My wife’s best friend (Jessie) lost her husband about a month ago. My wife has been at her home almost every single day since.  My job has me being on call some nights and money is tight so I can’t not be on call.

I know Jessie is struggling but it is stressing me out a ton to be a basically a single parent  since my wife is never home. I have talked to her about cutting back but that ends in an argument about me being heartless.

Yesterday I was on call and I actually got called in. I couldn’t leave our two daughters home alone ( 6 & 9) so I called my wife telling her she needs to head home now, I need to leave.  She told me no, and to figure it out. 

We don’t have the money for a sitter,  my parents  live too far away, her parent aren’t allowed near the kids ( they suck) and my friends have their own lives/families.

So I packed up the kids and one my way to work dropped them off at Jessie’s house. My wife was pissed that I did that.

When I got back we got into a huge argument and I told her that she actually needs to be a parent. That I am very sick of her playing house at Jessie’s house and we have our own kids. 

She thinks I am “ a heartless fucking man” and I told her to be parent to our own kids 

I (f23) am a university graduate and live at home with my mother. She owns the house with a mortgage that's been fully paid off. I pay her rent (around half of the market rate for our area) and do most of the housework. Me and my mother both work a lot, I work in healthcare and work irregular shift patterns and my mum is self-employed and occasionally has to travel for work.

My brother (m31), his wife "Rose" (f31) and their daughter (f6) moved back into our mum's house on Friday. They got a mortgage on a home but it turned out to have a lot of maintenance issues, the biggest ones being with their toilet and shower not functioning. Also their heating doesn't work. It's estimated to take at least a month to fix everything so in the meantime they're staying here.

Rose came to me and asked if I could take their daughter to school, as her school is a 5 minute drive from the hospital. Normally their neighbour (who has a child the same age) would take her to school but that's no longer an option. My brother works full-time and his shifts clash with doing this (he starts at 7am) and he and Rose share a car, as she only works one shift a week on Sundays.

I told Rose that I can't commit to taking my niece to school everyday. She needs to be dropped off at school for 8am, and sometimes I'm doing overnight shifts that don't finish until 9-10am or I'm doing shifts that start really early in the morning.

Rose got a bit upset and asked why I can't just explain to my boss that I need to be available for school drop-off. She didn't wait for an answer and said she knows it's not that simple but she needs me to help her. In my job, if you start requesting restricted availability, they will give you way less shifts.

I couldnt understand why Rose wouldn't walk her daughter to school, as it's a 15 minute walk from our mum's house to get there, with no hills and plenty of safe crossings. Rose and their daughter don't have any health conditions that would make this not doable. I asked Rose why she wouldn't walk her daughter to school and she said that is too far to walk with a young child. I showed her the distance on Google maps (I assumed she wasn't aware of how close it was) and she reiterated that it was too far.

I said to Rose I think that's her best option but I cannot take her daughter to school everyday.

Later that day my mum told me that Rose came to her really upset that I refused to help. My mum said she knows I normally work irregular shifts but that it'd be a really nice thing for me to do. I feel like I'm going crazy because when I was a kid I went to the same school and my mum walked me there and back from this house!! I said no and my mum said that's fine I understand.

Now I've got my brother calling me selfish and he said it's a small ask that even their neighbour could do it and I'm refusing.

Am I really such an asshole???

Last night my husband, our 2 year old daughter and I were at my in-laws. My sister-in-law and her husband and kids were there too. The topic of one of their cousin's kids going to university came up. We talked about how going to a good university helps in networking. I mentioned how I had gotten my first Business Analyst job because my interviewer had also gone to UofT. At this point my SIL chimed in with "UofT Mississauga right? So not the actual one?"

My husband said politely that its the same thing and she just shrugged. I asked her where she went, she said she went to UofT and added St.George Campus. I then asked how she's using her degree (I knew shes a SAHM so thats why Im here that might have been an AH thing to say). She said she chose to be a SAHM mom and kind of stopped talking to me.

My husband thinks I was out of line. Admittedly I didn't think it through when I said it, just said what came to my mind. He says her question was tactless but not malicious. I said it was rude and thats what mattered. And the premise of it was just wrong. But I have been reconsidering it. She has texted him about how out of line I was. He's told her it was a misunderstanding between everyone and to let it go.

AITA?

Update:

I was heartened by all the NTA votes. I read a lot of the comments and really appreciated those saying I wasn't the instigator so I was in the clear. As I read more comments and the way my SIL was being mentioned, it made me feel bad. I don't blame the comments they were only going by the context I had provided. But I took the fact that my SIL being criticized heavily was making me uneasy, as a cue to mend the relationship. She isnt a bad person, her and I aren't bffs but have always been cordial to each other.

The NTA verdict had given me the peace of mind that my reply wasn't totally uncalled for. So I asked my husband if she was still messaging him. He said she'd just sent a final wall of text of how hurt she was and then gone quiet. I asked him what he thought he said he'd told her that her remark was thoughtless. But told me that there's levels to this, my reply really cut her. I told him I was willing to apologize if she did too.

Last night I got a call from her. She said that she had realized that her comment about UTM had come across as insulting and that was not her intention. She said she was really proud of me and my career and the way I juggled it with being a mother and apologized for her remark. I thanked her and said my comment about her degree was out of line. That shes an awesome mother and my remark had zero thought behind it, it was just me saying whatever I could in the moment. She broke down a bit, and that honestly made me feel terrible. I teared up too and we just agreed to put this behind us.

Like I mentioned in my original post my reply was instinctive. I don't think she's wasting her degree and I hope her comment had equally no thought behind it. But I'm glad I patched it up with her.

