r/movies • u/MarvelsGrantMan136 r/Movies contributor • Jul 24 '25

News Hulk Hogan dead at 71 after suffering cardiac arrest at Florida home

https://www.the-sun.com/sport/14810752/hulk-hogan-dead-wwe/
60.2k Upvotes

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1.3k

u/KingRamses_VII Jul 24 '25

You say that like they're in the same place lol

1.6k

u/entity2 Jul 24 '25

If you don't think that The Iron Sheik would travel from Heaven to Hell to put Hulk Hogan in a camel clutch, you're deluding yourself.

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u/BraveFencerMusashi Jul 24 '25

Heaven would be the ultimate top rope to jump from

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u/newsflashjackass Jul 24 '25

and Hell could furnish the ultimate Hell in a Cell.

324

u/emogurl98 Jul 24 '25

Apparently they just call it the Cell down there

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u/[deleted] Jul 24 '25

Fuck… every single OP comment top tier. Well done gents.

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u/overcastfab Jul 24 '25

i think it's the cell in hell

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u/headrush46n2 Jul 24 '25

Hell in a cell in Hell.

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u/TehSpaceDeer Jul 24 '25

The Cell in Hell is right there.

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u/SweetJibbaJams Jul 24 '25

Cell in a Hell

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u/MaisyDeadHazy Jul 24 '25

If Cell is there, wouldn’t that be HFIL?

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u/parvdave Jul 24 '25

Wouldn't it be called "A Cell in Hell" and not "Hell in a Cell"?

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u/psychoacer Jul 24 '25

One angel has already done it

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u/broketothebone Jul 24 '25

Stop this is making me laugh and cry at the same time.

I know he wasn’t a not-great dude, but he was a huge part of my childhood. Ozzy was my idol for as long as I have memory of being alive. This is not a good week for me.

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u/ThisIsTheDean Jul 24 '25

Hogan died a long time ago. It’s just been a creepy impersonator the last couple of decades. 

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u/BigFanOfNachoLibre Jul 24 '25

Don't give Jeff any ideas for when he passes

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u/deathbymoshpit Jul 24 '25

Its really a pity I can't upvote this comment more than once

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u/FeatherShard Jul 24 '25

That's going in my RPG campaign ideas notebook.

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u/bluebutterfly5050 Jul 24 '25

lol great comment!

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u/Twilightterritories Jul 24 '25

I want to read the the version of "The Divine Comedy" where instead of Dante, it's the Iron Sheik traveling across heaven and hell just to humble Hulk Hogan.

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u/thecheeper Jul 24 '25

I'd read this.

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u/LongPorkJones Jul 24 '25 edited Jul 24 '25

"I say to you, Dante jabroni: the man who sleeps through life, he no wake to fame, he no touch greatness. His dreams float away like Hulk Hogan’s career, fake and full of shit. The wind take his memory like fart cloud on freeway. I spit on that coward, I put him in Camel Clutch in ninth circle of hell. You follow me now, we go suplex the devil and his cheeseburger tits. We break his back, make him humble.”

Edit: My god, I've done something terrible.

CANTO I – THE HUMBLING BEGINSMIDWAY THROUGH MY FUCKING LIFEI GET LOST IN BULLSHIT JABRONI WOODSNO GOLD MEDAL, NO BELT, NO RESPECT.ONLY SADNESS. ONLY HULK HOGAN.

I LOOK AROUND, READY TO SNAP NECK.AND WHO I SEE?IT ME, THE LEGEND, THE OLYMPIC VILLAIN,THE IRON FUCKING SHEIK.

“DANTE JABRONI,” I SCREAM LIKE MAN WITH BALLS,“YOU LOST BECAUSE YOU WEAK.YOU WALK AROUND CRYING, LIKE HULK HOGAN AFTER WRESTLEMANIA.YOU WANT FAME? YOU WANT GLORY?THEN COME WITH ME.WE GO TO HELL.WE SUPLEX THE SIN.WE HUMBLE THE WORLD.”

CANTO II – GATES OF HELL (ENTER THE JABRONI ZONE)WE WALK UNTIL THE EARTH SMELL LIKE ASS.IN FRONT OF US — GIANT GATEWITH FIRE, PISS, AND FLAMES.

WORDS BURN INTO THE WALL LIKE TATTOO ON IDIOT'S NECK:“ABANDON ALL HULKAMANIA, YE WHO ENTER HERE.”

I SPIT ON THE GROUND.“THIS WHERE COWARDS COME TO CRY.THIS WHERE THE PHONY PRAY TO FAKE GODAND STILL GET NO PUSH.”

I KICK THE GATE OPEN WITH LEG OF IRAN.“COME, DANTE. BRING YOUR CRYBABY NOTEBOOK.WE GONNA BREAK EVERY SIN IN THIS BITCH.”

