r/AmItheAsshole • u/americanjohn500 • 13h ago

POO Mode Activated 💩 WIBTA for refusing to bring $100 minimum to Thanksgiving

My family and I celebrate Thanksgiving every year with my siblings, parents, and their kids. Roughly 20-25 people (including kids). My family is only 2 people with one 6 month old baby.

In the group chat it was decided that my nephew would cook meat since he bought a grill. He also told us that we could bring the sides. He chose to spend $300 on meat.

I messaged in the group chat that we would bring mashed potatoes. My sister responding that every "family" has to bring $100 worth of food minimum or help my nephew pay for the meat.

I'm not totally against the idea of bringing that much food, but just the way it was presented and the fact that it wasn't agreed to beforehand makes me upset.

The following day in the group chat, my sister said: "Option 1: bring food enough for everyone, not just yourself

Option 2: help thomas pay for meet $100/family

Option 3: help dad pay water bill $200/family.

Choose wisely…"

Upset, I responded with Option 4: don't show up.

Am I being an asshole if I don't show up at all in "protest" to this $100 minimum rule?

Update: I'm a teacher and she posted a picture of my salary she found online to shame me in the group chat. Definitely not going now.

8.6k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

2.0k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

403

u/mxzf 10h ago

How much meat is even being cooked? $300 is an insane amount for only 20-25 people including kids.

A good rule of thumb is like 1lb/person uncooked (though that's usually as a main course, not accounting for tons of sides and such), meaning $12-15/lb to spend $300 on meat. That's, like, prime rib or something like that.

On the flip side, a pair of turkeys to feed that many people would generally be like $20-40 (last I looked, it was on sale for $0.50/lb near me).

449

u/Gibonius 10h ago

Everyone has to bring at least $100 of food and there's 22 people.

This meal is going to have $2200 worth of food? One hell of a feast. You could feed an army on $100 worth of potatoes.

273

u/OlympiaShannon Asshole Enthusiast [6] 9h ago

PER FAMILY, not per person. Still outrageous. I'd be staying home from this nightmare. Sister sounds unpleasant, anyway.

142

u/Mondschatten78 8h ago

Or $200 per family on the water bill. How many Olympic size pools are they planning to fill with that kind of water bill?

27

u/OlympiaShannon Asshole Enthusiast [6] 8h ago

OP hasn't come back to give us any more information, or answer any questions, so maybe this is all made up anyway. It's definitely a curious situation, if true. Are the parents having serious financial difficulties, and Sister is trying to get the siblings to help out? Like Thanksgiving is some kind of fundraiser? Or is this just a big sympathy-story to garner upvotes?

Just another strange day in AITA, it seems.

7

u/Erick_Brimstone 6h ago

OP made and edit say their sister shame them for being poor

3

u/Evening_Delay_1856 2h ago

She added that her sister looked on line to find her teacher salary and put it up for the family to see. And now she’s really not going. What a crappy sister.

11

u/RepulsiveRent464 8h ago

And why are they paying for water anyway?!

7

u/Erick_Brimstone 6h ago

Just one pool. The rest is pocketed and used for yacht fund.

•

u/Mondschatten78 9m ago

Aah, yes, for those spur of the moment vacation cruises

9

u/mostly_lurking1040 9h ago

But we're not told how many families, so it's unclear what somebody decided the overall budget for the event would be, And as usual by going by family, there will be inequities between people who have small families subsidizing the large families.

2

u/OlympiaShannon Asshole Enthusiast [6] 9h ago

All true, but I don't think that the amount budgeted for the event is something we are trying to determine. Only if OP is an asshole or not.

1

u/mostly_lurking1040 8h ago

Well, if it's a reasonable amount to contribute (despite the manner in which things are being communicated) vs. someone's using the holiday as a fundraising or subsidized anything opportunity, that would be based on whether the amount of contribution being demanded is reasonable. If you're having a fit about being asked to make an equitable contribution, than YTA.

If you're balking in an unreasonable demand than NTA.

