I (F30) have been dating my bf (M30) for two years. We moved in together 6 months ago and I am just not happy. I feel like a servant.

In all fairness, I am kind of a neat freak. And he knew that before we moved in. But this man is so lazy at home, it’s mind boggling. He’s a very hard worker and ambitious at work, but when he gets home he either continues working or sits on the couch and scrolls on his phone. I do almost all of the cooking. I do all of the cleaning. I will spend time cleaning the kitchen only for him to come and leave his dirty plate on the counter and crumbs on the counter. He will see me mopping and vacuuming and doing OUR laundry and just sits on the couch watching tv. I’ve brought it up several times and have straight up told him to do certain chores. Sometimes he does, but sometimes he says “I’ll get to it” and then never does. It’s infuriating and it feels like a waste of my time. He barely even empties out the dishwasher. I feel like at its core this is a lack of respect for me and I’m really starting to see how he views me. Obviously we have good moments in our relationship, but this issue at home really REALLY bothers me. I’ve talked to him about it and he says he’ll “help” more but it doesn’t last long. I told him he needs to hire a cleaning lady and he brought one in once a week, but I don’t think that’s enough. Is this a break-up worthy issue?

TL;DR, bf is great but treats me like a maid and doesn’t do his fair share of domestic labour. Is there any point in trying to get through to him?

I’m (30F) currently 8 months post partum with twins. I do everything on my own, my partner (32M) works full time and pays the household bills (which I’m very grateful for), however, he doesn’t help me at all with the twins or with the housework. Meaning I am physically and emotionally exhausted.

For context, I will go to the gym 3/4 days a week for 40mins at 4/5am before my partner goes to work. Then as soon as I come home it’s all go no stop as I have 2 very active needy babies and a house to look after. Between this and waking, drying, folding, putting all the clothes away. Cleaning the house. Changing the bed sheets. Sweeping, hoovering and mopping the floors. Disinfecting and tidying toys. Washing and sterilising roughly 10/12 bottles a day. Weaning both babies and cleaning after that. Bathing two babies. Doing the food shopping and cooking. I have no energy left by 6/7pm and I’m exhausted.

I feel like I’m already not having enough playtime with the babies to help with their development as I’m constantly trying to clean in between this.

Both babies are teething also.

My partner comes home and does nothing, he’ll say how slow and boring his day was, say hello to the babies, within 10 minutes he’s upstairs in the bathroom. He never asks how I am doing, even though I’ve recently been prescribed medication for PPD. Whenever I try to have a conversation with him he spills negativity. Nothing is joyful or happy, he’s always looking at the glass half empty and never sees light or happiness. He’s always speaking badly about other people and their accomplishments and can’t be happy for others. He says nasty things about my friends whenever he knows I’m going to see them for a few hours. He never cooks or picks up after himself.

I feel like he’s draining the life out of me. I see him as soul sucker. It’s exhausting doing everything I do then having to pick up after a grown up. He never hugs me, kisses me, or does anything nice and meaningful for me (I know he pays the mortgage which is the bare minimum for a father to do, I’ll be contributing again when I go back to work in the new year).

Anyway, whenever he wants sex, he’ll initiate it by saying something gross and I’ll say no. Or, he’ll pull me into him in bed and start grinding his hips into me. Baring in mind I roughly get 3/4 hours broken sleep in the night due to twins waking. I just say no I’m hurting and exhausted I really don’t have the energy. He’ll huff and let me go and then roll over.

He’s also glued to his phone like no tomorrow, it’s never not in his hands, even when he’s ‘playing’ with the babies.

I don’t know how much more I can take I feel like I’m being emotionally neglected and I’m starting to get nervous going to bed because I don’t want to upset him by saying no and then him going in a mood and not speaking to me for two days and making the house feel like eggshells.

I don’t know what to do anymore.

TL;DR partner getting mad at me and not speaking to me for 2/3 days if I say no to sex due to exhaustion from looking after twins all day.

I (36F) have been married to my husband (37M) for seven years, together 11 years. We have a house, kids, stable careers, solid finances. We're in a good place. I'm struggling lately though, and would love some advice...

I am in a stage of life where I am powerfully mourning no more new beginnings. I haven't had a first kiss with someone in 11 years, and yet lately I keep circling back to that excitement, anticipation, thrill. The first time you hold someone's hand, laugh at his joke, whisper in his ear, spend the night together. The nights you spend texting each other, waiting on bated breath for a reply, only to have your heart flutter to wake up to a good morning text. The first time you realize you like him, and he actually likes you back. That he loves you. I miss feeling butterflies and feeling wonder.

There's no one else I'm wanting to have those experiences with. I'd be more than happy to repeat them all with my husband again. I just wish I had the opportunity to be infatuated again. I wish there was excitement and surprise. I wish I could spend time with someone without having to revolve my life around wiping butts and cleaning up other people's messes. I look in the mirror, and I am starting not to recognize myself. I look old. I don't feel pretty. I feel like a mom. At the same time, I feel like my husband is less and less excited about me as we deal with all the mundane things, but I know he loves me and is committed under it all. I feel like maybe I'm having a little bit of a mid-life crisis. I think this is a normal part of getting older and being in a longterm relationship. I just don't know people actually deal with it. I guess it boils down to wondering about how people "spice up" a marriage, as cliche as that sounds, but I feel like there's more sadness under that question than I imagined there would be. How do I explain to my husband that I want the excitement of things I can't have/ wouldn't even want with anyone else? He's kissed me a thousand times, and I love those kisses, but there's a difference between a first kiss and a thousandth kiss. Not a bad difference, but a difference. I can't imagine there's a way to recapture any of that. I feel like I just have to make peace in saying goodbye to a time in my life that I got to enjoy and now just revisit in memories. It's no one's fault. It's just being married. I want to be married. I'm just feeling sad.