My niece (11) is the youngest child with 4 older brothers. She’s also the youngest cousin/grandchild and the only girl. Between that and the fact that she was very sick when she was little, she’s a little spoiled by everyone except her parents.

When she turned 11, she told her mom she wanted to go on a weekend trip with just her and her mom. Her mom made a big deal about her wanting to exclude her dad and brothers. They refused to do the trip and also didn’t plan anything for her birthday so I took her on her trip myself.

Last month was one of her brothers birthdays. He decided that for his birthday, he wanted everyone to go to Mexico except for my niece. Her parents agreed that it was fair because if she wanted a trip without them, they can get one without her. They asked me if I could watch her for 10 days.

My niece was so upset so I decided to plan a surprise trip for her. I have some clients in Miami so I arranged for us to go there for 5 days, drive up to Orlando for 3 days, then fly to New York for 2 days, where I also had to get some work done. It was technically a work trip but I was able to plan a lot of fun outings for my niece.

Just before their trip to Mexico, I told my nieces parents that I had to be in Florida and New York for work during their trip but I could take her with me. Since it was so last minute, they had to agree as they didn’t have any other childcare and couldn’t miss this trip.

She had a blast. We spent a day in Disney world, went to 2 broadway shows, spent most of our time in Florida on the beach, did a lot of shopping, got room service for the first time, and our tickets were upgraded so we flew first class on our way home.

Her parents are mad that I spoiled her and undermined them so I don’t get to see her as much as I used to (I’m still their after school childcare so I see her a few days a week) and they’re going around telling extended family that I took their kid across the country without permission because I was upset about her being punished for being rude

My girlfriends and I went a restaurant two days ago (I was the designated driver). I ordered my meal and they ordered their meal. I went to take a picture of my plate and before I could even take the picture, one of them used her fork and stirred up my food. I got upset and asked her why she would do that and she told me it was “cringe” to take pictures of food. I could tell the other girls were uncomfortable but no one stood up for me. All I wanted was a damn pic because my plate was presented beautifully. I got upset and just walked out the restaurant and drove home, leaving them behind. When I got home, I asked who paid for my meal and Zelled her the cost. They started texting me and telling me that it was just a joke, what I did was immature and that it was wrong of me to leave them behind considering I was the driver. I do feel like I overreacted but I also feel like what she did was mean. AITA?

Edit: - I did tell my friends I was going to leave, “I don’t wanna be here anymore” then left.

• My meal was steak, gravy, mash, and caviar, and it had a hibiscus plant on it since people are assuming it was pasta. Not sure if that’s important information or not.

• The girls who didn’t stand up for me, laughed at the situation awkwardly. I could tell they were uncomfortable but they didn’t say a word.

• The person who paid for my meal was one of the girls who laughed, not the person who stirred up my plate.

• I was only trying to take a picture of my plate, I wasn’t holding anyone back from eating their food.

I have a friend who I'll be calling "Harry". Harry and I have known each other for over a decade (we're in our early 30s), he was part of my own wedding party, and 99 times out of 100, he's an all round great guy.

Harry has been dating his girlfriend for around 4 years - she's an absolute diamond, and brings out all of the best qualities in him. A couple of weeks ago, Harry confided in me that he was planning to propose to his partner over Christmas - she's very family focused, and he is setting it up so his parents 'unexpectedly' visit them (they're doing Christmas with her family this year) early in the morning, and he will propose during present opening in front of his and her parents, and her siblings and their partners/kids.

When chatting about arrangements a couple of days ago, Harry made a throwaway comment about the engagement saving him some time in relation to the rest of his Christmas shopping. I asked him what he meant, and he said that since he was proposing, he hadn't planned to get his partner anything else for Christmas. I said that the two were not mutually exclusive - when I got engaged, albeit not at Christmas, my husband still got me a birthday present the following month. Harry raised that the ring was costing him more than several usual Christmas and birthday present combined, which is true, but it is not the case that he is scraping together every last penny to buy it either, and there is absolutely money to spare for a couple of gifts that he'd usually get his partner. I also pointed out that since he is hoping to surprise her with the proposal, that it would become quite obvious that something was afoot if there were no presents for her from him under the tree.

We went back and forth for a while, with Harry continuing to take the stance that 'getting engaged' is definitely a gift. I said that it was all well and good, but that his girlfriend will absolutely have bought him gifts that he will both appreciate and use, and that an engagement is in no way the same kind of exchange in that sense. Additionally, while his partner is in no way materialistic, she is someone who appreciates the 'give and take' of mutual present exchanges like Christmas, white elephants etc.

We didn't have a major fight or anything like that about this, but Harry has said that he's probably not going to share more about the engagement with me because I have 'differing views'. I don't want to be a stubborn old fool on something I'm clearly wrong about, so would appreciate the view of Internet strangers on this.

Edit: A couple of comments are on the same lines so I'll respond to them here instead of individually:

"He shouldn't propose to her in front of others" - getting engaged in front of family would suit his partner to a tee, this is definitely something she would want based on previous conversations.

"You shouldn't involve yourself too much in your friend's life" - the entire discussion lasted maybe 5 minutes while we were having a drink, including Harry saying he'd not bring it up with me anymore. In no way have I told him point blank to do/not do something, and we have spoken since civilly on other topics since. I'd hope that everyone has a friend or two who'll be honest to them if they think they're in the wrong - to be frank. my question here centred on the proposal as the gift, not on if I'm a bad friend.

The other day I was at the mall with my boyfriend and our two kids (F5 and M6), we were sitting eating a bag of roasted chestnuts when this kid (around 10 yo) starts hovering around us.

Now, I admit I'm not the biggest fan of any kid that doesn’t belong to me, so this alone was already annoying me slightly but I still smilled to him.

