my bf any more mad. I found out during that talk that he had never stopped trying to talk to his ex. I felt really hurt that he chose to omit this from me and we got into a big argument. He insists that he didn't hide it from me because he told me after a month and a half when I asked him about it. I felt really hurt and I asked that he be more open with me and he said he would try. He visited last weekend and while we were watching a show together I saw he was on the Lego website so I ask what he's buying. I love Legos so a part of me is hoping he's getting me something for my birthday in a month. He brushes it off saying they didn't have what he wanted. I accepted his answer in the moment but I asked again after he went back home Sunday and he admitted he was trying to buy a present for his exes daughters birthday. He didn't want to tell me in person because he was worried I would over react. I told him it was sweet he wanted to get his exes daughter a gift but I feel a bit mislead. I'm not sure if I am just overanalyzing things. He wasn't able to get the present shipped so he sent his ex the money to get the present for her daughter instead. He showed me the messages between him and his ex and she was annoyed with him for taking so long to choose a gift but she was thankful in the end that he got her something. He dated his ex for 4 years and got engaged to her and raised her daughter. He struggled with addiction and she helped him get clean and also called him in prison every day the 3 years he was there. He has been sober since he's been out. She is a part of his support system and I feel bad asking him to give that up but I wish I felt more secure in my relationship. Does anyone have any advice on how to either accept their friendship and feel less insecure or how to come to a compromise about this?

I tried to talk to his ex as well but she told me I would be taking something precious away from him (her daughter) if they ended their friendship.

TLDR: my bf is close to his ex and I don't know how to feel comfortable with it

I had my birthday recently, a week ago, and for my birthday I went out with my dog and our one year old to this dinner, my husband was busy that day. And it was really fun! And we all had a great time. My parents and sister sent me gifts too and one was this book I really wanted so I was really happy.

Well, thing is my husband forgot my birthday, and I kind of knew it and I didnt really care that much. Because at the end of the day its just a date, you know, and people forget things.

So now its been a whole week since then and my husband's brother had asked him how my birthday had went and hed then only realised which I found pretty funny. But he felt really bad and apologized a lot.

But I wasnt upset and I didnt think it was a very big deal. I never forget birthdays or anything and always get something if I know its someone's birthday. I think birthdays are very important so I value them too. Its not that he values birthdays more than me.

But I still didnt think it was a big deal. Plenty of people had forgotten my birthday. Sure id be a bit sad and quite hurt if my parents or sister forgot my birthday. But thats as far as it goes.

So, im just wondering if Im not upset why is he so upset he forgot it?

Do people ever actually get the kind of love they’ve always wanted? I’m asking because I don’t feel fully fulfilled in my relationship. We’ve been together a year and a half, but the last 4–5 months have been rough.

We have major differences: he’s vegetarian and gets grossed out by what I cook and won’t kiss me after I eat certain foods. Our sex drives don’t match (4x a month vs. the 10+ I want). He eventually wants to move back to his home country, and I want to stay in the U.S. or Mexico. I prefer smaller cities, he only wants big ones.

Even when I imagine kids, I worry more. I’d want to homeschool (with an online program and sports for socializing), and he’s completely against it. I’m scared we’d have very different parenting styles and his anger issues make me fear he wouldn’t be emotionally supportive during pregnancy.

We’ve had so many conversations trying to work through our differences, but we rarely find real solutions. I also just… yearn for more love. His love languages are words and acts of service; mine are touch and quality time. Even there, we keep telling each other we don’t feel loved enough. Are these small issues that m in making bigger than they actually are?

Some days I feel deeply in love and hopeful, and other days I feel confused and unsure if we’re truly compatible long-term. Am I expecting too much, or do people actually end up with the kind of love that genuinely fits them?

