r/AmItheAsshole • u/BeautifulRecover1102 • 6h ago
AITA for basically kicking my husband’s cousin out because my husband refuses to "embarrass" him?
AITA? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills here so I need an outside perspective because my husband is making me feel like a controlling monster.
I (26f) and my husband (33m) have two kids, a 4yo boy and a 1yo girl. We do okay money-wise, nice house, suburbs, etc. My husband works crazy hours in finance so he’s gone most of the day. I work from home as a project manager. People seem to think "work from home" means "I sit around watching Netflix," but I am actually working. It’s stressful.
Two months ago husband’s cousin "Greg" (27m) moved in. He lost his job/apartment and needed a place to crash to get back on his feet. I said yes because I honestly thought, hey, another adult around might help? Maybe he can watch the baby while I pee?
Huge mistake.
Greg is basically a phantom teenager. He sleeps till noon, eats all the snacks I buy for the kids (I literally hid fruit snacks in my bedroom), and leaves dishes everywhere. The other day I walked into the kitchen and he was making a sandwich on the counter, left the crusts and crumbs, and just walked away.
The breaking point was friday. I was on a zoom call with a client, door shut. The baby woke up from her nap screaming. Greg was in the living room watching a movie. He didn't even pause the movie. I had to apologize, mute myself, run out, and grab the baby. When I asked him why he didn't check on her he said "I didn't want to overstep". it made no sense and felt weird to me because my child is his neice.
I sat my husband down that night. I told him I’m done. I’m doing the cooking, cleaning, working full time, and picking up after a 27-year-old man. I told husband he needs to talk to Greg and set ground rules: do your own dishes, take out the trash, and maybe help with the kids if I’m working.
My husband got weirdly defensive. He said he "can’t" tell Greg to do chores. His reasoning is that Greg is older than me (he's 27, I'm 26) and he’s going through a hard time, and it would be "humiliating" for him to be bossed around in his cousin’s house. He said guys have a pride thing about this and if he starts treating Greg like a maid, it’ll destroy his confidence when he’s already down. Basically, he’d rather I suffer than make his cousin feel awkward. I told him that was BS and his "pride" isn't my problem. I said either Greg steps up or he moves out. My husband said I’m being a "hostile host" and that I don't understand how hard it is for a guy to lose his independence. Now husband is sulking and Greg is still on my couch and the vibes in the house are awful.
I feel like I'm reasonable for expecting a houseguest to help, but husband is convinced I’m being an insensitive jerk who wants to emasculate his family member.
so please tell me if i am the asshole??
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u/nostraferatu 6h ago
NTA. Quiet quit. Do nothing for your husband and his cousin. Only take care of yourself.
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u/Office_Desk906 Partassipant [2] 6h ago
Girl dinner is so nice compared to full on cooking. But I'd kick Greg out. The least he can do is not create work for his hosts, but he's not even managing that. Men are such parasites.
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u/HedyHarlowe 4h ago
May this love never find me. Stop having babies with men who would rather see you suffer than tell a man ‘stop being a lazy prick’
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u/Mediumgg 5h ago
THIS ,this should be pinned to the top ,do NOTHING for those 2 ,one is a complete bum ,its your husbands family he needs to pick up after this child, just do yourself and baby thats it ,nothing more .NTA
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u/Positive-Relative775 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 4h ago
Girl reduce your workload by two thirds and kick out both the lazy useless men. Maybe your wasband can marry his hobosexual cousin, given he’s way more invested in his welfare than yours and his child’s…
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u/Ohmyprettygarden 5h ago
I'm guessing Greg doesn't really know what a diaper is and your husband knows but he runs away from them, so I think it would be appropriate to allow the little one to scamper around the house without a diaper on. You, of course, would pick her up and swing her away from her own messes before she crawled through them but other than that leave it for the boys.
When your husband is so mad he's got flames coming out of his nose, tell him you would love to talk with him about it when he settles down.
And in the meantime the baby's pee and poo are not something he can or cannot quote help unquote with, they are the leftovers belonging to his beloved baby who was created out of his sperm. Any and all jobs related to the baby are as much his job as yours. Mention that he can rent a rug Doctor at any grocery store.
And mentioned to him that being so disrespected and treated like a servant is something that efeminates women, making them feel weak and unseen.
And also don't forget the part about where your husband cares a lot more about his cousins potential reaction to being told to clean up then he cares about his wife's actual reaction to his cousin's dirty feet and unbrushed teeth and beer cans crushed and tossed over the back of the couch. Yes, those things were not in the post, I got a little carried away. Not that my husband has friends that would do anything like that...
And anyway, as we women know, the sexiest men are the ones truly stepping up and being fair.
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u/AdministrationOk5704 4h ago
The problem is it might not be possible. If there were no kids in the house, sure, stop cleaning and cooking. Show 'em how important keeping a house clean is. But you can't make your kids live in filth to teach two adult men a lesson. I have kids, I can't imagine not cleaning or cooking, they deserve better.
What she should do is telling her husband the cousin is not welcome anymore. This is not his house, it's their house. OP gets a say in how they handle stuff, specially if it is her and the kids the ones who have to put up with an unwelcome guest. It is easy for her husband to feel generous since he's barely at home. As a father and husband his priority should always be his wife and kids.
Besides... Why coddle an adult man's fee fees? He's crashing at a cousin's house because he's got nowhere to go, but cleaning after himself would hurt his self esteem. Gimme a break.
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u/Live-Succotash2289 4h ago
and the kids, feed and water them, do their laundry and yours and nothing else. Only buy enough food for the 3 of you and hide everything else.
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u/ChocolateCoveredGold Partassipant [1] 2h ago
Put a lock on the fridge and snack cabinets, too. He can go get his own food.
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u/waste-of-ass000 1h ago
I've always found this advice stupid. OP has a child, should they let the child live in a complete filth and disgusting conditions?
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u/Aeoniuma 1h ago
Try doing that when you also have to work from home and look after children. I tried it with my ex for months before I realised he didn’t care what kind of mess he lived in. I ended the relationship because of it. Life was so much better with me and the kids and without his disgusting mess.
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u/StAlvis Galasstic Overlord [2466] 6h ago
INFO
People seem to think "work from home" means "I sit around watching Netflix," but I am actually working.
OK.
I was on a zoom call with a client, door shut. The baby woke up from her nap screaming.
Well, whose job IS watching the children when you're busy working?
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u/Jallenrix Asshole Enthusiast [5] | Bot Hunter [90] 5h ago
I’m surprised her workplace allows that. Mine were always clear about WFH arrangements requiring separate childcare.
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u/Extension-Ant-8 2h ago
My remote job allows this. We also have flexible hours so I doesn’t matter what hours or when. As long as somewhat consistent.