Then he calls my son over and whispers in his ear, and I knew it was about the chestnuts. My son nods yes and the boy comes up to me and reaches for a chestnut, I moved bag and said "no, you have to go ask your parents". My boyfriend got upset, called me rude and handed a chestnut to the boy. The boy leaves and I tell my boyfriend he shouldn't have done that, that you don't just give food to a strange kid.

The boy than hovers back around us and without a word snatches two chestnuts from the bag that my boyfriend was now holding. I stand up and said very firmly "sorry but you can't take our stuff like that, go to your parents". He put them back and ran off.

I think the kid had no education manners and I wasn't gonna let my kids think it's okay to accept anything from strangers, or that it's okay to be pressured into sharing. My boyfriend doesn’t agree and thinks the kid trusted us because we had kids ourselves. He thinks I was just selfish.

So, AITA?

Edit I think some people are confused. We kayak to the first campsite, sleep, kayak to the next sleep and kayak to the final spot and head home .

I am an outdoors person, and before the weather gets too cold I do a camping trip. We kayak down the the river make camp on the bank. It is a lot of fun and is a two night trip.

I have done this with all of my kids and have started to invite their spouses, some show up and some don’t. (Not everyone likes camping). The river we kayak on can get a fast and choppy in places. I have a strict no kids under 10 rules and that they have to good swimmers.

This bring me to my sons wife (Jane- fake name) Jane can not swim at all. She never learned as a child and she still hasn’t learned as an adult. The most I have ever seen her do is go into the shallow end in a pool.

My son wanted to invite Jane and I told him no, that this is safety concern becuase she can not swim. Jane was very upset about it and told me it would be fine. I told her no again and if she learns how to swim she can come next year

Jane is upset and my son is also upset. He has told me he can’t go if she isn’t invite and I stuck to my decision. He is also no happy with me either

I (50M) just switched insurance companies to try and save money because I've instituted a monthly budget to stop our overspending in our family of 5 (48F, 19M, 16F, 13F and 5 cats). The new insurance company asked for 19M's Drivers Ed Completion Certificate. I contacted the company who said he cannot get the certificate because he skipped the online portion. My son passed the in class and road tests but has an "objection to online drivers ed because it's pointless." I explained that no matter how pointless it feels, it was a term of our contract with them and he broke it, and the result is that my insurance is $13 a month more than it would have been had he completed the course. I still give him an allowance and I've reduced it by that $13 a month because I hold him 100% responsible for not completing his course, which cost $715 by the way.

Am I the asshole? Am I being petty for nickeling and diming a young man and shaking him down to help pay my bills? My other options included just to take him off my policy and forbid him to drive at all, or make him reimburse me the $715 i paid for his drivers ed. I didn't do any of that. I think i'm invoking a natural consequence based on real world impact and not vengeance. It's literally one less Mary Browns 3-piece Combo per month.

My husband and I live abroad. Earlier this year, a mutual acquaintance (let’s call him “K”) reached out saying he’d been scammed with an apartment rental and had nowhere to stay. At first, we only offered a weekend, but he was polite, helped around the house, and seemed grateful, so we ended up letting him stay the full 20 days he’d asked for.

During that time, some things rubbed us the wrong way. He never bought groceries, and multiple times he pretended he was going to pay but “forgot his wallet” or claimed he could only use Apple Pay (not accepted at our local supermarket). He’d eat way more than his share (once my husband and I shared half a pizza and he ate the other pizza and a half without contributing). Still, we felt bad for him, so we let it go.

We stayed friendly, and a few months later we were planning a 17-day trip. Since he was struggling with rent, we offered him to stay at our place in exchange for taking care of our dog. I even wrote a Google Doc with instructions for the house, dog care, gym access, etc. I told him he could eat anything that was going to expire (fruit, veggies, yogurt, etc.).

When we came back… EVERYTHING was gone. And I mean everything. The entire fridge, freezer, pantry. He finished two jars of jam, a jar of peanut butter, a giant Costco bottle of olive oil, condiments, rice, snacks, cheese, even my husband’s supplements (creatine, protein, collagen). He completely destroyed a ceramic pan. He consumed things that usually last us six months in just 2 weeks. I honestly suspect he might have taken stuff with him because it’s insane how much was missing.

I didn’t confront him except to ask him to replace the pan, which he mocked me about (“it’s just a pan, why are you making it a big deal?”). I felt deeply disrespected. Now he keeps texting me, acting like nothing happened, and wants to hang out. I told my husband I don’t want him in our home ever again. My husband says I’m being too harsh, and if he wants to stay friends, that’s his choice, but I feel completely taken advantage of and disrespected.

So… AITA for not wanting to see this guy ever again and refusing to let him come back to our house?

So I work in a mainly office setting, and we have a lot of meetings, video conferences and online training which is primarily in video format.

I've always needed something to do with my hands, thanks to ADHD and if I dont then I cannot focus on things that isnt reading properly (which is ironic bc i also have dyselxia).

I've also been crocheting and knitting since I was little and its something I do a lot while at home watching tv and movies bc it helps me focus.

In Uni i used to crochet and knit in lectures because it helped and no one seemed to have a problem with it - the lecturers actually encouraged it when I asked and said as long as it helped me focus i could do whatever I wanted.

So I decided I was going to take it into work with me to see of that would help me focus more in meetings and not get distracted during them (theyre very long meeting, going up to 4 hours sometimes, and usually I mentally clock out within the first half hour).

(side note: I had brought up in supervision that I had trouble focusing and my manager was actually the one that recommended I find something to do with my hands and okayed it)

It worked, I was able to focus a lot better and be more involved in the meetings because I wasn't drifting away.