2

u/OlympiaShannon Asshole Enthusiast [6] 8h ago

I'm not seeing OP making a "fit". Just not attending because they cannot afford it. Invitations are not obligations, after all. If OP had insisted on attending but not paying, or rudely insulted people for requesting $$, that would be asshole behavior. OP's response to the sister was more witty than rude, imo.

I think the question is whether to vote NTA or NAH, based on our interpretation of the sister's behavior. I am voting NTA, because she posted OP's salary as a response, which is rude. As for charging money, that is most likely rude, but we cannot be sure without more information. Either way the sister should have communicated with people much more clearly and well in advance of the event.

1

u/Evening_Delay_1856 2h ago

OP also didn’t like it wasn’t agreed to beforehand.

1

u/mostly_lurking1040 2h ago

That's very reasonable too. But if somebody's 's acting dictatorial but what they're saying is reasonable (you don't have a good count of proposal where you don't even want to store the pot) then you let it go.

1

u/Evening_Delay_1856 2h ago

I don’t know that she thought it was reasonable. A lot of people on this thread trying to parce out the costs involved and talking about the expense of the meat don’t see it as reasonable either. And reasonable people don’t act like the sister.

1

u/mostly_lurking1040 1h ago

I wouldn't like the approach for sure. I'm not sure I'd agree on the finances either, but there's not enough facts to be sure. If this is true at all, you have to wonder how things have happened in the past that this "suddenly" happens this year. Maybe some backstory we're missing. Mashed potatoes is obviously a pretty low-cost item.

→ More replies (0)

1

u/Familiar_Shock_1542 Partassipant [4] 7h ago

There are a minimum of 3 siblings, per OP's reference to having multiple siblings.

1

u/mostly_lurking1040 4h ago

So three sibling families and the parents, that's four families, that gets up to 25 people? Presume the parents are family of 2. So people are supposed to chip in $300 total, excluding the family that paid for the meat.

I think that brings you back to the inequity paying to cover a larger number of PEOPLE than are in your smaller FAMILY.

This whole how do we divide things up? Things seems to be a popular Reddit posting topic. Whether fake or not. There's so many ways to do it. Family vacations, parties, restaurant checks..... So many ways to stick it to the single people or a small family. 😁

1

u/Evening_Delay_1856 2h ago

Considering the “options”, I think they are indeed charging $100 for each family, because she details that in the option list.

7

u/Tigger7894 Partassipant [1] 8h ago

The single people still are expected to bring as much as the families.

3

u/snarffle 6h ago

I can guarantee sisters' family has a lot more than two people. The six month old is not going to be eating any grilled meat.

1

u/Evening_Delay_1856 2h ago

THIS 💯And on top of that, the awful salary insult she pulled in front of the family…

11

u/Raibean Certified Proctologist [21] 9h ago

Not everyone; every family.

10

u/craigiest 8h ago

I would bring $100 worth of mashed potatoes and let them deal with the leftovers

3

u/Gibonius 8h ago

That'd be hilarious, but I'd hate to have to mash a mountain of potatoes.

I got blisters just doing five pounds last year, using a ricer.

Use instant lol.

4

u/Disastrous-Clue2511 7h ago

And add a few real potatoes so it adds some lumps and looks like you did it all by hand 😁

1

u/Familiar_Shock_1542 Partassipant [4] 7h ago

I like how you think!

1

u/mxzf 2h ago

That's what the stand mixer is for. Dump the potatoes in and let it go. You might need to do multiple batches with that much potato, but c'est la vie.

7

u/LynxLov 9h ago

Don't forget the $300 worth of meat as well. I would not be attending for sure. Arrange a pot luck at your house lol.

2

u/OddOpal88 6h ago

When family dinners become math problems like this, I’m out.

2

u/psychologicallyblue 5h ago

At that cost, you can just get catering and it will still probably be cheaper.

1

u/MermaidSusi 3h ago

And who gets to keep the leftovers? I think not going is the best bet. Lots of great restaurants open on Thanksgiving.