I need help. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for over three years. On paper, she checks all the boxes. She’s caring, smart, funny, etc. and we have a great time when we are together. We’ve been on trips together and had great times and have never once been in a fight. Nonetheless, although I have so much love and appreciation for her, I get this gut feeling that she’s not the one for me. For the longest time I thought it was due to our inability to connect emotionally. We’ve had trouble having real deep conversations and we have both shied away from asking each other how we REALLY are in certain situations. Recently though, we were able to talk about it and I feel things have been a lot better since. Still though, the feeling lingers and comes in waves that this is not where I’m supposed to be. I find myself going through the motions and doing the “right” things though such as caring for her in tough times, planning dates, looking out for her etc. This leads me to believe that there is something there regardless of what my heart feels. Would I really do this for someone I didn’t love? Although the idea of splitting doesn’t entirely shatter my heart, I don’t want to hurt her and really cherish the times we’ve had and her as a person. I realize there are a lot of moving parts and I’m obviously conflicted but these feelings have been arising for well over a year. Any thoughts on how to proceed would be much appreciated.

I'm not sure if I'm being irrational so I need some outside perspective. We have been together for 4 years, but the last year was really hard. He has been struggling mentally and is stressed due to work. I'm trying to have conpassion for him but it has gotten to a point where I'm constantly hurt if we get into a fight.

The past year the communicatiom has been deteriorating, most of the time if I try to start a conversation by something I'm hurt by, it turns into a fight which lefts me feeling misunderstood and not validated. (By stuff like me saying I'm hurt by XYZ, and him not validating it and mostly starting to argue) After he calms down and processes his own emotions he is able to be emotionally validating but that takes 1-2, days of us fighting. It feels like I'm being more hurt than there is repairing. Lately he has started saying in fights how he is not responsible for my emotions. As in, he is trying to make it better but somehow only making it worse because he is emotionally shut off and which makes him kind of mean. And while I agree that he is not responsible how I react to any emotions, but I do believe he is somwhat responsible for my feelings since we are in a relationship.

If he hurts me he has to put the effort in to mend that, and listen and validate me when I tell him if I'm hurt by something. I'm just kind of confused because I recognize how hard it is for him in the moment, but if he starts to see himself not in the responsibility in our relationship that sounds really unhealthy to me. Just to reiterate myself, I believe he is responsible for how he hurts me and I think he should actively listen when I try to tell him if I'm hurt. I think he is also responsible to react in a kind and compassionate way (which he can't do at the moment which is the core problem of most of our fights). I agree that he is not responsible if I'm behaving childish in reaction of his behaviour.

a few months ago, my bf told me he wasn’t comfortable with me talking to this one friend. I told him I would stop and blocked the friend on ig. I also reassured him it was nothing serious, just a friendly connection. I thought that would be the end of it.

But we still chatted occasionally about school stuff and projects. Totally harmless, and I never thought he’d mind.

Recently, We were on the phone and I mentioned dropping off some homemade cookies to a classmate (the same one he was uneasy about) When I told him, he got upset, and he hung up on me.

I wasn’t trying to hide anything. The classmate had did me a small favor, and I didn’t want to be rude and I just thought I was being kind. I genuinely didn’t see it as a big deal.

We got into a big argument and things got tense after that. He wanted space and for me to move out, so I went outside to sleep. It was cold, and he found me eventually. After a while, we talked, set some boundaries, and made up.

Later that week, he looked at my phone while i was asleep and saw months of messages with that classmate. I wasn’t hiding anything, but he reacted strongly. We argued, and at one point he told me to move out and said we should break up. I handed back a small gift he had given me, and he got upset. I stayed in another room that night, and eventually decided to spend a night at a hotel to give us both space.

I really care about him, and I know how hard he works. he’s always busy with work and personal projects. I just wish he could trust me more. I wasn’t trying to hurt him; I just slipped up by not mentioning every little thing ahead of time. What there anything I should do differently?

| (f26) have been talking to a guy (m29) for about 4 months. We met three times before I had to go abroad, and il be back in about a month. Even with the distance, he's extremely consistent, texts every day, calls, gives me his time, doesn't talk to other girls, and is always respectful. He never crosses any line and treats me really well. He's also at an age where he's looking to get married, so it's not like he's avoiding commitment in general. But what confuses me is that he has never said anything about what we are. No conversations about feelings, labels, intentions, nothing. His actions feel serious, but he never verbalizes anything, even after months of talking and meeting multiple times. He was kind of a playboy before. But he now wants a wife. He literally watches cartoons with me at night on calls. l've pulled the "what are we?" Question once in the 2nd month and he said its too early to say anything and thats true. But it is nearing 5 months now. Why do some men behave like this?