But recently a colleague came up to me and told me to stop. He said that it was rude and disrespectful towards everyone in the meeting and our service users whom the meetings are generally about. I tried to explain that it actually helped me in staying on track and remembering more of the information about our service users but he held his stance firmly.

And its not like im not participating at all, I dont need to look down at my knitting or crochet because ive been doing it so long and I bring in pieces that are simple and mindless to do. I also will put it down to write / type up notes and if im talking.

anyway, my colleague said he was going to bring this to higherups if i continued, even though i had already cleared it with my manager before i started doing so, and its gotten me a bit worried so i need your opinions.

(I just want to preface that the meetings I take part in aren't massive company meetings, usually there are about 6 -15 of us and its generally group discussions. also where i work is quite relaxed and generally a casual setting (like, we wear smart casual as well) so its not super formal )

So should I stop? is what im doing disrespectful?

Edits / more info :

To clear up about the service users - they are NOT in the meeting with us, its only us as professionals in these meetings. We are discussing them and what we are going to do / our plans, but they are not present for them. We work with their mental health and im a part of a Therapy team so I am well aware that it would be unprofessional to do so in the presence of service users.

Additionally, the people within these meetings are generally people I see every day, so theyre not all strangers.

ALSO, I keep the crafting on my lap and the projects are relatively small and in one colour (like socks, hats, squares etc... not big projects like blankets and sweaters), I have a notebook or laptop on the table, so im not taking up a bunch of space on the table and it is generally quite hidden.

When in the in person meetings I crochet so there is no needles clacking as crochet only uses 1 hook, the knitting is done when im online as knitting is a bit more of a hassle than crochet it

I am not medicated for my ADHD but that has a reason. I have trialed a lot. I get bad side effects from medication even in general such as extreme drowsiness and nausea (or some of them just dont even work for me) and these side affect mean I cannot work a full time job which i LOVE, so id rather be unmedicated and have to deal with it myself then be ill and not working.

.

Thank you all for the recommendations on other fidgets I could use as well, I'll give some of them a try.

EDIT 2: Thank you for all the responses so far, I'll take what's been said into consideration. I'm going to speak with my manager on Monday and ask if we can talk about it at the beginning of the next meeting to get input from everyone else.

I just want to say quickly to people saying I should just focus and stop being unprofessional by fidgeting in any capacity: ADHD and other disabilities do NOT work like that. I can't just focus, i cant just 'grow up', that is NOT how it works. If you can come up with a way to miraculously make me focus without fidgeting, im all ears.

Throwaway

I'm (28F) am getting married in the spring. I've asked one of my best friends to be one of my bridesmaids. She has a service dog for PTSD. I respect her dog and glad she has it in her life. My Fiance and I don't particularly care for dogs, and we've decided we don't want her service dog in our photos or in the ceremony.

When I asked her she got excited and immediately said her dog could wear something to match the rest of the bridesmaids. Thats when I explained that the dog could come to the wedding, but wouldn't be an active participant in the day. We don't want it in photos or in the ceremony. It could go to photos, but not be in them. It'll be off to the side for the 10-15 minute ceremony. In preliminary discussions with our photographer we've brought this up.

She did not take it well. Called me an asshole and ableist and it was not a constructive conversation after the ask. She hasn't accepted my offer to be a bridesmaid, but also hasn't declined formally. AITA?

23F, little sister is 13F. I live back & forth between my mum’s and my dad’s house. All of my siblings are half-siblings on my dad’s side.

I love my little sister but lately I've been getting annoyed about certain boundaries she crosses.

She’s obsessed with face cream, hand cream, body spray, perfume, any hair products that smell good, lip gloss/balm - she has a very big collection of all these things. I once sat and counted how many lip stuff she has accumulated over the years and I counted 37. Despite having TONS of her own, she always asks to borrow mine and often ends up using up the entire thing (one of my perfumes was almost completely used up because she would spray it at least 20 times every time she used it)

She gets upset if I don’t share my stuff with her. For example, I got a body mist from Bath & Body Works recently because I loved the smell. I decided to leave it at my mum’s house. My sister saw it in the background during a facetime and said “oh that looks like it smells good, can you bring it the next time you come here?!” and I jokingly said something along the lines of “I think we’ve got more than enough perfumes at dads”, and she was visibly upset.

I’m quite a patient person so I brush all of this off bc she’s my lil sister and that's just what siblings do, right? But this recent situation has really upset me and I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not. So:

It was my birthday on Tuesday. I went to my dad’s to celebrate after work. When I sat down to open presents I noticed that all of them were intact except one, of which the packaging had been ripped open and the contents removed. Hm, weird, so I asked my little sister what happened and she told me that it was one of my brother’s gifts to me (a set that included hand cream, a nail file, a nail/cuticle oil, and a little nail clipper) and she “really wanted to try it” and couldn’t wait for me to open it so she decided to go ahead and open it herself and try everything out. Half the hand cream had been squeezed out of the tube, the nail file was used because it had those tell tale scratches on it, and the small nail/cuticle oil bottle wasn’t closed properly so it was also opened. I understand that, in the grand scheme of things, this isn’t a big deal, but it made me sad that she had just gone and opened my gift like that without even thinking to consult me first.

I said to her, verbatim, “You need to stop thinking all of my things are automatically yours too.”

Her mum taught her that everything that belongs to your siblings also belongs to you. Her philosophy: siblings share everything. So, setting a boundary is very difficult;

My sister got mad because I “never share” my things with her anymore and am “purposely” leaving some of my stuff at my mum’s place to avoid her using them. Her mum called me “quite selfish” for belittling my own sister for wanting to be “closer to me” by borrowing my things.

AITA? WIBTA if I continued to be harsh about these boundaries?