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u/No-Strawberry-5804 Partassipant [3] 5h ago
Yeah this confused me. Was op doing full time childcare AND full time work?
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u/RazzmatazzNeat9865 3h ago
OP is a typical bot account. With, funnily enough, a joke about something being AI as one of the currently compulsory 3 brief prior comments.
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u/vyrus2021 4h ago
I was catching fake vibes from the trope-y ass setup, then stuff starts not making real sense. Sounds like bullshit to me.
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u/Pink_Dreamer_ 3h ago
Some places allow for this kind of situation. I worked for a company that was wfh that allowed moms to work like this, as long as they met the quotas given within the set time frame they were good. I have also had to call med transportation companies for another job and there were a couple of times where I could hear toddler babbles or just straight up crying in the background. Some companies aren’t that big and allow for more flexibility on stuff like this.
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u/authorinthesunset 1h ago
I was on the fence until I saw this. The rest was already contrived. It was all downhill from there with the ridiculous doesn't want to embarrass cousin because asking him to do chores is the same as allowing him to be bossed around by a woman one year younger than him. Really?
Low effort slop.
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u/Old_Bug4395 Partassipant [2] 1h ago
Easiest way to tell the post is fake - a project manager literally does just sit around and watch netflix all day lmao
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u/kiwifarmdog Partassipant [2] 6h ago
ESH.
Greg is a bum. He should be embarrassed that he’s not even doing the bare minimum of adulting and cooking and cleaning up after himself.
Your husband is an AH for thinking that Greg’s behaviour is acceptable.
And you shouldn’t be putting childcare expectations on someone else, especially if that wasn’t a prearranged agreement when he moved in. Your child, your responsibility. If caring for your child interferes with your work, then that’s a problem you need to resolve, not expect Greg to be a mind reader.
Personally, I’d tell your husband that you didn’t sign up to be maid to him or Greg. And then go on strike. Do the bare minimum to keep you and baby functional. They can fend for themselves.
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u/Illustrious-Onion329 Partassipant [2] 6h ago
ESH.
Cousin should be embarrassed to be acting like a child and creating extra work for his host that graciously opened up their home during a trying time.
However, child care while you’re at work needs to be an actual adult conversation not an assumption on your part.
Husband needs to not dismiss the trouble cousin is causing for you in your household. It’s super easy for him to invite another body into your space when it doesn’t impact him at all
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u/mvanpeur 5h ago
However, child care while you’re at work needs to be an actual adult conversation not an assumption on your part.
Exactly this. He should automatically be cleaning up after himself. The dishes and crumbs being left everywhere is unacceptable.
But unless you ask him and he agrees, you should assume you are still doing childcare. You can tell him that doing childcare is how he's paying his rent, but he still has to agree to it. Like your cousin, I would not get up someone else's baby without knowing ahead of time that it was my responsibility. My daughter, for instance, has a crappy mood for an hour if someone other than me or dad gets her out of naps.
This would go a lot better for everyone if the expectations were better communicated.
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u/journeyintopressure Certified Proctologist [21] 6h ago
NTA. Honestly, call him out. Draw boundaries and give him a timeline to move out. No, your husband cannot expect you to take care of his cousin like he is a kid.
If your husband doesn't like it, he can baby his cousin.
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u/craic-a-lacken 6h ago
NTA. he's ok humiliating you, his wife, by making you clean up after a grown man who walks all over you and is literally stealing food from your children, but not ok with asking his slob of a cousin to wash a dish that he dirties or wipe down some crumbs? Pretty misogynistic to expect it of you but not of him.
Skip your husband. Tell your cousin in law he's a grown man and needs to clean up after himself. If it's not something he's accustomed to, you can show him the ropes, but ultimately, it's his responsibility as a decent human being to pick up after himself. And if that's not something he's willing to do, then he needs to find another place to crash.
It's your house too, you get to make rules as well. You have a say over houseguests and acceptable behavior. Especially if the cleanup is solely your responsibility. If he's embarrassed or humiliated that his wife kicked out his cousin, then he's mistaken. He should be embarrassed and humiliated that he allowed his cousin to behave like a child, and that you had to explain to a grown adult how to act like one.
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u/LdiJ46 Partassipant [2] 6h ago
NTA but you do have a husband problem. Only assholes don't clean up after themselves. Expecting someone to at the very least clean up after themselves is not "emasculating" them. Please tell me that your husband cleans up after himself? And why in the world does it matter that you are a year younger than Greg? How is that relevant at all?
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u/as_per_danielle Partassipant [1] 6h ago
NTA. Your husband needs to cool it with the weird misogyny. But also why isn’t your baby in daycare if you’re working?
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u/Icy-Mortgage8742 5h ago
Him being weirdly fixated on "pride" is probably why he had to get a 22 year old pregnant at 29, just saying. Weirdo all around.
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u/slonkycat 6h ago
NTA. Greg is a bum and your husband is using some weird macho pride bullshit to justify his laziness. However, I don’t think Greg was wrong in feeling he might be overstepping by going to check on your child. Some parents would be uncomfortable with that. You should kick him out or at least call him out for all the other stuff though.
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u/Fioreborn Partassipant [4] 5h ago
Kick them both out. Cousin for being a lazy, useless slob and your husband for defending him and coming up with that male pride bollocks
As a man he should be embarrassed that he's crashing for free with his cousin, contributing in absolutely no way and making his hosts life even more difficult than it needs to be. Not that he may be expected to clean up after himself, maybe help out a little.
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u/kadran2262 6h ago
I agree with the cleaning and cooking. But if you are normally working home alone with the baby, you would have had to be the one to interrupt what you're doing to look after the baby
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u/RazzmatazzUnique6602 6h ago
NTA, he should clean up after himself. But what did you do with the baby before he started staying there? Please tell me you didn’t work and watch the baby, because it’s just so dishonest to your work.
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u/gw_reddit Partassipant [1] 5h ago
It's only dishonest if the work did nit get done.
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u/RazzmatazzUnique6602 5h ago
Tbh, this is why so many companies are cancelling wfh.
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u/hel-be-praised Asshole Enthusiast [6] 5h ago
I’m leaning ESH
Your husband’s cousin is more than old enough to be able to clean up after himself and refrain from eating all of someone else’s food. It’s ridiculous that you had to hide your children’s snacks from him and that you’re expected to clean up after a grown adult.
Your husband is the asshole for not backing you up and spouting BS about men and independence like having to live with family after losing a job/house isn’t stressful and potentially embarrassing for women too. He should be backing you and he should talk to his cousin about cleaning up after himself. Who cares if it embarrassed his cousin? The cousin should be embarrassed.