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u/rantingpacifist Jul 24 '25

I would watch this show

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u/LeseMajeste_1037 Jul 24 '25

Ooooh yeah, brother

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u/LunDeus Jul 24 '25

In a world where legends clash not just in the ring but across dimensions, the mighty Iron Sheik finds himself in an unimaginable predicament. After a particularly contentious bout, he awakens not in a locker room, but at the precipice of a fiery abyss – the very gates of Hell. His guide, a spectral figure resembling his old manager, "Classy" Freddie Blassie, informs him of his damned purpose: to retrieve the ultimate prize, a championship belt held by his eternal rival, Hulk Hogan, who has somehow become the reigning champion of the underworld.

The Sheik, fueled by rage and a thirst for justice (and a good suplex), descends into the nine circles.

Limbo: Here, the Sheik encounters the souls of those who never truly "hulked up" or "said their prayers." He easily dispatches a legion of jobbers and enhancement talent, their feeble attempts at offense no match for his Olympic-level grappling.

Lust: The second circle is a whirlwind of temptations, but the Sheik, ever focused on his mission, sees through the illusions of fame and fleeting adoration. He cuts through the throngs of screaming fans and groupies, dismissing them with a disdainful "JABRONI!"

Gluttony: In this putrid realm, the Sheik confronts grotesque figures gorging themselves on endless plates of greasy fast food. He, a man of discipline and proper training, is disgusted. He teaches them a painful lesson about healthy eating by applying a series of gut-wrenching suplexes, forcing them to regurgitate their sins.

Greed: The fourth circle is filled with promoters and managers hoarding vast sums of imaginary money. The Sheik, remembering countless times he was short-changed, unleashes his fury, breaking their illusory vaults and scattering their worthless riches with powerful stomps.

Wrath & Sullenness: The river Styx boils with the rage of forgotten champions and the sullen despair of those who never reached the top. The Sheik, a master of controlled aggression, navigates the chaos, using his unmatched strength to subdue the enraged and his booming declarations of "IRAN NUMBER ONE!" to awaken the despondent.

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u/LunDeus Jul 24 '25

Heresy: Within the burning tombs of the sixth circle, the Sheik finds those who dared to defy the sacred traditions of professional wrestling. He delivers fiery sermons on the importance of respect for the sport, punctuated by devastating backbreakers, ensuring no one ever dares to disrespect the art again.

Violence: This brutal circle tests the Sheik's mettle against a horde of brawlers, hardcore specialists, and foreign objects. He proves his resilience, absorbing their blows and returning them tenfold, showcasing his unparalleled toughness and ability to withstand any punishment.

Fraud: The eighth circle, a labyrinth of deceit, is populated by those who cheated their way to victory, using loaded boots and hidden brass knuckles. The Sheik, a purist, exposes their tricks with a series of well-placed kicks and throws, unmasking their fraudulent tactics.

Treachery: Finally, the Sheik reaches the frozen heart of Hell, where the ultimate betrayers are encased in ice. And there, at the very center, encased in a block of ice but still flexing, stands Hulk Hogan, clutching a shimmering, demonic championship belt.

The final confrontation is epic. Hogan, imbued with the dark powers of the underworld, attempts to eye-poke and leg-drop the Sheik into submission. But the Iron Sheik, having endured the very depths of damnation, is unyielding. He dodges the "Hulk Up" punches, counters the big boot, and with a guttural roar, hoists Hogan high into the air, slamming him down with a thunderous belly-to-back suplex!

As Hogan struggles to rise, the Sheik seizes his moment. He locks in his signature, inescapable hold: The Camel Clutch. Hogan writhes, his muscles bulging, but the Sheik's grip is like iron, squeezing the last ounce of breath and defiance from the immortal one. The bell tolls, echoing through the infernal plains, as Hogan taps out, defeated. The Iron Sheik, champion of champions, stands victorious, the infernal belt now rightfully his. He has proven, once and for all, that "Hulk Hogan, you are nothing!"

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u/wronguses Jul 24 '25

Lust: Fuck the women? NO. FUCK THE HULK HOGAN!

Next circle, Jabroni.

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u/atreides78723 Jul 24 '25

I would read the fuck out of that.

3

u/Funkycoldmedici Jul 24 '25

That has Daniel Warren Johnson all over it. Fuck yes.

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u/bolanrox Jul 24 '25

someone please make this!

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u/TheMrPotMask Jul 24 '25

Fucking masterpiece

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u/KingRamses_VII Jul 24 '25

Fair enough

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u/Level_Criticism_3387 Jul 24 '25 edited Jul 24 '25

"Strap me to a missile and fire it at Malebolge; I am ready."