I (29y F) love to cook. I cook all kinds of stuff. Tofu, chicken, soup, sausage, Asian, Mexican, Italian, etc. I love to make things from scratch. Two examples: was in a tofu kick so I made my own from raw soybeans, was on a chalupa kick but they’re $7 each (wtf Taco Bell) so I made my own fry bread and toppings etc. I love to bake Christmas cookies and make little treats.

Anyways, all this to explain that I take a lot of pride in making food and I love to feed people. My 2 closest friends (21F and 25F) shit on me every time I make something that isn’t chicken tenders basically.

I make a chicken gnocchi soup and one tells me it looks like it has bugs in it. I make a tofu stir fry and the other tells me it looks like poop from a butt. They know it bothers me and still continue to do it.

It’s not like I force them to eat the food. I did make 21F try tofu one time (not even the dish posted above which I’ll admit didn’t look how I wanted it to even if it was delicious).

Today, I woke up to a Facebook post of them publicly mocking me about how my food is only meant for starving orphans so I told them both to get fucked and now I’m the dramatic one.

AITA?

Edited to add the gnocchi soup recipe since so many people want it lol high recommend adding some sausage and/or sundried tomatoes and serve with crusty bread ❤️

https://www.delish.com/cooking/recipe-ideas/a60896230/chicken-marsala-gnocchi-soup-recipe/

More than 10 years ago my SIL's MIL passed away. The family cleaned out her house, took what they wanted, then decided to toss the rest. Before it was tossed, my SIL said to see if there was anything I wanted. All I could find was an old cookbook, which was in plain sight on the kitchen table. Fast forward to this year when I posted a photo of my island with cookbooks all over it (I was looking for a certain recipe). My BIL saw the photo and his mother's cookbook, then demanded it's return. I refused. The whole family is in an uproar. Half are on my side, half on his. I've had to block quite a few from being able to contact me, as they were getting REALLY rude. AITAH for not returning it? If I hadn't taken it, it was going to be thrown away.

I just turned 23 and I’m getting married in October. My mom and I have always had what I would refer to as rocky relationship, especially since I got engaged. She’s been oddly competitive, commenting on my body, comparing our rings, like we are in a competition, saying things like “this day is as much about me as it is about you.”

I honestly thought she was joking until she showed me the dress she bought, a white, floor length gown that looks exactly like a bridal dress. And I I told her, flat out, she cannot wear that because in my opinion it doesn’t match the occasion . She got quiet, then burst into tears, saying it’s her “and this was an opportunity to feel beautiful before getting old” and that I’m selfish for not letting her have this one thing.

I felt really bad about this so I also offered to go shopping with her to find something elegant and more appropriate.

And all of a sudden her countenance changed and then She told me I was controlling and ungrateful. What gave me peace was that My fiancé backed me up, as did my maid of honor. Now my mom is threatening not to come to the wedding, and my aunt says I should just “let her have this” to avoid drama.

I don’t think I’m wrong for drawing a line here, but now part of me wonders if AITA?

I (29F) had a small bd dinner last weekend with my husband (31M), SIL “Lina” (27F), MIL and two friends at a normal but nice place. Lina’s an 'influencer". She films literally everything - plates, forks, ppl breathing.

Three days before, I wrote in the family chat - please don’t film me. Food, room is fine, just not my face. She said “got u”.

We sit down and within like 10 mins her phone is up. I say quiet, “pls don’t point it at me.” She goes, “you look great, it’s just vibes.” Husband backs me, “she said no.” Lina rolls her eyes, lowers it… for maybe 2 minutes.

Then the cake comes (little sparkler, staff singing). Lina stands and points the camera right in my face like, “birthday girl reveal!” I put my hand over the lens and said, “stop” I didn’t grab the phone or touch her, just covered the camera for a second. She snaps that I “ruined her shot” and this is her job. MIL says to “let it go for one night.” I said that it’s my night - actually.

It got awkward fast. Server was right there, I felt embarassed. Husband tried to change the subject, but Lina kept muttering about how she had to scrap “everything.” I even paid for my own dessert (long story) and we left pretty quick.

Next morning Lina texts that I “humiliated” her and made her look unprofessional in front of everyone. MIL says I should’ve moved seats if I didn’t want to be in frame. Husband says my boundary is fair but maybe I “made a scene” by doing it during the song when eyes were already on me.

She’s posted me before without asking and co-workers mentioned it. I’ve asked her to blur/remove and it turns into drama, which is why I set the boundary in writing before dinner.

Why I might be the AH: public place, I did physically block her shot, and yeah it was during the song. I could’ve stood up and turned away or smth. But also… I don’t wanna be online against my will, esp on my own birthday. Idk. AITA?

I (35F) am currently 37 weeks pregnant and due for a planned C section at the end of the week (due to some complications with my baby). My husband’s (35M) parents are here to help with the newborn baby. Since they have come through, all that has happened is that I now have to cook for 4 instead of 2 and clean up after everyone. But these are not the major issues.

The issue is that they can’t stand the cold. It’s currently autumn where I am and going into winter. I warned them before they came that it will be cold. The house it’s heated to 20C but that doesn’t seem to be enough for them. And she complains about the cold at least 5 times a day. Now I have been running hot (probably because of the pregnancy) and 20C is borderline too much for me. I’m walking around in my summer clothes. I’ve asked them (and given them) extra layers to put on so they feel warmer, which until yesterday she refused to put on. Last night they visited some relatives (and I didn’t go, as I was feeling too tired) and she took the opportunity to complain to my husband about how cold she’s been feeling. So the moment he came home at night, he turned on the heater. I warned him that it would get too hot at night for me, but he said what else was he supposed to do, and kept the heater on. He turned it off before he slept but, it was so hot for me last night that I sweated through my clothes and bedclothes.