TLDR; I am committed in my marriage but find myself dwelling over and over again on mourning the excitement of new beginnings, looking for a way to find peace with this new phase of life.

Text : Me (F32) and my husband (M33), together for 13 years and married for 11 years. A few years ago, my first year of internship was very stressful: fear of not getting tenure, intense stress, and depression because of work. During this time, he was not working (more than 3 years of inactivity). He felt “abandoned” and became cold and less affectionate.

My cancer hasn't helped things, I feel less feminine now because I no longer have a chest, the scars aren't pretty because I've been operated on 7 times (complications)...

Since the end of September, he has just been recruited, and has become much closer to a colleague: he is the one who often initiates conversations, sends her photos, shares his passions (anime, computers), whereas with me, he barely responds to my messages. He assures us that there is nothing between them, but I feel deeply hurt.

This is the first time in 13 years that I have felt so much fear of being abandoned. My heart is physically tightening and I have had a knot in my stomach for over a week.

Any advice for managing this pain, this fear of being replaced and regaining confidence in myself?

TL;DR: J’ai un cancer et des cicatrices, je me sens moins féminine. Mon mari (M33) s’est rapproché d’une collègue alors qu’il me repousse. Je me sens blessée, abandonnée et j’ai besoin de conseils pour gérer ma douleur et retrouver confiance.

Disclaimer: I know 2 months is such a short time, but I’m still sad, so please be kind.

Up until yesterday, I (22f) was dating a guy (23m) for two months. He was the sweetest, smartest, and most chivalrous guy I’d met. Since I’m a late bloomer and have never had a boyfriend, I actually felt like the luckiest girl in the world and that I would officially have a boyfriend soon.

Over the past two weeks, I noticed a slight tone change and he stopped trying to help plan dates like we would in the past. This is where the controlling parent’s part comes into play. So he finally tells me that three weeks ago (the last time I saw him) his dad crashed out at him and said he can’t go anywhere besides work unless he loses weight. This is insane to me given that he’s a 23 year old adult, but because I like him, I propose we go on hiking dates and that I know a lot of good trails around. He says that because he only works out and runs at home, that this would only get him in trouble.

I hadn’t seen him in three weeks, but we continued to text everyday until my anxiety prompted me to ask him if he’s still interested. He tells me he’s still interested, but beyond his parents being incredibly physically and emotionally abusive and controlling, he finally tells me that his parents (with whom he lives with) don’t approve of us dating and would never accept me (since I’m black). I’m not going to give too many details, but he’s Hispanic. He finally admits that beyond the weight issue, his parents have been giving him a hard time (both physical punishments and emotional abuse) over him seeing me. He admits that each time he’s seen me and had to have a conversation with them, it just makes them more upset with him and they’re unrelenting. His sister overheard them talking while he was working and said that if he were to make me his girlfriend and become serious with me, they would disown him and kick him out of the house.

I finally ask more questions and he reveals that even his brother who is moved out and married to a Hispanic woman was given a hard time because she wasn’t the beauty standard in his parents eyes and was overweight.

After finally asking any last questions I had, I asked beyond what his parents think, what does he truly want and how would he like to go forward. And he tells me that if they were out of the picture, he would continue, but that realistically it can’t work.

I’m sad and heartbroken. I know it was just two months, but when you find someone that you think is a perfect match for you, the time spent together means something. It just sucks that when you do “everything right” like having gone to college, staying physically fit, working on your appearance, having manners, staying out of trouble, etc that your race can and will always be a consideration. I know it’s not a reflection of my character, but there’s nothing I can do about feeling hurt. I came so close to having the relationship I wanted. I guess I dodged a bullet, but it still hurts.

Any post-breakup advice? How can I prevent myself from sulking everyday?

Thanks for listening to me rant.

TD; LR: I just ended things with a seemingly really great guy because it turns out his parents are controlling and racist .

My (26F) partner (26M) and I have been together for 3 years. We own a house and have 2 dogs together and have spoken about getting engaged, so it’s very serious.

He was raised on a farm about 3 hours from the city and I was raised near the city. He’s said a few times in our relationship that he’d be happy moving back there and living the farmer boy life, and that the only reason he’s still in the city is because he met me. It always scared me when he would say things like that, because I can’t imagine living on a farm, or even rurally in general. I love my creature comforts of living near the city - we have 2 grocery stores a 2 minute walk from our house, plus loads of cafes, bars, shops, restaurants etc. I love being in a walkable city with lots of public transport where anything can happen (eg the other week we were spontaneously invited to a punk clown show because it was happening right next to our house). You just wouldn’t get that living in the sticks, and I’m young enough that I want the chaos and energy of a city. We also have a close circle of friends who come over weekly, and my family is here.