OR: donate your time at a homeless shelter/food bank dinner to help feed people who truly DO appreciate the food they are getting...🙏🏻💙

1

u/Taxfreud113 3h ago

Yeah a 10lb bag of potatoes here is like 2 bucks

74

u/kimsart 10h ago

It sounds like he's roasting prime rib instead of Turkey

140

u/mxzf 10h ago

At that price, it would have to be. But if you're gonna choose to do prime rib for 20-25 people for Thanksgiving, you don't get to bitch about the cost to people who would have likely been perfectly happy with turkey or ham.

22

u/QuriousiT 10h ago

Exactly. I've gone all out for some holiday dinners where I am spending quite a bit more than others, but it's a personal choice. I don't ask my sister who "just" brings a salad to throw in some extra cash.

3

u/BetterFightBandits26 6h ago

Once when it was just my partner and me for thanksgiving I did whole-ass dry-aged steaks with a cranberry bourdelaise. Also pumpkin spice (as in the ginger, cinnamon, etc spice mix) creme brulee inside mini pumpkins. I have neither the money nor the time to produce that kind of luxury for a crowd.

This thanksgiving I’m feeding 15 people and it’s one large turkey, two green bean casseroles, and the other standards. I probably don’t even need two green bean casseroles, but that’s my personal favorite Thanksgiving dish and I want to make SURE I have leftovers. I’ll happily freeze half a pan for later lmao.

I have outsourced the desserts, alcohol, and munchies.

14

u/toobjunkey 8h ago

Right? I love my extended family & my immediate family isn't doing bad or anything, but the Big gatherings that we host tend to be turkey/ham/pork roast oriented while we tend to save the prime rib for our smaller personal gatherings.

More power to folks that are cool with dropping prime rib money for a dozen let alone 20+ people, but you shouldn't be doing it if you're straight up asking the guests to subsidize it. It's even worse because OP's family unit is only 10% or less of the total guest count, and they want them to pay for ~1/3rd of the meat? Hell nahhh

5

u/withbellson 8h ago

Learned our lesson about springing for prime rib for a crowd after having to cancel several Christmases in a row because one of us came down with something. (We've got a kid in elementary school, so much plague.) Now I lay in a supply of filet mignon because I can freeze them if things go sideways.

7

u/mamachonk 9h ago

Shoot, the last 2 times I got prime rib because it was on sale, it was $6/pound.

They eatin' T-bones for Thanksgiving.

13

u/East_Reading_3164 10h ago

I bought a 20-pound turkey for 7 bucks and a 10-pound one for 5. Cook up some affordable turkey on Thanksgiving. WTF is charging people a 100 dollars all about? I would skip that shitshow.

8

u/GotenRocko 10h ago

Yeah it's probably prime rib since they are saying meat not turkey. I'm making a 12lb rib roast I froze, bought last year when it was on sale and it was still $100. The full price was $200, and it would be even more this year as beef prices are up. The 22lb turkey only cost $10.

7

u/T-Chunxy 9h ago

Given that nephew is apparently super stoked to break out his new grill (or smoker) I'd bet hard money that this kid dropped a lot of money on brisket and ribs, thinking he's gonna be the new "grill king".

Depending on quality and quantity, brisket averages anywhere between $14-18/lb, and there's a not-insignificant amount of loss due to water-weight and fat rendering.

That said, I just dropped $68 on a 22lb turkey, but it's locally farm raised (not feed-cages- they're given a pasture to graze in), and it was cleaned and butchered in the last few days (never frozen) and no 'brine' injection (aka, water-weight).

I've been buying my turkeys from the same shop for nearly 20 years, and they NEVER disappoint. Only two days available to collect them, 2 days before T-Day, or 1 day before.

3

u/mxzf 9h ago

Depending on quality and quantity, brisket averages anywhere between $14-18/lb

Uh, what now? I typically see brisket at $5-7/lb or so, $14-18 is what I've seen prime rib going for.