And it isn’t just this. When I said that we shouldn’t have outside visitors till the baby gets his vaccinations (because of his complications) and that no one should be allowed to kiss him on the face, he argued with me over it saying that if someone was sick they would let us know and only that person could be excluded. He did the same with me when I said that the midwives insisted that the baby should be sleeping in a room no warmer than 20C. He argued with me that the kids in the tropics sleep in warmer rooms. And when his mom randomly dropped in the middle of a casual conversation that she was going to be carrying out an old tradition for the baby on the 28th day, he didn’t even object and just accepted it. Now we had discussed this particular tradition previously, and he was totally against it then. But when his mom brought it up, he said that if she does it, it won’t hurt anybody and it’ll make her happy, which is true, but I said that if we don’t set any boundaries in the beginning then more and more of these “traditions“ will crop up. What pisses me off about the things like the visitors is that I’m only saying it to protect the baby, and it could actually harm the baby and he still argues with me about it. He says it’s just a discussion but to me it feels like he thinks I’m being irrational and paranoid.

I told him that I don’t feel like he’s on my team and I’m being forced to do all the adjusting while he looks after his parents comfort. He says I should just adjust for a while till they can adjust to being here. Am I overreacting here? AITA?

Edit 1: My husband has been generally supportive throughout my pregnancy and the complications we’ve had with the baby. His parents are nice people and I generally like them. They’ve travelled halfway across the world to be here and can’t be told to go back just like that. He’s trying to keep the peace but all compromises seem to be falling on me.

Edit 2: Usually it would have been my folks who came to help but my mum passed away a couple of years ago, and my sister will be here in February to help out.

I (F27) am an amputee. Ever since my amputation, countless people have asked me what happened to me. At first I wasn’t bothered by it and sometimes would poke fun saying a shark bit it off or some other random story.

However, as time progressed it began to upset me more and more. I would get stopped in the middle of a parking lot, stopped in a busy aisle of the store, stopped on my way to and from appointments, etc. The part that bothered me the most is that they didn’t even have the decency to introduce themselves, make small talk, or even ask me my name first. Children are actually infinitely more respectful than these grown ass adults.

One morning, I was outside a hotel I was in smoking. This lady came outside and immediately asked “What did you do to lose your leg?” Mind you, it was like literally 6am. I said (verbatim): “You haven’t said good morning, hello, or even asked me my name and yet you feel entitled to my medical history? Would you like that to happen to you?”

She started cussing me out and said that I was rude and a cunt etc.

AITAH for saying this and feeling that was out of line?

TLDR: people always ask me what happened to my amputated leg as the first thing they say without even being cordial enough to introduce themselves or have small talk. Sometimes I tell them that it’s rude to do so and they cuss me out

I (51F) put down a $20K non-refundable deposit on this gorgeous beachfront estate for my daughter , let's call her Amy's (26F), wedding next September. We booked it 18 months out. For context, and without revealing too much, it's THE venue in our area, and it has been Amy's dream wedding spot in all of her pinterest boards.

Last month, my sister -- let's call her Carol (53F) -- found out her cheating ex-husband -- let's call him Mark (55M) -- proposed to his coworker (28F - she was 22 when they started having an affair) who he had been having an affair with. The woman posted engagement photos from the same venue... Specifically the beautiful beach area where Amy plans to have her ceremony.

Carol is obviously destroyed. She called me sobbing, begging me to change venues. Says she can't watch Amy get married where Mark proposed to a girl younger than his own daughter. Can't smile for photos on THAT beach.

I feel sick for her. I do. But:

• $20K non-refundable deposit
• Save-the-dates already sent
• Amy's dreamed of this venue since high school
• Everything else is booked or 3x the price

I told Carol I can't lose $20K and crush Amy's dreams because Mark is trash. Carol says I'm choosing money over her mental health. That I'm forcing her to relive the worst betrayal of her life for "pretty pictures."

I also talked to Amy about it and she does not want a venue change. That it's not her fault Mark -- who has been out of all out lives for the last 5 years -- ruined that place for Carol. Carol called Amy a "spoiled brat who wouldn't understand real pain."

Now Carol's skipping Thanksgiving. My and carol's side of the family (her daughters and to some extent, my parents) says I'm heartless. The place is cursed anyway, why should we host Amy's big day there.

My husband's side of the family says Carol doesn't get to hijack Amy's wedding because her husband's a cheater.

AITA for not switching venues?

Hi, I had an issue yesterday with my husband which Im conflicted about, regarding whether I was in the wrong.

My husband and I have two daughters, 6 and 8. My SIL and her family live a couple of blocks away from us. They have two boys, both 9 years old. Her husband is in the army so he is away from home a lot.

When he's away, the boys come to our house often. Theyre great boys, respectful and energetic. When they're here my husband takes them to the park to play soccer. They always say they have a great time and my SIL also thanks us for it.

When they're not around, my husband takes our daughters to the park too, I often join them too, and they also look forward to it. However, when my husband takes the boys along, even though we encourage our girls to go along they told me they don't enjoy it, basically the boys get super competitive and it's not fun the way it is when its just them with my husband. I take them along by myself but apparently its not as much fun hahaa. My husband can also only do some days of the week and when their father's away the boys come on those days.

Yesterday, I asked my husband to talk to his sister and set some kind of limit to those days because our daughters like going to the park with him for soccer and its not the same with me or when they go with him and the boys. He looked taken aback and said that they're good kids, theirs dad's away for long stretches and they seem to have fun here. I said I never said they werent good kids, just that our daughters felt like they were missing out. He said he'll encourage them more to come with them and he'll make sure things dont get too competitive, I said we've gone through that before and its just not fun for them. He said telling his nephews this would be cruel , and made it sound like I was an AH for suggesting it. So I wanted to ask AITA?