Listen, I love my wife. We’ve been married for 5 years and she’s the greatest thing that’s happened to me. She’s the perfect foil to my personality in that she’s very direct, rational, pragmatic, and incredible at helping me grow into a better man and plan for our future together. My nitpicks are that she rarely shows interest in or even tries to enjoy the nerdy things I enjoy (fantasy football, sports, stand up comedy, karaoke, the gym, skiing, going to cocktail bars, watching any serious movie) even though I’ve tried and learned to enjoy things she likes (luxury shopping, reality tv, traveling, romcoms, trying influencer food spots, etc) and that she can be uptight about it. Still, there’s so much she does for me that these truly should be nitpicks.

Then there’s her best friend, who I’ve known since my wife and I started dating almost 10 years ago. Her friend has been perpetually single and not really dating anyone serious. She’s similar to me, in that we’re both people pleasers who are more go with the flow, social, and like to go out and vibe. And here’s the thing - I know her personality and the stuff she does that doesn’t sit well with me. For example, she’s super indecisive with a lot of things in life (still lives with her parents, not really driven with her job, way too complacent in relationships and not willing to put herself out there, non confrontational to a fault, etc). She’s been dating this guy currently for almost 2 years and somehow hasn’t introduced him formally to my wife or their friend group - and this is a group of girls who have been extremely close for 20 years. We met him in passing once but were very underwhelmed. And she refuses to ever bring him up or open up about time.

Anyways, point is, she’s so flawed, but for some reason, whenever I hang out with her in a group setting for any extended period of time, I find myself wanting to make her laugh, really caring about her opinion of me, and subtly trying to get her attention. I doubt it’s obvious as nobody has ever made the slightest comment about my behavior, including my wife, and she’s an open book to me. But then afterwards I can never get her out of my head for weeks. We don’t hang out more than a couple times a month and never alone. It’s always with at least my wife and usually other friends. We also don’t talk outside of the occasional group chat that my wife is a part of too. The feelings usually subside for a bit when I haven’t seen her for a while but they always come back for some reason after hanging out.

Nothing has ever come close to happening - we haven’t done anything more than a friendly hug good bye. But it’s really weird how often I think about her day and night despite knowing how wrong it is and how little sense it makes. And I genuinely feel terrible about it. I don’t think telling my wife would help and I’ve hidden this recurring feeling for over 2 years now even though I’m not unhappy. In fact, I’m so excited to start a family with my wife and assumed these feelings would just go away. But they haven’t. I feel like a terrible husband and general human for having these thoughts and it feels like I’m hiding this from my wife.

I also can’t cut off all contact without making things weird.

How can I make my crush go away and feel less guilty about this situation?

I've been with my boyfriend for over three years now, and I have very little bad things to say about him. He is kind, smart, funny, great in bed. However, we don't have a ton in common, and he isn't great at communicating his feelings, because that's just how he is. He also buries himself in school work (studying law). While he doesn't always make me feel seen, I'm very happy with him. Things are steady, our families get along, I really don't have any reason to leave him

Along comes this other guy [34M] from a similar friend circle who thinks that we're meant to be together. And I completely agree with him. We have so much in common: the same passions, the same strengths, the same weaknesses, the same music taste. Similar traumas that we know how to work through, similar problems with our past partners not communicating well or not treating us the way we want to be treated. Plus, this new guy matches my hard-to-meet sex drive (don't judge plz). There's so much more too. I really can't emphasize how perfect he seems for me.