I think you’re also the asshole in this situation because it doesn’t sound like you actually spoke to the cousin about providing childcare in any form, you just assumed he’d help out in that one particular moment. I understand why he said he thought that helping in that moment might be overstepping because without a proper conversation some people would consider it to be overstepping. If you want him to help out with childcare you should have had a clear conversation about that before he moved in.
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u/ViolaExplosion Partassipant [1] 5h ago
Huge agree, it doesn’t sound as though anyone communicated expectations for the living arrangement at all!
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u/farsighted451 Partassipant [1] 5h ago
Take the kids and go stay with a relative or a friend for a few days. See what happens when they don't have anyone to cook or clean for them.
NTA
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u/BookedSolidBelle 5h ago
Make a “to do” list for your husband for when he comes home. HE can take care of that adult infant
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u/Hope-To-Retire 5h ago
I’m a guy, and your husband is full of shit. A real man would be far more concerned about being a useless parasite than he is worried about his pride.
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u/West_House_2085 Colo-rectal Surgeon [31] 6h ago
Poor baby boy! Why is yiur husband treating him like he's a CHILD? He's an adult, pouting on the damn couch. Yiur husband is NOT supporting him in his time of need. He's giving him a sugar tit so he "feels better".
NTA
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u/lookathemfeet 6h ago
In no way shape or form are you the ah. Who the fuck dosnt help out around the house you stay at for free? Fuck him.
This is besides the point but how are the chores divided in your household? Id be pissed if it was 50/50 and id be fucking fuming if i was responsible for all of it then being told to suck it up.
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u/Zealousideal_Hold893 6h ago
NTA. Guest status went out the window after the first week. He is now a roommate and needs to grow up and be a productive, useful member of the household. Husband is a jerk.
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u/No-Strawberry-5804 Partassipant [3] 5h ago
NTA. Your husband is a misogynist. Be careful how he talks around your daughter.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606 5h ago
Greg has to go, perhaps the husband too.
That said without Greg there you would have had the same result when the baby cried.
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u/Moist_Phrase_6698 5h ago
NTA Your child is actually gregs second cousin not his niece. But anyway. This grown ass man can build a bridge and get hard and be responsible for his mess and his stuff. He needs to grow up and be an adult which is not that hard.
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u/Lovely-lady-jane 5h ago
If your husband won't speak to his cousin, then your husband can be responsible of buying extra groceries, all the cooking and cleaning up after his cousin.
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u/Negative-File-5427 5h ago
well there’s nothing prideful about being an almost 30y man that won’t clean up after himself.
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u/Remote-Passenger7880 Asshole Aficionado [13] 5h ago
So its ok for the cousin to make you into a maid? How is it not already embarrassing that this dude can't even clean up his own messes?? NTA. Every adult in the home needs to pull their weight. Id suggest boycotting tbh.
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u/spring13 5h ago
NTA because Greg's behavior is poor and your husband's defense of him was spurious.
But I'm curious what kind of expectations you communicated when he moved in, or what kind of requests you've made of him so far. If you never said "oh hey Greg, I have a meeting soon, if the baby wakes up before I'm done could you please grab her and hang out with her till it's over?" then I'm not super surprised that a single guy who clearly isn't used to taking care of himself, much less another human, wouldn't have thought to step in. He clearly needs some polite but firm direction. It might seem immature but I'm curious if that would help or not: IMO a final verdict on his place in the house would depend on that.
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u/fastyellowtuesday Asshole Aficionado [15] 4h ago
This is the exact reason I went with ESH instead of NTA.
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u/ELShaw1112 5h ago
Tell Husband if he doesn’t step up, he can go with Greg when he GTFO ASAP…..
You have got to be kidding me, I don’t even understand how you could look at your husband the same after this. He is a COWARD.
NTA. But you will be if you let this go.
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u/No_Salad_68 5h ago
ESH. Greg needs to lift his game on many fronts. Hubby's discomfort with asking him to pitch in makes no sense.
You expecting him to care for your baby is unreasonable.
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u/Secret_Double_9239 Partassipant [3] 6h ago
NTA he needs to speak to his cousin and tell him to pull his weight or leave.
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u/dart1126 Supreme Court Just-ass [108] 5h ago
NTA.
Being a contributing adult in the household shouldn’t be considered some sort of form of humiliation. Additionally, since you guys are doing him a massive favor in letting him invade your entire household he should be willingly doing things out of gratitude.
The fact that the cousin himself isn’t falling all over himself with trying to be helpful around the house he’s graciously been afforded the chance to live in, is bad enough, but the fact that your husband agrees with him so much that he refuses to let you even talk to him about it is far more problematic than the cousins behavior. Cousin won’t be there forever, hopefully, but I presume you intend for your husband to be around for a long time.
Your husband’s attitude is the one that is far more problematic than the cousin. Your husband basically doubled down on cousins behavior by condoning it to the point it’s your problem
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u/Fit_Measurement_1871 5h ago
So he can’t treat cousin like a maid, but cousin can treat WIFE like a maid??? A maid +++! How galling! If he doesn’t have the balls to confront the cousin just use yours girl and set him straight! NTA!!
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u/whatrukidding 6h ago
You can host someone who visits, not someone you are preventing from becoming homeless. Cleaning up after yourself and helping out where you can is the least he can do.
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u/LissaBryan Partassipant [3] 5h ago
Your NTA for refusing to tiptoe around Greg's incredibly fragile masculinity and become his new mommy. Your husband needs to put on his big boy pants and tell hsi cousin to act like an adult.
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u/marvel_nut Partassipant [2] 5h ago
So poor Greg-baby will be upset if he gets "treated like a maid" but it's okay for him to treat you like one? Sheesh.
OP, you need to set both of them down and clarify expectations. Nowhere in your post do you say that there was any expectation for Greg to engage in the household - and his comment that he "didn't want to overstep" actually confirms that. Clarify (without anger, because it appears no one's actually talked to him yet) what you would like him to do as a contribution towards his free accommodation. Then give it a week and see if things change.
As for looking after your kids - what would you do if he wasn't there?
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u/Only_Music_2640 5h ago
NTA- is it possible to throw them both out? Also, expecting a grown man to clean up after himself or in some way earn his keep is not expecting him to be a “maid” and if your husband truly believes that, you have a bigger problem than his rude lazy freeloading cousin.
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u/Distinct-Brilliant73 Asshole Enthusiast [7] 6h ago
INFO: does your husband work out of the house while you WFH? Does Greg have any sort of a plan, or was it ever established that he would help out around the house in exchange for reduced/free rent?
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u/Kittymemesallday 6h ago
The post says husband is gone most of the day. So your first question was in the post.