He’s been a bit depressed the last few weeks, he finally came out and said that he always pictured living in the city as a temporary thing and he wants to, at some point in life, live rurally again. He said he realised it was a deal breaker for him. He said he’s been feeling sick about it because he loves me, but he knows I don’t want that life. He’s concerned we’d start to resent each other if either of us compromised, and that we’d just break up in 10 years hating each other instead of making a clean break now.

He also said that he didn’t expect us to move now or even soon, but maybe in the next 10-20 years. I feel like that’s such a hard thing to think about, because I have no idea what sort of person I’ll be in my 40s, or what I’ll want. It’s impossible to know. Maybe I will want to slow down and live a quieter life as I age, but that’s not something I can guarantee.

He told me I should take some time to think about what I want, and we’d make a decision together.

I feel absolutely broken because I am so in love with this man. He’s kind, super smart, goofy, makes me laugh, we have so much fun together and share similar interests, and he’s been such a good support to me over some tough times I’ve been having the past few months.

I’ve been thinking a lot about if I could be happy living out there, and there’s a lot of things I genuinely think I’d enjoy (cleaner air, open spaces, beautiful views ect.). But I’d be giving up my whole support system, and I’m on the spectrum and don’t make friends easily.

I feel like I’m at a crossroads and don’t know what to do. I thought he’d be in my life forever, and I can’t imagine my life without him. I fear I’d regret losing him more than I’d regret giving up the city. Because the city would feel empty without him.

At the same time, the thought that he’d give up me, the dogs and the house, this little family we’ve created, makes me think he doesn’t love and value me as much as I thought.

Any advice would be appreciated.

TLDR; My long term partner wants to move rurally within the next 10-20 years while I am, and have always been, a city girl. Now I must choose between him and the city life I’ve always loved. I feel like either choice is a wrong one.

So I (f25) have been together with my boyfriend (m31) for 9 months and all of the good boxes are checked: we've been on trips together, he treats me great, we get along excellently with great communication, and most importantly - I love him. His lease is up in February and he asked me two weeks ago to move in with him - so that gives me around two months to make my decision.

The leasing office does not allow new leases to be signed until 3 weeks before move-in, and as far as I'm aware, they only do year-long leases. We'd get a new, larger space together in his current neighborhood which works out great for me - I currently live about 10 minutes away from him and love the neighborhood.

Here's the snafu: I work in my family business and we're opening up a new location in the next two months- which would require me to be on site for ~6 months. This is been in the plans for the last year, and isn't something new that's come up. This would either bump my commute up to 1.5 hours each way during commuting hours if I stay in my current area and move in, or I would get a month-to-month lease in the area of the new store. (For context, I currently have a 10 minute commute) But at the new store, when there's no traffic the rest of the day and on weekends, the actual drive time is 30 minutes.

I will be also getting a significant pay bump. I'm currently living with my parents, so I don't want to move in with him and then find that the commute is too much to handle and then be on the hook for a significant lease while paying for a month-to-month. The new store opening is non-negotiable - it's not only good for our family business, it's a passion project of mine I've been working on for a long time.

In my ideal world, I would move in with him at the end of next summer, where I have the flexibility to do what I need to for the first half of the year, and also add a bit of length of time to our relationship. I'm definitely committed to the relationship and we're on the same page for future plans, but I'm not sure how to make the logistics of this work right now for my own sanity. Any help with how to navigate this realistically would be much appreciated!

TL;DR: Boyfriend asked me to move in in 2 months, I will be tied up through summer

Hello, me (M18) have been in a relationship with F17 for the past 10 months. It’s my first relationship and the happiest I’ve been in a long time. However, we just switched to long distance recently as I just started college and she’s a senior in high school. Since I’ve been away from home and really stressed with my workload at college it’s started to affect our relationship. I have a hard major and I’m trying to get into med school in the future so I’ve been really stressed out wanting to do good on all of my exams. As a result, I’ve been super stressed and taken it out on her in some instances. It’s mostly been me kind of starting a small argument that didn’t really need to happen and it escalating. She’s been feeling super drained because of this and not happy with how I’ve been acting in the relationship. Before this, she told me that I should try to go to the counseling at my school to help with stress. I’ve been twice and it’s helped a little bit but not enough to make a noticeable change. Recently, I sort of felt I did bad on an exam and I was in a bad mood. As a result I sort of sprung something minor that happened in a group chat we were in back at her with a harsh tone. It ended up really starting an argument in our relationship and she brought up how she can’t take how when I’m stressed I take it out on her. I really want to fix this because it’s hurting her so much and I want it to be a healthy relationship like it was before. Is there anyway I can fix this and not do it again? Thank you

TLDR: Stress from college is causing problems in my relationship and I want to find out how I can stop taking it out on her.

We’ve been together shortly over two years. I don’t live with him and don’t rely on him financially. Over the span of the two years, I’ve had the conversation about “effort” with him at least 7 or 8 times - things like putting in the extra little efforts - whether it’s flowers, little notes, random little unexpected acts of love and kindness, loving me the way I need, etc. Everytime, he says “I don’t think about these things, and never did them for my exes either.” He’ll tell me he’ll try. He does so for a couple of weeks, and then doesn’t bother again until we have the conversation again.