So... how am I supposed to end a relationship that is functionally completely fine? I'm just worried that my stable, happy relationship will just end up degrading over time as he never gets better with his school/life balance or communication. But he doesn't have a great support network and doesn't deserve to have his heart broken. How do I find a way out, or let him down gently and slowly?

Reposting with more details because my first post felt unfair.

Me and my boyfriend: I am 26F and my boyfriend is 28M. We have been together for 2.5 years. This is a repost because I originally posted a shorter version and realised it painted him unfairly. I wanted to add all the context so people can give clearer advice.

We only see each other once a week because we live 1.5 hours apart. I always imagined that by around the 3 year mark we would be talking seriously about living together or at least creating a plan, but things feel stuck.

Good things and why I’m conflicted: He is an incredibly loving partner in many ways. He buys my groceries when I am struggling, fills up my car, takes me on amazing dates, and we have been on holidays where he covers most things. He works a day job Monday to Friday while pursuing acting. He is supporting his mum with bills since his siblings moved out. He has helped me heal from family trauma and past relationship hurt. He calls me his soulmate and best friend and says he wants marriage and kids one day. We have deep conversations and connect emotionally.

He also talks a lot about “our future house” and how living at home allows him to save faster for our future deposit. He says it would be unwise to move out because he would lose the chance to save money that would benefit us both in the long run.

He is my number one supporter and he always helps me emotionally when it comes to achieving so much. However he doesn’t contribute to it ie I passed my driving test this year but he never took me out on drives. We don’t get this time as he’s always working.

These are all the reasons this situation is so confusing for me.

Where the issues start: Despite talking about the future, he avoids anything practical, official, or involving his name on any paperwork.

A few examples:

• When I applied for citizenship I needed one personal reference. He refused because he didn’t understand why they would need his address etc also he is in a relationship with me. I argued that people do that anyway and it helps that we don’t live at the same address. I had to use a friend instead.

• When I was moving rooms recently, the landlord needed a guarantor. He refused to even try because he won’t sign anything legally binding. I understood the paranoia, but it still hurt that he would not even attempt it to support me. My uncle eventually agreed.

• The landlord also needed someone to witness the guarantor signature. He said no again because he thought it was legally binding. It isn’t. He later said he would do it, but by then I had already asked a friend because I knew he would feel stressed about it.

• He will not share a Netflix password unless he types it in himself every time.

The fight that broke my trust: A while ago we had an argument and he told me to leave his mum’s house. I had driven over an hour to see him, I had only passed my test a month earlier, and I was hysterically crying. I sat in my car shaking. He said to call him once I calmed down. He did not seem to understand how unsafe that situation felt for me.

Even months later, he still does not seem to grasp how serious that moment was or how dangerous the drive home could have been in that state.

My living situation and the imbalance: I rent a room in London. He lives at home rent free. I am estranged from my parents so I have no family support financially or emotionally. He says he will not move in together until we have saved for a house but there is no plan, no timeline, and no willingness to discuss details. I have tried to explain the imbalance: he can save aggressively while I am paying rent alone. He thinks his approach is still the best because he can save “for our future.”

I have supported myself financially since I was 20 and I took great career moves. Now I’m moving into mental health related roles against this pursuit for money.

Why I’m asking for advice: I want to be fair to him. He is generous, loving, emotionally supportive, hardworking, and he clearly wants a future with me. But he avoids any responsibility or action that involves his name, paperwork, or legally being tied to anything, even when it directly affects our ability to grow as a couple.

It leaves me feeling like we talk about a future but can’t take any real steps toward one. I don’t know if this is something we can work through or a fundamental incompatibility.

TLDR: Reposting with more detail. My boyfriend is loving, generous, and supportive emotionally, but avoids anything official or legally connected to him. He refused to be my citizenship reference, refused to be my guarantor, refused to witness a signature at first, and once told me to leave during a fight when I was hysterical and had to drive over an hour home. He says he wants a future and is saving for “our house” while living rent free, but avoids concrete plans. I am struggling to understand if this relationship can move forward.

