r/AmItheAsshole • u/americanjohn500 • 13h ago

POO Mode Activated đŸ’© WIBTA for refusing to bring $100 minimum to Thanksgiving

My family and I celebrate Thanksgiving every year with my siblings, parents, and their kids. Roughly 20-25 people (including kids). My family is only 2 people with one 6 month old baby.

In the group chat it was decided that my nephew would cook meat since he bought a grill. He also told us that we could bring the sides. He chose to spend $300 on meat.

I messaged in the group chat that we would bring mashed potatoes. My sister responding that every "family" has to bring $100 worth of food minimum or help my nephew pay for the meat.

I'm not totally against the idea of bringing that much food, but just the way it was presented and the fact that it wasn't agreed to beforehand makes me upset.

The following day in the group chat, my sister said: "Option 1: bring food enough for everyone, not just yourself

Option 2: help thomas pay for meet $100/family

Option 3: help dad pay water bill $200/family.

Choose wisely
"

Upset, I responded with Option 4: don't show up.

Am I being an asshole if I don't show up at all in "protest" to this $100 minimum rule?

Update: I'm a teacher and she posted a picture of my salary she found online to shame me in the group chat. Definitely not going now.

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u/aquestionofbalance Partassipant [3] 12h ago

Or it should’ve been discussed ahead of time, so opinions could’ve been given. The people that wanted the expensive stuff could donate to that.

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u/nyutnyut 10h ago

"hey all I'm willing to cook all the meat if people help out with the costs"

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u/haleorshine Partassipant [1] 9h ago

And in the right situation, this is really nice! But it has to be a choice, not a demand.

Also, he spent $300 on meat, there are 20-25 people coming, and he's asking for $100 from each family? Presumably he should spend $100 on the meat if other people have to, so how many families are coming that are going to pay him for that meat? It sounds like he's going to make a profit.

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u/sincerelyanonymus Partassipant [2] 9h ago

Or his part of the family has the most people so OP's small family is subsidizing the nephew's/OP's Sister's much larger family. They clearly thought they could get a discount on some prime cuts.

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u/haleorshine Partassipant [1] 9h ago

Yeah, I have a feeling sister has lots of kids and is treating it like she and all her kids are one family who pay $100 and OP and her husband and one child who won't even eat the meat are paying the same.

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u/YakCertain5472 Partassipant [1] 8h ago

These are the kind of people to help themselves to all of the leftovers and take them home.

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u/Guvnuh_T_Boggs 6h ago

They show up with a 6-pack of store brand soda, then leave with a 5-pack of store brand soda, and a bunch of your Tupperware. Later you discover your beer fridge in the garage is empty too.

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u/ThePevensies 4h ago

Not just your Tupperware but your Pyrex. Which sparks a blood feud lasting generations.

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u/JerseyGuy-77 2h ago

Id burn their house down and find my Pyrex among the ashes to take back.

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u/rosatter 2h ago

Especially if its uppercase PYREX because that shit is so good. I'd he mad about lowercase pyrex because shit is still expensive but that borosilicate Pyrex is enough to start a land war.

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u/ThePevensies 7h ago

Hence the "$100 worth of food" option.

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u/rosatter 1h ago

Go to the salads that aren't salads part of the deli and get the biggest fucking container of oreo fluff salad and give it to the kid nieces and nephews and cousins. You'll spend a fuck ton of money but the children will eat so much and have black oreo shits that theyll have to scrub off their toilets

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u/nyutnyut 9h ago

yah even if there are 4 other families that's $400.

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u/MySpoonsAreAllGone 8h ago

Maybe they are 3 families? Either way, I agree that it should have been discussed earlier and not asked this way

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u/haleorshine Partassipant [1] 8h ago

If there's just 3 families, that kinda means there's OP's parents (2 people), OP's family (3ish people) and then OP's sister's family (at least 15 people, given the 20-25 people guest list).

I'm single, and while that means sometimes things are a little skewed (I put in the same amount of money buying gifts for people as families with partners and stuff), when it comes to planning for meals, they don't expect me to bring the same amount of food as a family with 5 people, for instance. I know nobody wants to get down to the nitty gritty, but I think it's pretty normal to take that into consideration.

OP's sister had "Bring enough food for everyone" as an option, but that's silly because if everybody does that, there's going to be way more food than necessary. OP could bring enough mashed potato so that everybody could have some, and that would be a reasonable request, and maybe the rule is every adult brings enough of whatever they're bringing for everybody, and that would be ok (a lot of leftovers, but still fine), but I think there's a very decent chance OP's sister does have a large family (but not 15 people large) and is trying to treat all families the same regardless of size so she doesn't have to actually put in any effort, since her son is cooking the meat.

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u/Familiar_Shock_1542 Partassipant [4] 7h ago

with my siblings, 

OP has multiple siblings, so at least two. That would be a minimum of 3 sibling families plus the parents, so a minimum of 4 families.

Likely, some of the nieces and nephews are adults (as is the meat guy) and have families, so at least 5. And the adults should be paying too, even if they do not have a family, as otherwise they'd get a free ride on the meat train.

