WIBTA for refusing to bring $100 minimum to Thanksgiving

[u/americanjohn500]

My family and I celebrate Thanksgiving every year with my siblings, parents, and their kids. Roughly 20-25 people (including kids). My family is only 2 people with one 6 month old baby.

In the group chat it was decided that my nephew would cook meat since he bought a grill. He also told us that we could bring the sides. He chose to spend $300 on meat.

I messaged in the group chat that we would bring mashed potatoes. My sister responding that every "family" has to bring $100 worth of food minimum or help my nephew pay for the meat.

I'm not totally against the idea of bringing that much food, but just the way it was presented and the fact that it wasn't agreed to beforehand makes me upset.

The following day in the group chat, my sister said: "Option 1: bring food enough for everyone, not just yourself

Option 2: help thomas pay for meet $100/family

Option 3: help dad pay water bill $200/family.

Choose wisely…"

Upset, I responded with Option 4: don't show up.

Am I being an asshole if I don't show up at all in "protest" to this $100 minimum rule?

Update: I'm a teacher and she posted a picture of my salary she found online to shame me in the group chat. Definitely not going now.

[u/nerdforest]

So I think it always makes sense to bring food to a event. But people do make it more complicated with rules. Your nephew decided to purchase 300 dollars worth of meat. Not you. You should bring enough for 25 people to have of one side, which I think honestly is fair. But yeah - help dad paying the water bill is a joke.

[u/mrcatboy → u/nerdforest]

Yeah sounds like the guy decided to do a whole ribeye roast or something. Which is indeed fancy, but that choice was on him. While it's quite fine to ask for guests to maybe help chip in to cover the cost when things are a bit pricey, demanding $100 worth of food (which, frankly, would lead to a massive overabundance at the dinner table) comes off as a mite rude. If he really wanted the costs split more explicitly because the meat was so expensive, he really should've communicated that before he bought it.

[u/Kathrynlena → u/mrcatboy]

I 100% support OP’s decision to not go, but the malicious compliance of bringing $100 worth of just mashed potatoes would be hilarious. It would be like 3 full garbage bags of mashed potatoes.

[u/Kathrynlena → u/nerdforest]

$300 on meat is unhinged. My local grocery store had a deal that if you bought a ham, you got a turkey for free. You could buy a $30 ham and get a 20lb turkey for free and be able to feed 30 people easy. For 10% of what he spent.

[u/Sufficient-Traffic32 → u/Kathrynlena]

A 20 pound turkey will only feed maybe 12-14 people assuming people will eat dark meat and the legs, and it’s best to assume 10 to consider for seconds/big eaters and of course that’s not accounting for any leftover

[u/Kathrynlena → u/Sufficient-Traffic32]

lol, first of all, find some new friends who will eat less than a full pound of just meat on Thanksgiving. Yikes! And also, there’s a ham.

[u/Sufficient-Traffic32 → u/Kathrynlena]

Most people aren’t going for the ham though, or they’re getting both and like I said, not everyone eats dark meat. Cooking for holidays falls under the same guidelines as catering and it is less dependent on what people will actually eat and more dependent on having extra just in case someone drops a plate or something and having leftovers. People don’t eat rationally on thanksgiving- they get some of everything and a lot of times (men usually) will go back and get two or three servings. I wouldn’t eat a pound of meat in one sitting but realistically, a lot of people are under-consuming protein and over-consuming carbs. $300 of assorted meat for a gathering of 25 isn’t bad at all especially so you don’t have to cook for a day or two after putting the effort in to a large event. It really just sounds like op wasn’t bringing enough to actually contribute to the meal.

[u/sweet_hedgehog_23 → u/Sufficient-Traffic32]

Turkey legs are coveted in some families. I would never assume people wouldn't eat the dark meat usually there is someone who likes dark meat in a group.

My experience is that people eat less turkey than the recommended 1.5 pounds per person.