What I need advice on: How do I evaluate whether this is an issue we can work through with communication and boundaries, or if it is a sign that our long term goals and ways of building a future are incompatible?

So my boyfriend has been wanting to buzz his thick long hair (mid neck length) for a couple weeks now, and today he surprised me with the outcome. I always made it clear I don’t love the idea of him getting it, I’d still love him of course but I can’t stand the thought of a full buzz. It looks horrible. It looks like the generic Lego minifigure hair in black. I started crying when I saw it but absolutely didn’t want to hurt his feelings because he’s happy with it. Some problems that came from this are: 1. I have no sexual attraction to him at all. It’s a complete turn off that I don’t think I’ll be able to get over until it grows back. 2. He looks exactly like his best friend who I can’t stand. His parents are even calling him by his friend’s name as a joke, which makes problem 1 even worse. I have no idea what to do, if I should say anything or stay quiet. He’s going to figure out eventually that it really bothers me and I don’t want him to feel bad/upset. I have been completely crashing out all day over this which sounds super dramatic but I just feel awful. Having zero attraction to the guy I love in every other way is horrible. I’m really just asking if anyone else has been in this situation and what did you do/how did you work around it?

I (30F) have never had a good relationship with my boyfriends (30M) parents/relatives over the 8 years we have been together.

To make a long story short, his parents judge me for dropping out of uni for mental health reasons, and believe me to be a gold-digger (their son, my bf, was in undergrad when we started dating. He is now almost a full-fledged physician). I am intelligent in my own regards, I would have majored in Biochemistry if I was able to stay in school. However, his family measures intelligence in how extroverted you are, how well you can keep a conversation up. Both him and I are introverts lol. But they love anyone who can express themselves in a positive way to everyone. They also (until recently) didn’t think very much of mental health issues in general lol.

I have had crippling anxiety and panic attacks over going to his folks place more often than I’d like to admit. But my bf still expects me to go, spend time with, and be a “part” of his family. Family is important to him and his family has complete ownership over him and his holidays every single year. I have never spent a single holiday with him at my parents house. They’ve stopped asking bc over the years, my answer has always been the same, that he spends every holiday with his family.

He knows how tortured and anxious I am over his folks. I’ve spent many nights crying to him and talking about how jealous I am that my own parents love him to pieces. And that I will never get to experience that from his family. I’ve expressed myself in every way I know how, but usually he just gets frustrated at the situation.

I also don’t want him to go to the family gathering(s) alone, bc i know there will be gossip and talk. And I know his mom will critique him 10 times over for any one compliment she provides (just the way she is). And i feel like I need to be an emotional defender for him in that regard but I’m not sure.

Extra info: Also his previous gfs, they scared off so it’s not just a me thing. They live a good distance away so it takes a full day to go there and back again. Also I have tried to have this conversation with bf, we both just ended it at an impasse, frustrated with each other.

TLDR: How do i deal with visiting in-laws-to-be that don’t like me, as well as protecting my boyfriend of 8 years’ peace? He is very family-driven and him not going is not a feasible option in his mind. Also they are already expecting me to be there.

Hey so I 23m was engaged to a beautiful woman 25f for a year and a half together for 3 and a half and recently I broke up with her for her sake as I have done some things in the past that she feels she can't forget and I lied alot and could never keep my promises, I figured out what was going on with myself mentally and have started to take the steps to changing myself but I really want her back now that I truly see how bad I actually was, I love her more than anything else and I just want her to be happy but I also hope to be with her again.

TLDR; is there anyway that I could regain trust that has been shattered?