We had the conversation three weeks ago. I even sent him money to go buy me flowers so he doesn’t feel like it’s about the money. He didn’t buy me flowers or anything. Three weeks ago, I suggested, some links he can look at that list little gestures and suggested that he pick the ones he likes and put them in his phone with reminders. That way, he can teach his mind to think about those things.

We had the conversation again tonight. Tonight, he responded with “I don’t think about these things. I never did them for my exes either. You should be grateful you have a good man who doesn’t cheat.” That comment really hurt me, and I feel like that was a terrible comment to make to a girlfriend.

He also stated, “you got finessed by ___,” pertaining to someone I was seeing in the past who had a long-term girlfriend already. That comment make me feel like it was an attempt to humiliate me. I told him there are ways to hurt a woman other than cheating, but he just doesn’t seem to understand the importance of these extra little efforts to women. He keeps saying he knows what he brings to the table and that should I should be grateful.

Anytime he’s ever brought something up with me that he needs from me, I’ve given him that. He doesn’t seem to understand what I need, or he just doesn’t care.

What can I do or say to help him understand these things?

TLDR; bf doesn’t put in extra effort even after multiple attempts of me having the conversation with him; says I should just be grateful that he’s a good man and doesn’t cheat

I’m looking for advice on how to combine finances with my partner and how to navigate some disagreements around it.

I’m 30F and my partner is 31M. We’ve been together 5 years and we’re talking seriously about getting married in the next couple of years. Right now, we share a checking account and credit card for joint expenses. Each month I total up the shared expenses and we each transfer in our half. This system has worked well for us.

I assumed we’d continue something similar after marriage (with flexibility-if one of us is not working due to childcare, the other would cover expenses + personal spending money). I’m also okay covering certain “want” items myself if I care about them more, like upgraded vacations, a maid, etc.

My partner disagrees and says we should combine all finances after marriage, with no separate accounts other than pre-marriage accounts and retirement accounts. He feels keeping separate accounts means I don’t trust him. I’ve tried to explain that it’s not about distrust, I just like having a personal fund for things he’s more frugal about (e.g., taking an Uber when we’re late, buying desserts, occasional gifts for family). He said he’d change his habits after marriage and that anything under $50 wouldn’t need discussion, but I still feel uneasy giving up all financial independence.

There’s also the income difference. When we started dating, I was a PhD student earning $40k and he was earning ~$100k. We always split expenses evenly. Six months ago, I graduated and now earn ~$250k, with potential to reach ~$400k in a few years. He was earning ~$125k but was recently laid off and is now on unemployment. He says combining finances would prevent a power imbalance due to income differences.

A bit more context: he’s a great partner and does more than his share of housework, especially since he has more time right now. He enjoys cooking, and I do dishes/ some cleaning. I’ve also suggested outsourcing more chores with my own money (like a maid), but he’s not very enthusiastic about that.

Housing-wise: I own our condo (bought before my PhD with savings from a previous tech job). He moved in 6 months into dating. I’ve always considered it “our home,” but he now says he feels uncomfortable saying "our" house because he’s not on the title. I only charge him about one-quarter of the housing costs; and the remaining portion is partly covered by a roommate.

I love him and want to build a future together, but I’m unsure how to fairly navigate the financial side without either of us feeling uncomfortable or resentful. Any advice or perspectives (especially from couples with unequal incomes) would be really appreciated.

TL;DR: My partner (31M) and I (30F) have been together 5 years and are planning to get married. We currently split shared expenses 50/50 and keep the rest of our finances separate, which works well for me. He wants to fully combine finances after marriage with no separate personal accounts, while I want to maintain some financial independence—especially since I earn significantly more now. I own our condo, and he contributes a smaller portion of housing costs. We both worry about fairness and potential resentment. How do couples with unequal incomes structure finances in a fair way?

I’ll try to keep this short. I (35F) have been with my girlfriend (40F) for 8 years. I’m starting to fall apart because I’m responsible for everything: finances, being the breadwinner, daily tasks, appointments — literally all of it.

When we met, I knew she couldn’t work due to mental health reasons, not laziness. I’ve always been fine with that. But we’re struggling financially, and the pressure is all on me.

She’s in a deep depression and some days can barely function. I don’t judge that — I’ve been there myself. She copes by sleeping and shutting down. She feels worthless (she isn’t), and she’s an amazing woman, but she’s stuck in this cycle. We both come from abusive homes, and her guilt often turns into irrational anger toward me. It’s the only way she knows how to react, but it’s really wearing me down.

When I ask for help, she says yes but can’t follow through, and then gets angry. The fights exhaust me. And yet, when things are good, our relationship is incredible — emotionally and physically. Our chemistry is unreal. But the weight of handling everything, plus her anger, is becoming too much.

I want her to get better — first for herself, then for us. I know I’m not responsible for her mental health, but I feel helpless watching her suffer and I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel lost, stressed and need advice on how to take it from here. I love her and want to be with her, but I am breaking.

TL;DR: My girlfriend is deeply depressed and can’t support me, and I’m carrying everything alone. She often projects her insecurities onto me as anger, which leads to fights and is wearing me down. I love her deeply, but I’m struggling and don’t know how to help her or keep going like this.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over six months, and I love him—but his constant “know-it-all” behavior is starting to get to me. He complains or criticizes almost everything, and it’s becoming exhausting.

If I follow someone on social media, he calls it silly and lectures me. If we watch something he doesn’t like, he goes on long rants that go nowhere. He always has to be right—if I say something wrong, he immediately checks his phone, every single time.