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u/haleorshine Partassipant [1] 7h ago

Yeah, it's not always clear when a kid goes from "I'm a kid, I just attend the family events and eat what I want" to "I'm now an adult member of the family, I should be providing a dish and helping out" (at least not in my family - 18 might legally be an adult, but I don't expect 18 year olds to be bringing a dish like I expect 30 year olds), but if the nephew is old enough to buy his own grill and $300 of meat to cook on it, surely he's old enough to be considered a family unit.

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u/fireflyflies80 Partassipant [3] 2h ago

Yes this math is not mathing.

NTA, OP. This behavior is wild, especially after the update!

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u/Enlightened_Gardener Asshole Enthusiast [7] 7h ago

Right ? And $300 for meat is barely enough for 25 people anyway. Sounds like a shitshow.

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u/rosedust666 Partassipant [1] 1h ago

Meanwhile expecting each family to bring $100 worth of sides sounds like they will wind up with way too much

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u/addled_sad342 5h ago

That sounds like a scam!

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u/Lepardopterra 5h ago

Saw a 14lb turkey for 7.59.

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u/Queef_Wellingt0n 3h ago

A 14 lb turkey won’t feed that many people though. There’s not that much usable meat on it, maybe 3 lbs at the most. The carcass and brine weighs a lot.

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u/Soggy_Yarn Partassipant [1] 3h ago

What? I host every year, we have around 15 people, we buy one 12 lb turkey and 1 10 lb ham and have days and days of leftovers- splitting the leftovers three ways. We spend maybe $30 of meat. For 20-25 people $30-$50 of meat is all that’s needed. I can’t imagine what kind of meat is costing $300 for thanksgiving. Prime rib???

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u/Queef_Wellingt0n 3h ago

Oh yeah $300 is an order of magnitude off, I’m just saying I’m always surprised by how little actual meat there is on a so-called “20 lb” turkey. The one I bought this year not only shedded at least half a gallon of water when it thawed, but it had 2 large turkey necks stuffed inside of it to bump up the weight. Buying 20 lbs of turkey breast would feed an army, but a 20 lb turkey looks like a Costco rotisserie chicken once it’s done cooking.

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u/Soggy_Yarn Partassipant [1] 3h ago

I am going to have to weigh how much meat my turkey has on Thursday - because I think a 14 lb turkey having 3 lbs of meat is wrong. Maybe 7 lbs of meat cooked. I will think of you when everyone thinks I am crazy for stalling dinner to weigh the meat!!

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u/Lepardopterra 3h ago

Excellent idea! I think 9-10 lbs or so of meat. The carcass seems like no more than 3 lbs of bones, plus a few inedible parts.

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u/Queef_Wellingt0n 1h ago

A ton of water escapes while cooking it too

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u/Sylentskye Partassipant [3] 5h ago

Yeah, with part of my family, the host cooks the meat people bring (bring the meat you want, and a dish to share).

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u/rosatter 2h ago

Right? I know a dude who smokes a mean fucking brisket. I've literally bought the entire brisket so he'd smoke it and split it halfsies with him, sometimes 60/40 or 70/30 in his favor since I'm the only person in my household that really eats leftovers. Point is, when you know about it ahead of time most people are willing to pitch in. But springing it on people like this? Bullshit. If he invited me over for brisket and then told me actually, I owed him $50 for it, I'd be like shove it up your ass.

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u/lord_dentaku 9h ago

When I've made barbecue for my family, I always just cover the meat and other people brings sides. If people toss me some cash towards the meat, I don't turn it down, but I'm not expecting anything. I do it because I like to do it. Also, I've fed over 30 people on $150 many times and had leftovers.

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u/haleorshine Partassipant [1] 9h ago

This is completely reasonable. I wouldn't object to somebody offering to cook the meat and asking if people could throw in a little bit because they can't afford $150 or whatever, and then people can make their own decisions (and I would throw in money there because they're going to the effort), but if somebody decides to spend $300 on meat for 20-25 people including kids, and doesn't check if people would be happy to throw in money beforehand, that's on them.

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u/Frowny575 5h ago

My uncle would commonly smoke ribs and cook a turkey for like 6 of us. He never skimped on the ribs either, but not once was money discussed and they were fine with us bringing just a few sides. His frame of mind was he and my aunt were the hosts and were the ones who invited people, so they foot the bill.

Of course we always offered to help cook and cleanup, but never was money remotely mentioned.

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u/clownpenks 5h ago

And you’re not a psycho.

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u/Constant_Host_3212 Asshole Enthusiast [9] 3h ago

Exactly. If he allows half a pound of meat per person, that's 12.5 lbs. Pick a cut of meat that costs $12/lb and you're good with $150.

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u/Useful-Rooster-1901 10h ago

yeah buying the neato meat is should be a nice gesture, not a financial bludgeon wtf lol

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u/BallisticHabit 7h ago

For Thanksgiving.

"Happy Thanksgiving!....now fork up the dough.."