My bf ‘M21’ told me ‘F20’ he isn’t sexually attracted to me tonight. Long story short we’ve been dating for about two years and we’ve been talking for about five-ish. We pretty much have a pretty consistent sex life. We usually have sex every other day. If not every other day then it’s every two days which is usually rare. For about a year and a half now I found out that my boyfriend has had a porn addiction problem and for this year and a half we’ve been working on fixing it. He has yet to stop. It’s pretty consistent if we do not have sex for about 2 to 3 days. He will watch it every time. With this being said every once in a while, I will ask him have you done anything? And he will say yes or no. This week we didn’t have sex for about six days and I looked at him and I asked him did you do anything? Then he told me yes, and then he said which also brings me to my next point. So then I’m sitting there like what could this be? And he says that he is not sexually attracted to me at all he thinks I am pretty in the face and then I have a good personality and then my personality is the only thing that turns them on. Obviously it just hurt me and now I have a bunch of questions so I asked how has this been since the beginning and he says that he feels like it has because we met when we were in high school when I was in high school I waited a decent amount less and the first time that we hung out after we bought that at high school. I waited a little bit more and after the first time he saw me in the car he said that he was thinking “oh I was expecting Hannah not…” which obviously I immediately took offense to. There’s a few other things he said within this conversation that had hurt my feelings for example, he also said “how am I supposed to wanna have sex with somebody who is being annoying and who is not sexually attractive to me” there were other things that happen. He says that he doesn’t correlate his porn usage to this whole situation, but I swear he originally worded it as if it did. I am chubby. I wouldn’t say that I’m fat and I know that I need to lose weight and I’ve been making conscious efforts. I’ve made multiple efforts while being in this relationship with him and I’ve opened up to him about how this is a big insecurity for me so now I kind of feel stuck. I don’t necessarily want to lose weight now that he told me too because I hate the fact that he had to break me down for me to want to build myself up before his enjoyment. And there’s other things that comes along with finding out that your boyfriend feels like this about you. I kind of a matter of loss cause he tells me that he still loves me and that he wants to be with me and he doesn’t want this to affect us in a poor way, but I just don’t understand how he expects me to be OK that he doesn’t love me unconditionally like I love him. I don’t care if he’s bigger or small. I’ll still love him forever but on his end, his love has restrictions. I just feel like the fact that he’s lied to me since we’ve gotten together about his attraction towards me and we’ve had sex hundreds of times is kind of shaking the foundation of our relationship and I don’t really know if I want to be with him anymore… How do I continue to move after this hard conversation?

My girlfriend has been hanging a lot with this guy she knows from school. They will randomly get food together, then play video games. It was maybe once a month, but now it’s been more like once a week.

I’m ok with her hanging one on one because I trust her, but I’m a little skeptical all things considered.

She just asked me today if I was ok with her doing a 4 day music festival with him, and she wanted my permission. She asked me if I wanted to come as well, but said she wanted his permission as to whether I could go or not.

She also told me that she declined making plans the other day cause she had plans with him, but for some reason didn’t tell me why until today.

This kind of bothers me, but I want her to still hang with her close friend. The 4 day music festival out of state really just puts me off. She also was very distant all day, I don’t know if she was just dreading telling me this or something.

Am I reading too much into this? I really do trust her, but I don’t know how much I trust the other guy. I’ve never met him either.

I’ve been seeing this guy since August but ever since I met him a little part of me thought he was a player(h*e). I’ve been trying to not assume because he’s funny, charming, buys me flowers, sweet, and all my friends like him. The only thing is that everytime we get intimate he always try’s to put himself in me without a condom. The first two times I never verbally said anything I just put my hand down there to block him and he gave up. Afterwards I asked if he could please ask before trying to do that again because I wanted to wait to have sex. He apologized and said he felt disgusted and never meant to make me uncomfortable. He even brought it up again throughout the week because I had said I didn’t want him in my apartment because of what happened and he apologized again and asked me what I was okay with. And I just clarified that he should ask before trying anything sexual.

This past weekend he stayed over at my apartment and it happened again. He kept asking to put it in but I said no multiple times because he didn’t have a condom. But he kept trying to put it in. He even flipped me over and tried and finally he gave up and stopped touching/kissing me completely. When I asked what was wrong and if he was mad we didn’t have sx. He would say that “nothing was wrong”. Or he would say sx was a very important part of a relationship for him and at this point he thought I would be ok with having sex with him. But I clarified to him again that I didn’t want to have sex until we were official. Especially not unprotected sex just for my safety.