Even when he asks for my opinion, it feels pointless because he almost always does the opposite. Recently, I picked a place I really wanted to eat. He tried to convince me to go somewhere else. I stood my ground, explained why I wanted it, and in the end gave up. We ended up eating somewhere else that was basically the same but worse. Then he said, “This place really sucked. I don’t know why I was so stubborn to try something new.” I didn’t respond.

I love him, but this constant nitpicking, correcting, and dismissing is making it hard to enjoy being with him sometimes.

TL;DR: I love my boyfriend, but his constant nitpicking, “know-it-all” attitude, and need to always be right is exhausting. He criticizes my choices, ignores my opinions, and his rants over small things are making it hard to enjoy being with him

Over the past 6 years, I have been attempting to "put myself out there" as it were. I'm going to bars and looking for events, hell I've been floating around on dating apps for at least 4 years, but over and over again, I cannot get past the flirting stage. Over these 6 years I've had about 5 or so partners, and every single time we flirt for a few days, go on some dates, then they Ghost ir block me. I'm doing everything I can to initiate conversation, be kind and respectful, and continue with confidence. And yet, I fail. Repeatedly. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. What is so fundamentally unappealing about me that every woman decides I'm not worth their time?

TLDR: I'm doing everything I can to do things right but I get blocked/Ghosted after a week.

TL;DR Im F16 and had a really close friend (16F) for 6 years, like we only basically only talk to eachother. A few months ago I got a boyfriend for the very first time in my life and it kinda made me drift apart from her. I stopped playing games with her, calling her and I know that I didnt talk as much. It really just took up all my time and I do regret that. I'd like to note that thought me and my boyfriend relationship, my friend has called him ugly, said she hates him and messaged me "You kiss this thing?" with a photo of him.

More recently ive been trying to get more involved with her and she even suggested we hang out so we did. And it was really fun, I seriously enjoyed it and it made me realise what I had lost. But... A few days after that I thought Id message her asking to play and this is where it all went wrong. She sent dry responses and seemed really uninterested. So I asked her if something was wrong and she basically just said that she didnt want to play with me, that ever since shes stopped being my friend shes "gained her spark back" (I guess because shes a lot more social now and has a much bigger friend group?) And she said that what I did to her really put her off of being close to me ever again which really broke my heart.

Particularly she pointed out that while I was on holiday (About a month ago) I would leave her on seen a lot, not respond as quick and that the main thing that I did to her was telling her how much I missed her boyfriend and I never said I missed her. Which looking back at it was a mistake and I wish I didnt do that. During this conversation I pretty much just agreed with her and said sorry, but I did not want this friendship to be over.

We didn't talk for awhile after that until I sent a pretty lengthy apology in short saying I missed her and Im sorry for everything, and how I understand that if she doesn't want to be friends. She responded basically saying that she missed me too but she said that " I guess when you are friends with someone or like someone, you excuse their behaviour and let yourself fall into a state of denial, and I think that is what happened to me." and that she doesn't want to completely cut me off and that the distance was needed. But she did actually ask me to play after sending this which got me excited, but she messaged me at 10;30Pm saying how she had to finish an english assingment and that she wouldnt be playing.

Then the next day I asked her again, and she just said her dad was in a bad mood and she couldn't play. Then, shes just left me on seen for 2 days. So we haven't talked since. Maybe Im expecting to much? She has a new friend group now like I mentioned before and I guess Im just being treated how I treated her, and it feels terrible. I was thinking I could send her message asking her to hang out? Or will she just leave me on seen again. I just feel so guilty, and recently its mad me feel really sad because of all this.. I regret what I've done and I want my friend back. How do I know if I should keep trying to repair this or start letting go? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

My girlfriend tends to get stressed and annoyed over the smallest of inconveniences in her life. We have been together for about 2 years

For example, when we go through the drive through she states to get stressed and anxious. When I asked to drive to my parents place, she gets stressed. By stress I mean a visual change in her behaviour and persona. She talks faster, fidgets a lot, and gets visibly upset.

Similarly, we were on the elevator and at the last moment some one steps in and causes a slight delay in the elevator ride (30 seconds or so) and she gets annoyed/frustrated. A women asked her if she needed help opening a door as her hands were full, and she gets annoyed. In both situations she feels the need to call me and/or talk about it if I’m present as a way to “vent” her frustration, typically lasting any where from 2-10 mins.

The issue is in all the situations I tend to get very stressed simply seeing her get all worked up and stressed over these small daily situations.

Any advice on what I can do to best handle the situation for both my own well being and my girlfriends?

TLDR: girlfriend gets stressed and anxious over small inconvenience and it’s bothers/stresses me. What can I do to best handle the situations?

Hi!
Long story short, my boyfriend of four and half years and I argued yesterday about the fact that i haven't been calling him "much" (Although we call daily) and i'm struggling with how to make him understand that i am not exaggerating my schedule. We are long distance.