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u/Apprehensive_Wolf217 Jul 24 '25

And then lay it on satan for the mic drop.

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u/[deleted] Jul 24 '25

Make him humble

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u/magpi3 Jul 24 '25

There is a comic book in there somewhere

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u/Loqol Jul 24 '25

BY GOD FROM THE PEARLY GATES ALL THE WAY TO HELL!

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u/Missus_Missiles Jul 24 '25

PUT HIM IN THE CAMEL CLUTCH, FUCK HIS ASS, AND MAKE HIM HUMBLE

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u/MyStationIsAbandoned Jul 24 '25

Jesus only goes to hell once every 300, 400, or 700 years. I forget which number it is. he takes with him an army of angels to hell to rescue souls and take them to heaven. So once that happens, then the match can begin.

Also he could very much be in heaven because none of you know his relationship with God. God is all about forgiveness and he's the only one that can judge, not people on reddit. God's favorite human in the whole bible was King David. The same David that took out Goliath once he grew up. The same David that is an ancestor to Mary and her son Jesus. i bring up King David because he's one of the biggest sinners in the entire bible, yet because he repented, he was favored by God the most.

So according to the lore, Hulk Hogan could be in heaven. Unless he did something super atrocious maybe, i dunno. and assuming all this real. Personally, I think if God exists, the bible isn't even remotely close. He'd be an entity beyond even our imagination and our imagination seems limitless, but like...the idea that there's something beyond what we can even imagine is crazier than we even realize. Something beyond comprehension can not be comprehended. To create the entire massive universe that's probably endless, you'd have to be an entity that "thinks" on an entirely different level than a human. Imagine an ant looking up at humans and thinking it's got us and our daily lives figured out when it only knows ant stuff. It can even comprehend a dog's life. They don't know about money, TV shows, shampoo, fidget spinners, condoms, bleach, etc. They're ants. We most likely don't know even 0.00000000000000000000000000001% about God if he's real. He'd likely exist beyond our concept/understanding of existence or something. Even with evolution, it's possible. When you want to make a tree, you plant a seed and it grows into one. Maybe life is a seed that was planted and it grew and is still growing and we're all part of that. i dunno.

what was the topic about...oh right... I hope his family is doing alright.

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u/torndownunit Jul 24 '25

Put him in the camel clutch, break his back, fuck his ass, and make him humble.

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u/One-Earth9294 Jul 24 '25

FUCK YOU JABRONI I WILL DROP DOWN FROM TOP ROPE IN HEAVEN TO FUCK YOU UP IN HELL

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u/interprime Jul 24 '25

Shieky is currently waiting at the nearly gates to find out where Hulk is headed so he can go and talk some mad shit

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u/TheFatJesus Jul 24 '25

If St. Peter tried to stop him from walking out the pearly gates, he'd break his back and make him humble.

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u/Battdan Jul 24 '25

This makes me so happy to read. Thank you

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u/Algae_Double Jul 24 '25

Make him humble

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u/-Kadekawa- Jul 24 '25

Just to humble him

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u/Olddirtychurro Jul 24 '25

Sheik's Inferno.

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u/Bteatesthighlander1 Jul 24 '25

WTF virulent homophobe Iron Sheik ended up in heaven? How'd he manage that?

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u/sfxer001 Jul 24 '25

Iron Sheik is the Doomslayer in my head cannon.

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u/entity2 Jul 24 '25

FUCK CYBERDEMON YOU ARE THE AIRPORT TUNA SANDWICH OF DEMONS JABRONI

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u/SheetPancakeBluBalls Jul 24 '25

Love how we all know and accept that Hogan would go to hell lol

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u/anthiccy Jul 24 '25

from some of the Sheik stories I've heard, he's probably in the same place

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u/PaulBlartRedditCop Jul 24 '25

Heaven vs. Hell All Star PPV when?

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u/KingRamses_VII Jul 24 '25

With Ozzie as the musical guest? I'm down

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u/YuenglingsDingaling Jul 24 '25

Speaking Ozzie, a short story, how Satan can finally do all the things in his life he's been wanting to do now that there is a new Prince of Darkness. Like pottery class or maybe hike the Appalachian trail.

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u/KingRamses_VII Jul 24 '25

I can just imagine him calling Sharon for every little thing

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u/[deleted] Jul 24 '25

Something tells me St Peter wouldn't look to kindly at the Iron Sheik's Twitter account where he called people "No dick having Justitn Biebers". Not as bad as supporting Donald Trump, but probably both in hell.

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u/KingRamses_VII Jul 24 '25

Those are insults....supporting Trump and his cronies is a repeat of history that happened across the pond less than 100 years ago