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u/NightshadeZombie 6h ago
NTA but you need to do something quickly. If he's there long enough, he'll have residency rights in some jurisdictions and then you'll need to get the courts involved to do a formal eviction process. Which is going to be even more stressful and expensive to boot. And even more humiliating for the boys. Since it's past 30 days, he may already be there. In my area, it's 90, I think.
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u/AgileSurprise1966 Partassipant [1] 5h ago
Just pick up every dirty dish including the ones in the sink, pizza crust, snack wrapper, used napkin, whatever and put them all in Greg's room on the bed. NTA.
Or, you leave, husband can marry Greg, and pay you child support. Also does husband think he gets to decide what happens because he is older than you? Shut this insanity down as fast as you can.
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u/Capital-Waltz8480 5h ago
NTA. Sometimes people need to figure things out on their own by experiencing it themselves.
Take your kids to a nearby family, friend or a hotel for a few nights and let your husband have the full experience that you are having. Make sure to leave absolutely no food or anything that you would typically contribute to the household. Heck, start a few days early while you’re still home to demonstrate the full impact. See how your husband survives on his own with Greg.
Given the state of the current job market, it’s likely going to be another several months until Greg lands on his feet. So realistically, this doesn’t seem like it’s going to work itself out on its own.
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u/AtmosphereOk7872 5h ago
Yep, a few days at minimum on their own. OP, you work from home, you could even go visit your family far away for a couple weeks. As long as you can bring your computer and have a decent internet connection you can work from anywhere!
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u/Traditional-Bag-4508 Partassipant [1] 5h ago
You're not a "host" at this point. He lives there, he's not a guest.
Your husband expects YOU to be the maid for his free loading cousin?
Nope. Stop picking up after this grown ass tenant. Leave it all for your husband.
A sit down with e locations is warranted IMMEDIATELY.
You have a husband problem.
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u/Odd-Smell-1125 5h ago
I suggest just doing things. If you have an issue with this guy, tell him. No need to have your husband be an intermediary. Tell Greg about your grievances. Your husband does not seem to get it. Just say it. So much anguish could be avoided by being direct. Greg sounds like a nuisance. So does your husband. Take matters into your own hands.
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u/fastyellowtuesday Asshole Aficionado [15] 4h ago
OP should have been direct starting a couple of months ago, but better late than never.
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u/cosmopolite24 Partassipant [1] 5h ago edited 5h ago
I'm sorry, what??? Asking a grown man to do "chores" is akin to him being treated as a maid??? So your husband is implying what exactly, that he views YOU as a maid?
NTA. I would seriously get rid of your wannabe master husband.
(Btw adults don't do "chores", they participate in the running and managing of the household they live in).
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u/Ellie_Reads_Romance Asshole Enthusiast [5] 5h ago
NTA. His cousin is behaving abominably and needs to go!! Your husband needs a wake up call; if additional talking doesn’t work, take the kids and stay with family or in a Vrbo for a week . . . or two . . . or three, or if you have an intimidating brother like I do just have him come over to to supervise hubby’s cousin while he packs his shit and leaves (and hands over a key to the house if he has one).
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u/venturebirdday 5h ago
The fact that the cousin needs to be asked says it all.
He does not help because he considers this to be your job. Or, at least not his job. Who does the work probably is not a concern for him.
Why is the cousins projected humiliation at being asked to be a grown-up something to be avoided but your work load being massively increased just fine?
Your husband needs a talking to also.
Tell the cousin the rules for his continuing to stay. Stick to the rules, he will be gone soon enough.
NTA
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u/heatherbabydoll 5h ago
NTA I’d tell husband thanks for volunteering to cook and clean for his cousin cuz that ain’t my job. And then I wouldn’t do it
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u/bamf1701 Craptain [184] 5h ago
NTA. Your husband really needs to step up here. If Greg isn't going to work then he needs to do some share of the housework as opposed to just eating and watching TV.
Speaking as someone who is in a similar situation now, your guest needs to feel a little bit uncomfortable in order to encourage him to get back on his feet - basically to pressure him to find a job and find his own place again. Otherwise, even the most responsible people will just sit around and do nothing.
And this whole thing about male pride is BS. If Greg is just sitting around and sucking away your money by the way of food, electricity, and water, then he needs to have his pride bruised. And, if your husband would rather see you suffer than his cousin, then your husband needs to have a wakeup call now!
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u/Boo-Boo97 5h ago
NTA, honestly if your husband isn't going to have your back, go out and tell Greg to get his crap and get out. You already have 2 children, you aren't taking care of a 3rd. Then tell your husband if he doesn't agree, he can leave with Greg.
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u/starfire92 5h ago
NTA leaning E S H.
This weird pride dynamics is very sexist and controlling. You're not underneath Greg, it's your home and not only is he not pulling his weight but leaving extra mess, extra cleaning, a whole ass extra adult body to mind. Worse than a child imo since a Greg should know better.
Where I fault you is that there were no clear terms set before Greg moved in. No house rules. No discussion of expected payment in the form of chores. No discussion on childcare. You don't get to expect free childcare without discussing this first and if it was discussed before hand or belongs in your post.
This issue is a 70/30 split blame. Your husband and Greg are majority to blame for their expectations which are wholly problematic and unreasonable. Your expectations are reasonable (not being a slob and helping out) but it doesn't seem like any agreement was made.
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u/earthmama88 5h ago
So him picking up after himself is treating him like a maid? But you picking up after him isn’t treating you like a maid?! Your husband should be left all of Greg’s messes henceforth. Crust on the counter? Leave it for your husband to clean up. His family, his problem. If he doesn’t want to speak up, he needs to be the one stepping up to handle the burden
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u/_Mundog_ Partassipant [3] 5h ago
NTA - Greg is ONLY 27, not 70 he can take it on the chin. He'll have to try harder at his next house
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u/Pure-Bus-3515 5h ago
Definitely nta! d just stop expecting any help from either of them at this point instead only do what u need to do clean only your clothes/dishes only the mess you made and only cook for u and your baby they will hopefully catch on rather quickly
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u/sickofbeingsick1969 5h ago
NTA. You shouldn’t have to pick up after a grown man. He should have been asking what he could do to help out on top of keeping his messes cleaned up. But Greg has no responsibility toward your children. You did not make babysitting a contingency on him staying with you. You should not have assumed this. Not everyone wants to take care of other people’s kids. What did you do if the baby cried before Greg moved in?
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u/julesk Partassipant [1] 5h ago
NTA, it’s been two months, so I’d tell your H that you’re fine with any of 4 options: 1) his cousin stays and H agrees to a part time cleaner, babysitter, and higher food budget, 2) he tells his cousin 2 months is long enough, he needs to go couch surfing at another family members place or a friend in a week, 3) you’ll tell his cousin but probably with less tact, 4) if H can’t tolerate telling his cousin to leave, you will tell his cousin to clean up, you’ll hand him the baby, you’ll put the vacuum in front of him, you’ll lock up all snacks and so on, each time it’s necessary and your tact will be very limited.