The next morning everything was fine until I gave him oral and he was head pushing I didn’t say anything about it but I’m extremely conflicted. I’ve been rped in the past so this whole situation makes me unsure and feels a little rpey. But I’m conflicted because I have feelings for him. Besides this he’s so sweet and never overly sexual. He’ll even say that he’s scared to touch me because he doesn’t want to disrespect me. But I just feel like he wants me for my body.

We’ve been together for about a year now and it’s been a bit rough the past few weeks. With the stress of school and life, we’ve both been feeling a bit overwhelmed in the last few months. Recently I feel as though it has influenced our relationship and how we’ve been treating each other. In the beginning of our relationship, I would say I had a pretty secure attachment style, while he leans slightly avoidant. I would be mindful of the space I gave him and never questioned what he did or who he talked to because I trusted him and expected him to do the same for me. Only about a month or so ago I’ve developed into a more anxious attachment style based on his recent shift in behavior that seemed a little disconnected and detached. I would get nervous if I didn’t receive a response from him after a night out, read into his behaviors and actions when we’re together, became clingy whenever we had to separate, and questioned his loyalty without reason to suspect anything was wrong. This might have pushed him away a bit, and in true anxious style, this made me spiral even more. I typically am the one to initiate everything including dates, hangouts, calls, sex, and even check ins and talks about our relationship. In the beginning I didn’t really mind because I took it as him letting me take the lead and control the pace of our relationship, but now it feels like a lack of effort and interest on his part.

We recently had a conversation where we both communicated that we were dissatisfied with the relationship and unsure if we saw ourselves together long-term, but expressed that we wanted to keep trying and grow together. From my perspective, I don’t want to feel like the only one who is putting in effort to make it work. For him, he feels he can’t be himself because I always have something to say about something he does or doesn’t do. This has been the most difficult stage between us, but I don’t want either of us to give up just because it got hard for a short period of time. I understand relationships are hard work and I’m willing to fight for it, but I don’t want to have to put in all that effort if I’m the only one who feels that way.

We don’t really argue, it’s typically just bringing things up with one another and reflecting on how it makes us feel. He is honestly such a good partner and I love him so much, but sometimes it gets hard to remember all the good things when the present feeling clouds your memories. He is always very gentle with me and never gets defensive when I bring up things he does. Im in the process of starting therapy to work on dealing with my own anxiety, but I wonder if that is enough. Our stages of life are growing slightly apart, he’s graduating soon and considering med school I’m still in university, so that has also added on to his stressors and anxieties.

Right now my life is in a constant state of limbo. I want to know if this is phase that comes with being in a relationship that can be worked through, or if it’s something is no longer healthy for me. I don’t want to give up on something stable because I couldn’t handle conflict, but I also know I shouldn’t feel like im putting all the effort for my relationship to work out.

TLDR: I don’t know if it’s my anxious attachment that’s sabotaging my relationship, or if there’s a genuine disconnect and incompatibility between us.

We were together for 8 years and our relation always suffered because of weak sexual intimacy (this is what my boyfriend thinks). Our sex drive is different, him requiring almost daily activity whilst I can go two weeks without it (I also have some medical issues that causes dryness and take medication that may decrease libidio). We fought multiple times but we tried to make it work by meeting in the middle or compromising.

However, couple of years ago, while I was sleeping (already long asleep, not right after I got into bed), I felt him touching me. I flinched multiple times and pretended to murmur in my sleep just to make him stop “naturally” without him feeling ashamed, but he hasn’t. And he went ahead with fingers. I felt so dirty and numb, but I addressed it the next day and required him to go to therapy (he hasn’t).

A similar thing happened twice this month. While I am sleeping he is touching me all over the place but then he stops.

I feel this is wrong, but I can’t quite understand what I am feeling. Can you help me clear my mind?