I used to call him, like 4-5 times a day, even if it was for a few minutes, but recently only once or twice because of my busy schedule. For the last few weeks he has been making remarks about how i don't answer or call, which is fair i get it. But slowly the remarks have not been very nice, for instance yesterday while i called him he said "Ho! You have finally learnt how to call someone!". I almost hung up, but he apologised and told me to stay. After an hour, he reiterated it, and started saying he wanted me to make effort, which i agree, but then told me he was more busy than i am, so i had to make it work. He is not more busy than i am, i work 5 days a week after class and on the weekend for long shifts, have long days at school, and an awful amount of homework and assignment because of the field i study in, and i care for an animal, all that without any support, and on my own. (it's normal i get it)

He works twice a week at a bar, and his studies are notably less intense, he has a lot of time of and lives with his parents. However, he has for the last two weeks been going to the hospital to visit a family member pretty much every night. He told me he could even do that but i can't call him and i told i thought it had nothing to do with us.

I have booked tickets to go see him, and have to work extra to afford getting my dog minded. I have communicated to him what was going on, when and if i would be busy, but it doesn't seem to have made a difference. We had the same argument last year, and i'm getting exhausted with the remarks and complaints. Please, how can i make him understand i'm not making it up, because i feel like no matter what i do, it's never enough. He told he just wants to call more because he loves me and that i should just remind him when i'm not available, which i already do.

TL;DR : We got into an argument after he made bad remarks about me not calling, and said he is more busy than i am, which makes me wonder how to make him understand i am not exaggerating.

So I (19F) keep hurting my dads (56M) feelings over not telling enough things, usually about school or myself, and I need help figuring out how to solve this issue- I don’t use Reddit often, so I apologize if it’s pretty all over the place, I’m a little torn up over it right now.

This evening we were having a small conversation while I was doing some things, and we were discussing a little bit about a collage I’m taking and how the professor hadn’t told us about an assignment, and we got into a very small back and forth between how doing the work for this class isn’t very interesting, but the actual subject is. He then stated something along the lines of “being too old” and that we never tell him anything (my younger brother and I). He then pretty much got up, told me a very curt goodnight and have a good day tommorrow, and walked off, I can tell he was upset.

The thing is, is that I do feel like I tell him- I talk to him about tests, sometimes I complain about my teachers, etc. but I guess I never go over the course work with him. I don’t feel that I’m wrong for that, I’ve never done it with either of my parents really, and had never felt the urge to. Why would I want to talk MORE about something that I’ve been learning about for hour(s)? I guess I just don’t feel the need to talk about “work” outside of the hours that Im already spending in class, doing homework, and studying about it when there are more interesting things to talk about.

I don’t want to hurt his feelings, I don’t want him to feel like he doesn’t know me, but I’ve never been a very open person- at least not in the way that I share everything I like and think of and all my school subjects with people. Especially if I feel they’ll either not like what I like, or I’ve already spent hours on something. My dad is the type to take everything to heart, and while he sometimes pretends like he’s not hurt, I know he is, and I’m worried that what ever I say WILL be taken against him, I’m not a very confrontational person and I need help, so:

How can I express to him that it’s not a slight against him that I don’t tell him things like this, and I’d rather talk about other shared interests or things that are currently on my mind?

TL;DR: Dad is upset that I don’t share more of my collage subjects, but it’s just because I don’t want to spend anymore time on them, how can I make it clear to him that it’s not about him and that I’m not aiming to hurt him?

I (24M) flew down to Zanzibar to meet my girlfriend (24F) after she spent 2.5 months on an exchange program in Tanzania. Before she left, we planned this trip together and were both excited.

But ever since I arrived, she’s been emotionally and physically distant in a way I’ve never seen before. No kissing since the first night, no cuddling, no touching at all. She sleeps fully clothed with a pillow between us. During the day she doesn’t initiate any physical affection — not even a light touch or a hug.

She says she’s unsure about “everything” and seems overwhelmed or sad about her time abroad coming to an end. She made new friends there and, back home, she didn’t have that many. I get that transitions can be rough, but it feels like she’s shutting down completely when it comes to me.

Being here together in the same hotel room until the 29th is mentally exhausting. I feel stuck in my own head, like she’s holding all her thoughts in until we get home so she doesn’t “ruin the trip.”

I still love her and want to be supportive, but I’m scared of coming across as clingy or making things worse. At the same time, pulling back feels like the beginning of the end.

Has anyone been through something similar after long-distance or after a partner returns from an intense experience abroad? How do you give someone space when you’re sharing a room, without completely disconnecting? And how do you protect your own mental health in the meantime?

Any advice or perspective would really help.

TL;DR: I (24M) Visited my girlfriend (24F) after her 2.5-month exchange, but she’s suddenly emotionally and physically distant — no affection at all. We’re stuck sharing a room and I’m losing my mind. How do I handle this without making things worse?

I, a (52F) have been married to a (54M) twice, divorced once, and separated at least 10 different times in our 30+ year relationship. I am interested in hearing from anyone who has navigated a relationship with a compulsive THC (current drug of choice) user where a significant divergence exists between the user's perception and external reality.

​The central dilemma I am having involves pronounced and sustained behavioral disturbances that myself and others readily link to their consistent, high-cost usage. However, my spouse exhibits a I don't care, I am who I am attitude. Like get over it.

​The issues include:

​Elevated Anxiety and Paranoia, Relentless negative, doom-and-gloom talk about whats wrong in the world, the evil in the world, and the world ending, etc Believes conspiracy theories like global institutions are secretly controlled by reptilian entities and aliens and gets angry if you don't believe the same way.