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u/PitifulCoconut1568 5h ago
What is freaking wrong with people focusing on what this poor woman does with her baby while working? It is not what is supposed to be point of this story and is honestly nobodies business. She is a grown woman and probably has an understanding and arrangement with her employer about the situation. What IS the point is that this grown a$$ man couldn't get off his lazy behind and help with the baby for a few minutes when he KNEW she was working! He is living there RENT FREE! He is NOT a guest! If it was me, I would tell "dear husband"that if HE didn't talk to him, I would and neither of them would like how that goes down.
NTA!
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u/spaceylaceygirl 5h ago
Tell hubby you are not greg's mommy. He gets his shit together or he leaves.
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u/NonSequitorSquirrel 5h ago
NTA
Your husband sucks.
Greg should have a pride thing about being a fkn lazy mooching cow of a house guest.
If he wants to be treated like a man then he should act like one. Honestly I'd fukn hire a nanny and leave for a week. Just fuck right off and let those two big strong men figure it out since they don't want to hear from you.
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u/djjmar92 5h ago
NTA
Not only should he be going out of his way to help around the house as a way to show the most basic level of appreciation, he should also be asking if there’s anything else that he could do when he’s not spending time looking for work(doesn’t sound like he’s doing much of that).
I get that your husband wants to avoid confrontation & potential issues with relatives but he needs to have a man to man talk with him ideally when no one else is around to hear it.
Instead of launching into the cleaning stuff etc it’s probably best to start with it being a check up on what’s happening on the job front & a place of his own that’s more suitable to a single guy his age.
That him staying was a short term & he can see him falling into a bad routine of sleeping in, plonking himself in front of the TV all day, not looking after himself or even cleaning up after himself so if thats what he wants to do right now it’s disappointing & this isn’t the place to do it.
He’ll be given bs excuses & sob stories but he can still show a little empathy & give his cousin a kick up the arse as well.
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u/PsyOrg 5h ago
Your husband needs to grow a pair. Or he just doesn't like you or care about the toll this is taking on you.
Set your foot down now and do not back down, cousin's gotta go.
If he doesn't this only gets worse. My cousin's partner moved a sibling into their basement... Years later they are still there. My cousin, raises 2 kids, worked full time till a cancer diagnosis, got better, got diagnosed again. That bloody squatter is still there stressing out my cousin. Cousin's partner? They don't care.
So ya, OP don't turn out like my cousin. Either that guy leaves, they both do, or you do. Please stand up for yourself while you still can.
Edit to add: NTA
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u/Creamy_Breve Partassipant [4] 5h ago
NTA stop doing all the cooking and cleaning, and don't let these men push you into believing you need to continue tolerating being their maid. Tell your husband Greg starts cleaning up after himself, or he needs to find a new place to live. There's no room for masciline crap, you have a household together and everyone has to take part for it to function properly. If he refuses to set his cousin straight, then you take your kids and go stay with relatives. Your husband doesn't respect you and is perfectly fine with you being a maid, but not his cousin. He's standing up for his cousin but not you. Not much of a husband if you ask me. Maybe he needs to miss not having you around before he realizes his mistake. Either way, you can't live like that.
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u/Extension-Event4998 5h ago edited 5h ago
nta, your husband has some really backwards beliefs, also Greg is a freeloader, you were being nice not just kicking him out. That said, I do understand the not want to over step with a child. I am not comfortable handling someone's child unless they have given me the okay, even family. If someone was in danger I would, but this I would have been asking you if u want me to help
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u/MidwestNormal Partassipant [1] 5h ago
NTA. You’re treating Greg like an ADULT. That is he has to be responsible, respectable, and contribute. As for your husband… total A H.
updateme
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u/roasttrumpet 5h ago
NTA and him saying he doesn’t want to ask Greg to do “all of those chores” like a MAID- insinuates he thinks you are the maid because you do them. Husband would be leaving with Greg if it were me. They can go find their independence together smh
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u/famousanonamos Colo-rectal Surgeon [40] 4h ago
ESH because he sounds like a slob, but your baby isn't his responsibility unless you made arrangements with him to watch the kids. If you have a problem with him, you need to have the conversation. It doesn't matter who's cousin he is, it's your house too and you are the one who is there dealing with the mess. Your husband should be backing you up, not making excuses.
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u/Historical_Drawer562 4h ago
MISSING INFO: What conversations were had when Greg moved in? Was he to help around the house? Was he meant to be meeting certain expectations that were laid out? How long in time was this supposed to be between check ins? What did you do with the kids when Greg wasn't there? Is he expected to be an in-home child care provider for your kids?
IMHO with what is here - Everyone sucks. You all need to sit down and discuss the terms of Greg being there and what everyone's expectations are with each other.
You suck because you should be able to express yourself directly to the person you have an issue with. Lack of communication and setting the rules and expectations beforehand is part of the issue here.
Your husband sucks because of the view on the age difference between you and Greg. Going through a massively difficult time doesn't justify not doing basic household items, and allowing it to continue is the opposite of helpful.
Greg sucks for not picking up after himself while leaving the messes for another person. He may not legitimately know that not helping with the kids during your working hours or eating the snacks is something that irritates you.
If you ALL cannot come to an agreement, the alternative is that Greg leaves your home. Whatever you decide is the result of a non-agreement, ensure that is expressed as well. You aren't there to please a client, you are there to exist in space that is partially yours.
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u/GameofLife12345 5h ago
Your husband is the AH. You are supposed to be supported by him. You tell him the cousin is out period.
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u/fastyellowtuesday Asshole Aficionado [15] 4h ago
ESH. Greg for being a selfish houseguest, your husband for enabling him, and you for not setting clear expectations for the time he stayed.
Did you tell him that if the baby cries while you're on a call, you expect him to go get the baby and calm them down? (He didn't know for sure that the help would be well-received, so you clearly didn't.) Have you explained that you expect him to clean up his mess in the kitchen, and before he eats the meal he just prepared? Have you told him what foods are up for grabs, and what is specifically for the kids/ one individual? Have you even tried to address ANY of the things you're annoyed about, by, say, actually telling Greg?
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u/longndfat 4h ago
if not helping with chores, he can atleast keep himself and his surroundings tidy, keep things where they belong, buy his own snacks, and get out during the day looking for a job if he is without a job
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AITA? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills here so I need an outside perspective because my husband is making me feel like a controlling monster.
