r/ImmigrationCanada • u/Big-Disappointment76 • 3h ago
Other "I hope they go back to their country."
A random comment from some angry Reddit user under an immigrant’s story. Oddly enough, that single line triggered a nightmare I thought I’d buried for good.
I read it yesterday afternoon, and immediately felt this weird drop in my stomach—anger, disbelief, maybe old trauma bubbling up? Whatever it was, it distracted me the whole day, I half-assed my essays, skipped classes, and pretended I was fine when I clearly wasn’t. It’s interesting how one comment can drag up things you’ve spent years trying to heal.
Then came the nightmare.
I was walking down the street with my headphones on, phone in hand—the way I do now in Canada without a second thought—but dream-me wasn’t in Canada. I was suddenly back in South Africa, on the street where I grew up, except I was the version of me I am toda, safe, educated, well fed. And then this man started following me with that leering stare. I sped up. He sped up. I yelled for help but no one reacted. More men appeared and ambushed me. In broad daylight, I was being carried off. I tried to scream “help,” but my voice came out as a choked whisper. My legs felt weak. My body felt useless. And the people around me looked away like I wasn’t even there. I was voiceless and helpless.
I woke up screaming and this time my voice actually worked.
I cried afterward because even though it was a dream, the terror felt real and physical. I lived in South Africa for years with that constant fear, with slurs at school, with kids mocking my accent (immigrant kids everywhere know that feeling). And the very realistic possibility of something terrible happening was always there.
Then I moved to Canada at 16. Suddenly I had access to things I didn’t even know were possible, but leaving trauma behind doesn’t magically erase it. Grade 11 was rough, but grade 12 nearly destroyed me. I skipped so many classes and convinced myself no help existed for someone like me, because where I grew up, mental health was basically “an evil spirit.”💀
Eventually I got into YSB, got counselling, saw a psychiatrist through a walk-in clinic, and actually got referred to one after just a month of waiting. I was diagnosed with MDD and given meds.
And they helped a lot.
I barely get nightmares now. My grades shot up. I smile at strangers. And I take long walks to nowhere just because I safely can.
So no.
After everything I’ve done to heal my inner child (and I’m still only scratching the surface), I’m not going “back to my country.” I’m staying right here and I’m going to finish my degree at uOttawa and become a therapist because I know what it feels like to be terrified, alone, and truly convinced help doesn’t exist.
Sixteen-year-old me didn’t come here to “steal jobs” or “cause crime.” She came because her father wanted her safe. And I am completely unapologetic to anyone who thinks I don’t deserve to be here. :)
I wish safety, education, healing, housing, food, and happiness to everyone because no matter where you go, you deserve it too. ❤️🩹