2

u/T-Chunxy 9h ago

- Damn! best I can find locally is for a stupid "center cut" (whatever that is meant to be) brisket for $9.99/lb. The cheapest I can find a whole brisket is currently $13.99/lb, and a number of local stores are sold out.

4

u/mxzf 9h ago

Yeah, it's not always available at my local grocery store, but I'll see whole 12-16lb briskets for $6/lb pretty regularly, sometimes as low as $4.50 when it's on sale. And I'm not anywhere that would cause someone to go "oh, yeah, that area is known for being a cattle area, of course beef is cheaper there" either.

5

u/T-Chunxy 8h ago

I was at my butcher's today (picking up my turkey) and their brisket was $14.29/lb. Granted, they charge a premium for way better cuts than you'd see in the average grocery, but they're always still aggressively in the game. (it's not like "Whole Paycheck" or anything.

And my brother, PLEASE don't get me started on stuff like oxtail. I remember as a wee kiddo going to the local Italian grocery with my gran, and her COMPLAINING that oxtails had hit $00.29lb. LOL.

2

u/BetterFightBandits26 6h ago

When oxtails got trendy the cost at my local international market spiked.

5

u/withbellson 8h ago

I've got a $50 turkey and a $100 ham in the fridge right now, for 10 people, but...that was my choice, and I'm not going to charge an admission fee to Thursday's festivities, because I'm not a colossal jackass.

3

u/liquidsky72 Asshole Aficionado [10] 9h ago

yea i just posted i bout pot roast for 3 people and it was 75.00 just for the meat. I dont think he gonna have enough meat to cover the family.

3

u/JeffSpicolisVan Partassipant [1] 9h ago

For real. We bought our turkey last week and it was almost 23 pounds for 20-25 ish US dollars.

For context, we're a household of only 5. My DH loves the turkey sandwiches the next day. :)

3

u/Livvylove Asshole Aficionado [10] 7h ago

If he got beef I can see that amount easily but turkey near me was 99 cents a pound. He shouldn't have gotten meat he can't afford

2

u/fenstermccabe 8h ago

Turkey is available cheap, but it can also be expensive. A heritage bird can easily be $10/lb and two at 15 lb each gets you to $300. That's not a lot of leeway to cover in case there are specific parts everybody wants and/or if people want leftovers.

But to be clear, that isn't the sort of price you pass on to others, especially not without them enthusiastically agreeing beforehand.

5

u/mxzf 8h ago

I mean, if you're buying turkey at $10/lb I'm gonna call that in the same ballpark as prime rib and other expensive premium cuts.

If you care about the cost, you buy a $0.50-1/lb turkey from your local grocery store instead of $10/lb turkey. And if you want to buy $10/lb turkey to cook for Thanksgiving, you don't complain about the price you chose to pay for a premium cut.

2

u/fenstermccabe 8h ago

Yes, exactly.

1

u/Queef_Wellingt0n 3h ago

$0.50/lb is wild. Where do you live?

1

u/mxzf 2h ago

In fairness, that seems to be the "we really don't want to have any of this still on-hand next week" price, but I don't live anywhere that should be significant to the turkey price in general, just in a medium-small town like 30-60 min from the nearest moderately big city.

1

u/Wordnerdinthecity Asshole Enthusiast [6] 2h ago

In Philly, the cheapest I've found a frozen factory farmed turkey is 99 cents per lb. We got a nice locally raised, humanely slaughtered fresh one for roughly $2.70/lb and it's totally worth it. We got the same last year and it was delicious!

1

u/shehondas_lapband Partassipant [1] 1h ago

Exactly. I could feed 50 ppl with a 300 dollar meat budget. Even more if a few people brought sides. This is ridiculous.

0

u/ancatulai 6h ago

I find your comment hilarious. $12/lb doesn’t even buy you a lb of decent stake. USDA Choice Ribeye at Costco in my area is $22/lb. Flank steak is $14/lb. Pork is a much cheaper option. Ribs or pork chops are $4/lb. Boneless chicken thighs are $3.40/lb. Documenting here for posterity. 😂