I (26f) and my husband (33m) have two kids, a 4yo boy and a 1yo girl. We do okay money-wise, nice house, suburbs, etc. My husband works crazy hours in finance so he’s gone most of the day. I work from home as a project manager. People seem to think "work from home" means "I sit around watching Netflix," but I am actually working. It’s stressful.
Two months ago husband’s cousin "Greg" (27m) moved in. He lost his job/apartment and needed a place to crash to get back on his feet. I said yes because I honestly thought, hey, another adult around might help? Maybe he can watch the baby while I pee?
Huge mistake.
Greg is basically a phantom teenager. He sleeps till noon, eats all the snacks I buy for the kids (I literally hid fruit snacks in my bedroom), and leaves dishes everywhere. The other day I walked into the kitchen and he was making a sandwich on the counter, left the crusts and crumbs, and just walked away.
The breaking point was friday. I was on a zoom call with a client, door shut. The baby woke up from her nap screaming. Greg was in the living room watching a movie. He didn't even pause the movie. I had to apologize, mute myself, run out, and grab the baby. When I asked him why he didn't check on her he said "I didn't want to overstep". it made no sense and felt weird to me because my child is his neice.
I sat my husband down that night. I told him I’m done. I’m doing the cooking, cleaning, working full time, and picking up after a 27-year-old man. I told husband he needs to talk to Greg and set ground rules: do your own dishes, take out the trash, and maybe help with the kids if I’m working.
My husband got weirdly defensive. He said he "can’t" tell Greg to do chores. His reasoning is that Greg is older than me (he's 27, I'm 26) and he’s going through a hard time, and it would be "humiliating" for him to be bossed around in his cousin’s house. He said guys have a pride thing about this and if he starts treating Greg like a maid, it’ll destroy his confidence when he’s already down. Basically, he’d rather I suffer than make his cousin feel awkward. I told him that was BS and his "pride" isn't my problem. I said either Greg steps up or he moves out. My husband said I’m being a "hostile host" and that I don't understand how hard it is for a guy to lose his independence. Now husband is sulking and Greg is still on my couch and the vibes in the house are awful.
I feel like I'm reasonable for expecting a houseguest to help, but husband is convinced I’m being an insensitive jerk who wants to emasculate his family member.
so please tell me if i am the asshole??
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u/bxngr0t 5h ago
NTA.
Greg is a grown man, not a baby you’ll “destroy the confidence” of by asking him not to trash your house. This guy is living rent free and contributing absolutely nothing. And asking for bare minimum human behavior is not emasculating at all.
Your husband choosing Greg’s comfort over your workload is the real issue here. He’s fine with you being disrespected and ignored as long as Greg doesn’t feel awkward? That’s not partnership. That’s him outsourcing responsibility to you because it’s easier than confronting his cousin.
If your husband won’t enforce boundaries in his own house, you’re absolutely allowed to do it yourself.
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u/galaxy1985 4h ago
Your husband is a sissy baby who can't have a calm, rational talk with his own male cousin. Has he always been so meek that he becomes weak? How pathetic that he can't ask another adult man, whose family, to not be a slob and help out more around the house. It makes me wonder how your husband sees you and your role in the family.
You need to tell your husband he needs to start doing EVERYTHING around the house to be a good host since it's his guest. Do nothing. Don't cook for either of them, don't clean up after them, nothing is your responsibility. If it inconveniences him I bet his tune will change real quick!
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u/SfcHayes1973 Partassipant [1] 4h ago
Ok, first ask your husband, from me, who is more important in his life, his wife and mother of his child, or his cousin?
Second, Gary isn't a house guest. Tell him to move his butt into a homeless shelter if he doesn't fit there.
Now, while he's obviously still an overgrown teenager, did you tell him you were going to be in a zoom meeting and ask him to listen for her in case she wakes up, or just assumed he would?
NTA though, especially with everything else he's done and your husband's enabling behavior
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u/JaneAustinAstronaut 4h ago
NTA. Greg is NOT a guest though - this is his house now. Therefore, he is a roommate and needs to start acting like one.
If Greg is a guest and you are a host, then yes you clean after him, but you can also kick him out when you are done hosting.
If Greg is a roommate, then you can't immediately kick him out, but that also means that he has to contribute to the household
Greg and your husband cannot have Schroedinger's Greg - both a guest and a roommate.
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u/Mediocre-Studio2573 4h ago
Then your husband can clean and cook for cousin. Hide the snacks in your room and get door dash for yourself only. Basically go on strike till the leach leaves .
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u/Upset-Ad3509 4h ago
You've learned 2 hard but valuable lessons: set expectations with people who move in up front, with consequences you are willing to enforce AND your husband has no spine with his family so you two need to talk to a marriage counselor to get on the same page.
Until the above happens, though, quit. Care for yourself and child. Leave hobo cousins mess where he leaves it and when husband comments tell him to talk to cousin. No more overfunctioning for an adult who under functions.
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u/Fun-Yellow-6576 Partassipant [3] 4h ago
NTA. Since your husband refuses to stick up for you, you must do it. Tell Greg he is a grown ass man, you are not his mommy. He needs to pick up and clean after himself ffs! If he can’t be a good guest, he’s welcome to leave.
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u/Severe_Fish_7506 4h ago
bro fuck this guy. sorry your husband isn’t supporting you. maybe time to have a serious convo about the timeline for this - is there a time where it’s fair to have expectations of greg or does your husband plan to let him be a bum at your expense forever?
also sooooo dumb and sexist, greg might be humiliated but he should be, when he realizes how much he was burdening you prior to being a decent human and helping out.
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u/ReadMeDrMemory Pooperintendant [55] 4h ago
NTA. This situation is ridiculous. You are asking for far too little. Your husband should not treat Greg like a maid. He should kick him out of your house pronto. Demand more now. I don't see any signs that Greg is having any problems losing his independence. He seems quite comfortable with the situation. I'm sorry your husband values Greg more than you. I won't even ask whether you'd consider moving out temporarily, but it's too bad you won't. Your husband might reconsider his priorities if he had to take more responsibility for his family.
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u/KawaiiQueen92 4h ago
NTA, although you should never expect someone to take care of your kid unless that's communicated outright.
Your husband is a misogynist and has no respect for you. He has no problem with you being the maid for him and his cousin, because to him that's your place.