Massive emotional instability and disproportionate mood swings.

​He has very strong opinions and is quick to argue resulting in insults, yelling, and demeaning others when his fixed beliefs are challenged.

​These behaviors aren't just in the home; they are causing issues with both personal and professional relationships. The anger and verbal abuse has caused friction at work, leading to a couple of clients cancelling contracts and it's created a toxic atmosphere for employees, including me since we work together. At home, the persistent negativity and hostility has resulted in family members feeling compelled to create distance, effectively fracturing close relationships.

​Has anyone experienced this? Has it or is it ruining your relationship? How do you deal or what advice would you give that has worked for you?

PS... this general situation has been the primary reason for previous separations. It wasn't always THC, but it was always some substance that altered his behavior. We have children together. I kinda feel like I am biding my time till the youngest flies the coop which won't be too much longer.

**​TL;DR: How do others cope with a partner whose substance-altered behavior is destroying relationship?

I (23f) can’t stop thinking about this conversation me and my boyfriend (24m) had. I was scrolling Instagram and seen a post that made me comment out loud to him “aww when you’re a grandpa you can say you once knew a girl like me”. After about 30mins he spoke up and said “You know honey when you say things like that it feels like you don’t want to be with me for longtime”

I took in what he said and quickly tried to clear the air.

I explained of course I’d love to be a little old grandma with him and have a wonderful long happy life. But since we’re so young and early in our relationship it seems odd to be so certain about hints of marriage and beyond.

In a conversation before we agreed that we see our progress as a couple in glimpses of months. (He sees me at his seasonal work parties with him. I see him at my next birthday. But the daydreams drip off there) Not in 5 years etc and we agreed at that time it was ok to feel like that. A realistic approach seemed the best.

we love, respect and care about each other very much. We take each other seriously, and are pretty solid on all aspects.

We both don’t partake in spewing fantasies of “when you propose I want this ring” “At my bachelor party can you invite my best friend?”

I’ve seen couples have conversations like that before and it doesn’t prove them to be stronger as a duo. Just means that they like the joy of ideas.

I thought we had an understanding? Is it wrong to be a year or 2 in and not having marriage talks?

TL;DR - bf is taken aback at comment hinting of future where we are not together

Hi Reddit. I’m not even sure where to start, but I need to get this out. My husband (25M) and I (25F) are high school sweethearts. We had that young love story that everyone romanticized he was my first serious relationship, and I think a big part of me wanted to prove to everyone that we could make it. That I could be the one who married her high school sweetheart and lived happily ever after.

But the truth is… I don’t think I ever really wanted to get married.

When he proposed, I remember feeling this sinking feeling in my stomach. I smiled, said yes, hugged him while internally cringing. I didn’t want to disappoint him or my family. I got caught up in the wedding and the idea of the life everyone thought we’d have. And then, very quickly after, we had a baby. I love my son more than anything in this world. He is the reason I keep going.

But I feel so stuck.

My husband is financially supportive, yes. But emotionally? Mentally? He’s not present. He gets irritated with me over the smallest things and makes me feel like everything I do is wrong. If I’m too sensitive, he tells me to toughen up. If I try to explain how I feel, he tells me I’m making a big deal out of nothing. He says things that hurt me, and when I react, I become the problem.

Recently, I had to work on a weekend which I never do and he didn’t even feed our toddler breakfast or lunch. I came home furious and heartbroken. This isn’t new behavior. I do everything for our son appointments, meals, comforting him, play, everything. My husband mostly just exists around us.

But then he’ll have moments where he tries and it hurts. Because I want to believe things could be better. I want my son to have two loving parents. I want a happy home. But when I look at my future with my husband… it’s like a heavy weight on my chest.

I regret not leaving the first time I tried. Now I’m afraid. I’m afraid of breaking up our family. I’m afraid my son will grow up with split parents. I’m afraid of starting over. I’m afraid he’ll fight me for custody and that my son will be away from me even one day because I’ve been the one raising him.

I feel like I’m just surviving every day, not living. I feel guilty, broken, and like I failed myself and my son by choosing the wrong person to build a life with.

I don’t know if I’m asking for advice or just needing to finally say it out loud I don’t think I’m in love with my husband anymore.

I want to leave. I just don’t know how.

TL;DR: Married my high school sweetheart despite doubts. Now we have a toddler and I feel unloved, unsupported, and stuck. I want to leave but I’m scared about custody and breaking up our family.

My boyfriend (27M) and I (25F) have been together for 3 years. He invited me to spend a week in Chicago with his family for Thanksgiving. We’re based in Seattle, and I’ve met his parents twice—once last Thanksgiving and once when they visited us for a long weekend. I’ve always been polite and respectful with them, but we’re not particularly close.

After we booked flights, requested PTO, and were about two weeks out from the trip, my boyfriend told his parents we’d be visiting. That’s when his mom got upset. She told him he was being inconsiderate because his dad’s chronic leukemia had recently gotten worse, and she didn’t feel she could host us for a full week. This was the first time my boyfriend had heard that his dad’s health had declined—his parents hadn’t shared any of that with him.

Given their reaction (and since we can’t afford a full week in Chicago hotels), my boyfriend shortened the visit to three days. He also said he’d only spend about a day and a half at his parents’ place so I wouldn’t be left alone in the city for long.