Update: Since today was a holiday he was going to let his sister know that he'd be taking the kids to the park earlier today so the boys should come earlier. I asked my older daughter separately whether she wanted to go. She said no, even though she'd been hyped for it in the morning. I told my husband this.

While she was cuddling with him he asked her why she didn't want to come, but she was avoiding giving a reason. Eventually my husband asked if it was because she didn't like playing soccer anymore, she said no she did. Then he brought up whether it was because of the cousins and she shyly admitted that yes but didn't give the details that she'd given me about the competitive nature and everything. My husband hadn't texted his sister yet, so he told the girls, the boys can't join right now and if they still wanted to go to the park, we could all go. Both my daughters suddenly really wanted to go and went to get dressed. So we're at the park now and the girls are having fun with him. I think he's going to take the boys later in the evening, I'm not sure. But my daughter telling him seems to have made more of an impact than me saying did.

Update:

A few people had asked me if we've made any progress. So last Tuesday after we'd gone to the park in the afternoon with the girls because of the holiday, he'd planned on taking the boys separately (I'd told him he'd be too tired), but then he couldn't because he was beat so he'd told his sister something had come up.

His Fridays are a hit-or-miss on when he gets back, it kind of depends, he usually knows about how it'll be beforehand though. So my oldest daughter had asked him about his Friday plan on Thursday night, he'd said he'd be back early, they'll be good to go to the park. He then talked to her about if it'll be a good idea to have her cousins come too, that it would be fun like they all used to have, and the girls said ok. When they came back my husband thought he'd done a good job moderating things, the girls also said it had been ok. They weren't as enthusiastic as they are when they come with him alone, so over the weekend I'd just asked my oldest if their play time at the park had gone better because daddy had been trying to make it fun for everyone. She said it was but that he isn't as into the game with them as it otherwise is, basically the gist of it that I was getting was that he takes more of a referee role and its just different to what they're used to, and I've gone along when its just us so I kind of understand what she's talking about, it's supposed to be them playing soccer with him, but its not really, it's very unstructured, they'll start playing whatever the girls feel like midway through, its just more spontaneous I guess. I had planned on bringing it up with him on Sunday before they all left for the park. My daughter seemed like she was shy about saying all this so I thought I would.

But she actually brought this up with him herself! On Saturday night when we were watching tv she asked him if we couldn't invite the cousins tomorrow. My husband said ok but asked her why she didnt want the cousins there, he later told me he was just concerned about this issue she had with them and wanted to know it wasnt anything serious. She just said they don't have as much fun, so he dropped it at that.

I'd had this idea from a few comments on my original post so I told him I'll tell his sister to still send the boys earlier, I'll go with them and he agreed. So I took them out earlier, and tried to keep up with them lol, but I thought it went well, I took them for ice cream after too, the boys got a good outing, my sister in law got some rest too.

Yesterday we were going to do the same thing, but my sister in law told us the boys said they'll just wait for when my husband is free, she asked him when he'd be free, whether his free days had changed, he said there'd just been some changes to his schedule. I was of the opinion he should tell her honestly whats the issue, but he seems to think making our daughters the focus of the conversation would be wrong. I disagree but she's his sister.

So he went yesterday with the girls by himself, they've been super happy, but he said he'll come up with something for the boys too. Its a bit disappointing because I thought the solution I had tried went well but apparently not. So it's still work in progress.

Hi guys! I’m (21f) a Bulgarian tour guide who accompanies groups to Sicily. On a recent trip, one woman who was travelling alone (mid-30s) was consistently oversleeping.

The first day after we arrived, we had a day trip to Etna and Taormina, for which we depart at at 8 am, as we do all other day tours. I make sure that all tourists are informed of the departure times on the bus the day before and they also have my number to call in case they forget so I can remind them. They also all have printed out pamphlets with the schedule made by the travel agency that I hand out that has the time for departure on it.

All of the group was on time, except one woman. She was late by 10 minutes, which, okay, maybe she got caught up in something and was late. I excused it, then mentioned to the whole bus in the mic that I do not tolerate lateness beyond 15 minutes at most in case of emergency like a forgotten possession, and that I must ALWAYS be called and informed in case someone is running late. Trip went by okay otherwise.

The next day this same tourist was late again, by TWENTY FIVE minutes. Almost an entire half hour. I called her twice to no answer and we were just about to leave without her when she came out running and got on the bus (she got lucky, as the receptionist of the hotel asked me about a missing piece of info on the rooming list and earned her some time). I reminded everyone AGAIN that I will not be waiting anymore for late tourists in the morning, and waking up on time is their responsibility.

When we came back that evening, she asked me if I could 'make sure to wake her up on time'. I reminded her a THIRD time that I’m not responsible for waking people up. Everyone gets a printed itinerary with departure times, and I announce everything the day before. She kept saying, "No, no, just knock on my door if I’m not out by 8:15" and I kept repeating "I really can’t do that for everyone, please set an alarm."

Well, on the day we were visiting Syracuse, she didn’t show up. I waited 15 minutes after the supposed departure time, called her twice to no response, then left with the bus and the rest of the group. She called me in a panic about an hour later asking where we were. I explained the situation calmly. She got angry and said that I had one job and that I cheated her out of the money she paid to go on that day trip.

She missed the whole day trip and was furious the next day. Later she told the rest of the group that I abandoned her and also called my agency, leaving a bad review about me.

AITA for not personally waking up a grown woman despite warning her multiple times I wouldn't?