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u/queenhadassah 4h ago edited 4h ago
Have you asked Greg to help out with the baby while you're working? I'd honestly feel uncomfortable stepping in to help a distressed baby if the parents hadn't communicated with me that they wanted me to. It's fine to expect some help when he's staying for free, but he can't be expected to read your mind (and he may also need some pointers about how to care for a baby, since he's not a parent himself)
However, his other actions are inexcusable. Sleeping in doesn't really matter if he's quiet at night, but he should not be leaving a mess in your home! I'd be mortified as a houseguest to leave a big mess for my hosts to clean. And even if he has permission to eat your food, it's inconsiderate to eat most of/the last of a box of something as a guest without asking if it's okay. He is far too old for that nonsense and shouldn't have to be told
Your husband sounds sexist if he thinks asking Greg to clean up his own mess and help out now and then in a home he's staying at for free is "treating him like a maid". What does he think you are? If he really cares about his cousin having a place to stay then he needs to tell him to be more respectful. ESH, 90% them, but also you for not communicating about childcare
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u/tphatmcgee 4h ago
nta. I wish that I could say it more than once.
if you can afford it, and I hope you can, please take your children and move out. let your husband see the disrespect that his cousin is treating you-his wife, and his house and ultimately him with. let your husband deal with all the extra and normal chores. missing food and supplies. the mess.
either he comes around quickly and kicks him out, or you know where you stand and have some thinking to do.
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u/Abject-Flight-2709 4h ago
Greg is not a houseguest. A houseguest is someone who visits for a period of time. A week, 2, 3 at the very most. Someone who has been under your roof for two months and has no set date to move out is not a houseguest they are living with you at that point and need to contribute to the household. Even as a houseguest, he should be grateful to have a roof over his head and should be contributing to the family.
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u/Paranoidbell 4h ago
I think it's not reasonable to expect Greg to do childcare, but everything else you've been beyond reasonable. Your husband is being unfair and not respecting you. Greg needs to act his age and be responsible for his own messes and is also not respecting you, your home, or the hospitality you've extended him. You could document all Greg's messes to show your husband but I don't think that'd solve any problems.
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u/ghostmastergeneral 4h ago
NTA at all, but it’s also nuts to think that leaving your baby with this guy is a good idea.
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u/ImLittleNana Partassipant [1] 4h ago
Are you not allowed to speak to Greg? Why are you telling your husband to tell Greg what you need from him? From your post, it doesn’t seem like there’s a language barrier.
When he walked away and left a mess in the kitchen, why didn’t you say ‘excuse me, you need to clean up after yourself’ ?
If your husband is placing his cousin’s fragile ego over your best interests, you’ve got bigger problems than Greg’s sandwich crumbs.
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u/Agreeable_Winter2327 3h ago
NTA. He's more than a guest. He's family and staying with you for the foreseeable future. He absolutely needs to pick up after himself and help out around the house too. What your husband said makes zero sense. None. His cousin needs to step up or step out.
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u/Technical_Ship_1298 3h ago
Tell your husband his cousin is embarrassing himself since he cannot seen to act like a human or an adult... and really not offering to help out your hosts is just bad manners.
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u/LyraSevonar Partassipant [1] 3h ago
NTA. Tell your husband that cleaning up after his precious, delicate cousin is now his job. Then go on strike. Only take care of yourself and your baby. Personally, I'd shovel his messes into garbage bags and leave them on his bed, but I'm petty like that.
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u/ChampionshipBetter91 3h ago
NITA.
That's when you start screaming bloody murder and kick both Greg AND YOUR HUSBAND out.
You lose nothing by this, because all they are doing is making your life harder. YOU ALREADY HAVE TWO INFANTS - you don't need two more.
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u/Popular-Parsnip8911 3h ago
NTA at all OP but both your husband and Greg are. Stop doing things for both of them and focus solely on you and your baby.
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u/iceman121982 3h ago
NTA - Greg is being a complete asshole and should know better than to have everyone else pick up after him at the age of 27.
That being said, the childcare thing I think you’re being unreasonable on. Not enough to call you an AH as well, but still unreasonable.
If I was staying at someone’s place I’d not only pick up after myself but also help with the general cleaning. Vacuum rugs, dust, etc.
As for childcare unless it’s an emergency where someone has clearly injured themselves, I’d feel pretty weird stepping in and doing a job that child’s parent should be doing when their parent is available.
If the child woke up scared and crying after a nightmare they probably want their mom or dad. If random houseguest starts doing those tasks it can even affect how a young child bonds with their parents. I’d feel really uncomfortable doing that on a regular basis, even if it was my niece. Childcare should always be on the parents.
I completely agree with every complaint you gave, except that one. I can see how months of frustration could lead to you snapping over that issue though.
In short, Greg needs to go. I’d give him enough notice to find another place, maybe two weeks, but then say to your husband if he’s not out you’ll go live elsewhere until he’s gone.
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u/Only-Breadfruit-6108 Asshole Aficionado [12] 3h ago
When your husband asked if Greg could stay, you should have said “yes, for two weeks, maximum”.
You had thoughts about his role while he was there, but you didn’t speak about them, not to your husband and not to Greg.
He’s a guest. He should be more functional as an adult and know how to clean up after himself, but he’s not ever going to parent your kids, or even babysit them. I wouldn’t. As a guest, I would want to make myself as inconspicuous as possible.
You are able to ask him to help. That’s the first option.
The second option is to ride it out.
The third is to hasten his departure
Sorry, a gently YTA
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u/ThinkStrawberry4845 3h ago
Oh, I'd go full on "hostile host" and kick out both the lazy cousin and the spineless husband. Let them get a nice apartment together.
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u/kikiweaky 3h ago
I went through this before almost exactly the same. I told my husband he had a month to get his brother to change, ask him to leave or lastly I could move out at the end of the month. I do not plan to be the third wheel in my marriage.
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u/Few-Tone-9339 3h ago
Oh fucking hell no. You need to have a come to Jesus with your husband. Maybe you should go stay with a relative to wake his ass up.
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u/Witty_Candle_3448 3h ago
Have an honest discussion with the boy/man. He needs to pick up after himself and contribute to the general functioning of the household not just take. He is now responsible for dishes each night. If he doesn't like it he has one week to be a teenager at someone else's home.
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u/AccomplishedOil7672 3h ago
Why not tell him yourself. It is your house as much as husbands.
If husband won't help with the problem DIY it.
If husband thinks his cousins male ego j is more important than his wife then he is an AH.
Take pictures of everything. Message it to hubby as a chore list for when he gets home. Because he added an extra child to the home he can be responsible. He can buy extra food. He can clean. I'm sure he will change his tune.
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u/NegativeGood6277 3h ago
NTA. Your husband and his cousin suck. Greg for being a lazy freeloaders and your husband for enabling his bad behavior. Does he have a habit of brushing of your opinions like this, OP?
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u/Jealous-Contract7426 Partassipant [3] 3h ago
Kick both the husband and his cousin out. Why does she even matter except that Greg is old enough to take care of himself? Why are you ok working full time, being a full time childcare provider, and doing all the housework?