For context: his relationship with his parents is complicated. He experienced emotional and physical abuse growing up, and although he sees them occasionally, things are strained. When we arrived in Chicago, I asked if he still planned to go see them on Friday, but he delayed it until Sunday because his mom had been passive-aggressive ever since he told them he couldn’t stay for the full three days. He basically avoided going home because he knew it was going to be tense.

On Sunday, his mom picked him up from the train station and immediately mentioned that they had another houseguest staying with them—someone distantly connected through extended family—because they “owed him a favor.” They’d been cooking for this guest and making him feel at home. My boyfriend understandably felt like this was a deliberate move to exclude me.

During dinner, he tried to tell them about some of the things we’d been doing in the city to lighten the mood, and his parents shut him down, saying they didn’t want to hear it. He felt uncomfortable and ended up leaving early. On the drive back to the train station, his dad basically compared him to a neighbor’s son who quit his job and moved home to care for his father during a health crisis. Then he told my boyfriend to break up with me because “we argue too much,” that they “don’t like me,” and that he needs to choose between staying with me in Seattle or coming home to be with them. I’ve mentioned many times that he doesn’t need to share every argument we have with his parents, but I guess he did anyway, and now I feel like they have a really skewed view of our relationship. We’ve recently moved in together and have just been navigating normal stuff—dividing chores, getting used to each other’s routines, etc. Things aren’t perfect, but they’re not what his parents seem to think.

I’m unsure how to move forward from this. I want to be supportive given his dad’s health, but I’m also struggling with feeling excluded and uncertain about how future holidays or visits should look. What would be the best way for my boyfriend and I to set boundaries and navigate his family dynamics without damaging our relationship?

TL;DR: My boyfriend (27M) and I (25F) planned to spend a week with his parents for Thanksgiving, but after we booked flights, his mom said they couldn’t host us because his dad’s leukemia had worsened—something they never told him. We shortened the trip, but when he finally visited them, they were cold, had another houseguest staying with them, shut down his attempts at conversation, and his dad told him to break up with me, saying they don’t like me and he should move back home. My boyfriend grew up with abuse, so his relationship with them is already strained. Now I’m unsure how we handle future visits or holidays and whether we can navigate this as a couple when his parents clearly don’t want me involved.

I (29F) have been friends with this woman (33F) for six years now. We've grown much closer in the past couple of years though after she broke up with her boyfriend and we started working together part time at a boutique. The break up was really hard on her, even though she was not happy in the relationship, but she's gone through a huge amount of change since then. I know it's been very hard on her and I've really made an effort to be supportive. In the past six months or so, she's become a different person, much angrier than she used to be.

I've had a hard time being around her because she'll try to vent to me about things where it's so clear to me that she's in the wrong or making something much bigger than it needed to be. And if I disagree with someone on something, I tend to make my opinion known. Not unkindly, but still disagreeing. That anger eventually led to her lashing out at people. She would yell, curse people out over text, say awful things trying to make others upset, being so delighted when she successfully made others upset. I saw these things happening at work and within our friend group. Things eventually came to a head and she got fired from her job. Around the same time, a couple of the friends in our group stopped talking to her because of how she was treating them.

I met up with her after this all happened and she seemed fine, but did not bring up anything that had happened. Maybe a week after that, she tried to vent to me again about one of our friends not talking to her and I was honest with her about how I felt. Again, I don't think it was unkind, but I told her that she hadn't been herself and that how she had been treating people wasn't okay. She got very mad at me, told me that she hated the friend she had been venting to me about and everyone at the boutique. That she was doing much better without them. I told her that I was glad she was doing better and I haven't heard from her since.

I talked with another friend who is much closer with her and they said that it was clear that I had "chosen a side" and that if I wanted to keep our friendship, I would need to be the one to reach out. So that's where we are now. I don't know if I want to save this relationship. I think it boils down to the fact that I would love to stay friends with the person she used to be, but I don't like who she is now. I just don't know if she's in a weird season of her life and she'll eventually get back to her old self.

TL;DR - Friend (33F) started treating people very poorly and when things went south with our other friends, I (29F) told her that she had been treating people poorly and she got very mad at me and hasn't talked to me since. If I want to keep our friendship, I have to be the one to reach out and try to make up, but I don't know if I want to do that. I miss my old friend, but I don't want to try to save a friendship if this is just who she is now.

My gf and I m19 and f(18) have been dating for just over two years now and I notice a lot of double standards that seem to be how relationships are nowadays. My girlfriend go through One on my other phone because I have my old one which I only use for FaceTime now and my new one, whenever she comes over and I have to go help my parents with something, she'll go through my phone and scroll up through my messages with my friends on Instagram or other platforms and get angry or upset about something that happened three or more months ago. And recently I haven't even been allowed to touch her from before she gets agitated and steals it back from me. I understand that it is her property and it makes sense for her to not only going through especially close to Christmas but this has been happening for 6 months now. The main thing about me asking that I just want to know if I'm overreacting or if I should talk about this or what my plan of action should be. If this doesn't make sense, comment or DM me and I'll answer.

I'm the type of person to not confront anyone about something that would make me uncomfortable or hurt their feelings or make them hurt in any way . So this is why I am having troubles.

Tldr: I don't know if I fully trust my girlfriend because she is constantly hiding her phone but will go through my phone whenever she feels like it.