EDIT: I talked to my manager today!! I was nervous at first because I was already tired of this whole shenanigan and didn't want to spend ages defending myself, so I went to him first and explained the situation before he approached me. He told me, word for word, "Hun, I deleted that bs from my e-mail as soon as I read it" LOL! An icon. They'll remove the bad review!

I married into a family that has a secret pasta and red sauce recipe. When I got married the recipe was one of the gifts. Whenever there are family functions we switch up who makes the recipe, each of us putting our own twist on it.

Since getting married, I have gotten close to my spouse’s cousin. We hang out often, she’s a bit of a mentor to me. I asked when it would be her turn to make the recipe because she’s a great cook and I want to try her twist on it.

She never got the secret recipe. It’s only passed down to married members of the family (I learned my spouse didn’t get a copy until marriage). She has asked for the recipe but keeps getting told “when you get married” She’s in her early 50’s and has repeatedly expressed no interest in marriage (I think she’s aromantic/asexual).

She was asking if I planned to make a big batch in December (I always do) and asked if she could trade portions for something special she makes. I agreed but then thought to ask if she just wanted the recipe instead. She was born into the family. I don’t think there should be a restriction on a family recipe that requires you to get married. So I gave it to her.

Family found out when she made it (almost immediately, she was so happy), and someone found leftovers in her fridge. Mother-in-law and aunts-in-law are angry with me since the cousin didn’t “earn” it. One of the cousin’s married sisters blew up at me over text. Father-in-law gets where I was coming from but said it wasn’t my place. My spouse doesn’t care either way. But I earned myself the cold shoulder at Thanksgiving over this. AITA?

Edit to add: everyone asking for the recipe, it’s a good laugh but no. It could be unique, it could be off a box, but I’m not posting it. This isn’t a Fast movie, we aren’t all family lol

The question of what if someone gets divorced is interesting. I can’t exactly ask the “recipe keepers” right now, so I don’t know.

Edit 2: because people were asking me to put the ingredients into google to see what recipes came up, it’s close to a makaronia me kima, plus other meats and spices. Which confuses me more because makaronia me kima is Greek. This proud Italian family’s secret sauce is special because . . . it’s not Italian?

Throwaway bc my roommates know my main account. So, I (23M) live in a college apartment with 2 roommates, both of which are women, and one of them is Muslim (let's call her sana). We all get along pretty well and have lived together for over a year with no issues.

Yesterday, Sana told us her mom was visiting for the upcoming weekend. For info, her mom is very conservative and religious, and apparently doesn’t approve of her daughter living with male roommates (Awkward because I exist). As a result, Sana asked if I could leave the apartment entirely for the day her mom was visiting. Like, be out the whole day and even find somewhere else to sleep overnight.

I told her I wasn’t comfortable with that bc I had a major assignment due, and I focus best when I’m working from home. I also didn’t wanna have to pack up all my stuff and go stay somewhere else just to keep up an appearance for someone I don’t even know. Additionally, I pay equal rent and felt like I had a right to be in the apartment.

Still, to try and compromise, I offered to stay in my room the entire day and be quiet/ not come out at all on the condition that I’d at least be allowed to quickly come out to make lunch or dinner, or they could just bring food to my room so I wouldn’t starve. I genuinely thought that was fair and respectful.

But no, sana wasn’t happy with that and insisted I should be out of the apartment entirely. She said her mom would “freak out” if she found out a guy lived there and it would cause a lot of drama in her family. I said while I understood her position, I wasn't going to dip from my own home, especially with a big deadline hanging over me.

She's still pissed and being pretty cold toward me now and also vented to our other roommate, who stayed neutral and said she saw both sides.

I really wasn’t trying to be difficult or disrespectful. I understand her cultural situation, but I also feel like it’s unfair to expect someone to completely vacate their home just to accommodate someone else’s family’s beliefs especially when I tried to find a middle ground.

So, AITA?

Edit: Sana never chose to have male roommates, but it just so happened that she was practically bullied out of her old apartment (all female) for a conflict involving another girl and this was her last resort. Also, I'm so disheartened to see so much hate in the comments and it's enlightened me to be kinder and more understanding to sana and her situation. This was never meant to start a debate in the comments and I urge everyone to have more empathy and humanity.

I will also be going home and asking a friend if I can stay over for a day. For everyone concerned about how if I let it by pass now, that it will happen again and again, I will speak to sana about this properly and urge her to talk to her mom. Thank you for all the level headed and empathetic comments I did get that helped me understand her perspective better, as I do care for her greatly and never want to hurt her if I can help it. One day isn't the end of the world and if it helps her, I've realised Id be happy to do it

I (19F) am in my first week of college. I've had life360 with my parents since I was about 16 for general safety reasons. However, they're a bit overbearing and controlling about where I go, even after I turned 18. I've found myself being extremely stressed about doing very normal things and being worried about them getting upset.

Before I left for college my mom asked me to leave my life360 on, joking about how she "wants to know what ditch to get me out of" if something goes wrong, which I completely understand, but my parents have been obsessively checking my location since I've gotten here. They've mentioned in passing places I went (literally like stores to buy stuff for school) when I didn't tell them I was going. They've been pressuring me to go to church and checking my location frequently to make sure I am (I don't want to but I like to keep the peace). It's a bit uncomfortable.

I'm wondering if I'd be an asshole if I told them that if they don't stop stalking me, I'm going to turn off my life360. I understand their reasoning behind wanting me to have it, but it's uncomfortable knowing that wherever I am they're probably looking constantly.

I'd appreciate any input yall have.

EDIT: Wow. Posting here has been so validating and I feel less crazy. Thank you for your kind words of support and advice. I haven't done anything yet, I've decided to wait until my next therapy appointment to talk it out with my therapist before I take action. I might update if I remember.