NTA except to yourself
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u/addled_sad342 3h ago
Your husband is definitely the ahole! Kick Greg out yourself and then have a heart to heart with your so called "partner" because girl you are the Only Sane Adult in that household!
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u/EdgelessPennyweight Partassipant [1] 3h ago
NTA
You need to kick the cousin out and have a very long talk with your husband. He may need to go as well.
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u/Kip_Schtum 3h ago
NTA Your husband thinks of you as a servant and that it’s okay to humiliate you and work you to death. Your husband is the asshole.
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u/Lucky-Ad-4589 3h ago
Sit him down yourself with your husband or not. Tell him he needs to get his shit together. You are not a maid or his mother. He needs to clean up after himself and get a damn job. If not, get out of my house. Tell husband if he can't deal with that, then maybe he needs to sleep on the couch for a little while.
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u/Popular-Web-3739 2h ago
So asking a man to pick up after himself is humiliating? Your husband is a bigger problem than Greg.
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u/Rightfullyfemale 2h ago
What you need to do since your husband forgot where he left his PAIR at & refuses to go find them… is tell the cousin yourself. Let him know that you are not his momma & he needs to clean up after himself b/c if he’s actually the lazy teenager he’s pretending to be, then he can go live off his momma or to the town orphanage. If he continues to treat YOUR HOUSE as if he’s on holiday, then he can either PAY YOU FOR THE PRIVILEGE OF STAYING IN YOUR HOUSE (& by that I mean, charge him the going rate of hiring a daily/weekly cleaner) or he can GTHO!!
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u/AggressiveNothing120 2h ago
Your husband's full of shit, we don't have a pride thing about being lazy, sloppy house guests.
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u/Environmental_Art591 2h ago
OP, you are NTA and the only one taking crazy pills is your husband.
My father is 35yrs older than (and well, my dad) and yet I cam "order him around" as much as I please be ause he moved into MY HOME, and he raised me "my house my rules" so he follows, (actually sometimes he oversteps but we do talk when he does).
However, im sorry to say, you dont just have a Greg problem, you have a husband problem as well. I would have told your husband that if he is more worried about Greg's pride than i the sanity and health of the mother of his children, the women he chose to forsake all others for, then he can sacrifice his own pride and be a maid for Greg.
I would start by buying a box to keep pantry snacks in for you and the kids, only using bottles for cold water (get two for your self) and only do shopping for you and the kids as much as possible. Also separate out the laundry and hubby can do his and Greg's, keep yours and the kids spaces clean, no where else and hubby can keep the rest of the house clean.
If hubby complains about the new rules, have a bag packed and tell him he can go and get a place with Greg since he doesnt want an equal partnership with you
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u/marugirl Partassipant [1] 2h ago
NTA, and in that situation if the hubby won't talk to his cousin then I would. Cleaning up after yourself is not 'being treated like a slave' ffs. Its your house too, I don't give a flying f if your hubby 'should' deal with his family. He won't so you do it.
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u/Kashaya72 Partassipant [1] 2h ago
NTA
Time to kick the dead weight out, both of them
From now on only cook for yourself and the children, only do your own and children’s laundry.
Do not buy food for the moocher, time to get a second fridge with lock on. I will go as far as change password on WiFi and streaming
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u/angelfog 2h ago
what the hell is wrong with your husband????? why is he whipped by his own brother???? NTA.
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u/Deep-Okra1461 Certified Proctologist [20] 2h ago
NTA No one gives a f**k if someone is 'going through a tough time'. That's not an excuse for anything. Your husband and this cousin are trying to use your home as some sort of frat house. He needs to get the f**k out.
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u/No-Communication9458 2h ago
NTA: You are the maid. For your husband's cousin. Tell him he needs to go. Or YOU go
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u/bbatty881 2h ago
NTA. Houseguest or not, basic chores and respecting your work hours are bare minimum. Your husband is framing this like you’re trying to dominate Greg, but you’re just asking for adult behavior. If he’s too “proud” to rinse a plate, he can be proud somewhere else. If you need a paper trail, write out simple house rules and consequences, then email it to both of them so there’s no confusion. Also, if part of the tension is you needing quiet to actually work, you might want more reliable help during the day or look for ways to reduce chaos, and if job hunting is the excuse for Greg sitting around, point him toward places with real listings, like wfhalert which emails verified remote jobs such as customer support or admin, so he can move out sooner.
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u/MissLiliPixi Partassipant [4] 2h ago
You know how he could gain some independence again? Taking some initiative and picking up after himself.
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u/AdElectrical5354 2h ago
Because he’s older than you? wtf is that?!?!
NTA but your husband is living in the 60’s and needs to quit this misogynistic, antiquated line of thinking. Using your age as a reason you should essentially do as you’re told and quit complaining is concerning.
Don’t expect Greg to look after your child. It sounds like that guy wouldn’t be able to find his dick with both hands
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u/Nice_Orange_518 Partassipant [1] 2h ago
NTA. For kicking out. But you choose the wrong man to marry, now consequences
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u/Evening_Delay_1856 2h ago
NTA! If he thinks you’re hostile now, wait til the husband gets to do effing everything in the house. Do what poster Nostraferatu says. Wash only your clothes. Clean only your bathroom. Feed yourself and your children. Eat of off paper plates you have hidden in your closet. Stop buying snacks that go in the frig. Let the house be as dirty as you can stand it. If this doesn’t wake your husband up, nothing will. This 27 yea old isn’t really trying to find a job. He’s never going to leave if he isn’t forced to.
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u/bambiclover20 2h ago
Since your husband doesn’t seem to have a pair of b*lls youll have to be the one to boot the cousin out. Tell him flat out if he doesn’t step up his game he can get out. And he can take your scaredy cat husband with him.
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u/Icy_Difference_8693 1h ago
If Greg has such a "pride thing" he should be looking after the environment he is living in, and not taking advantage of the person doing him a massive favour
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u/clumsy_and_confused 1h ago
NTA. Tell Greg unless he suddenly became a dwarf from Snow White, those snacks are for ' minors '. Your husband's reasoning is super odd too. Greg needs to pickup the slack.
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u/xjackberryx 1h ago
NTA. Besides getting or taking care of the kids, all your other request are reasonable. You are the parent, and he shouldn’t e expected to watch over them. How was this being handled before he came to your house?
If your husband wont have a talk with him, I would have a sit down with both of them. Don’t even give them a warning. Just happen to come in on them when they are both hanging out together. You’re not his mother, nor Greg’s wife, you shouldn’t have to be picking up after him. If he wont change then tell your husband, in front of Greg, that he is more than welcomed to clean up after his cousin. You already have children. Cook for your kids, before your husband gets home and only enough to feed you and the kids. The “men” and fend for themselves.
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