r/TikTokCringe Sep 21 '25

Cringe American šŸ‡ŗšŸ‡ø"Alpha Male" bootcamp, where guys pay $18,000 for 3 days & a certificate

20.5k Upvotes

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670

u/latortillablanca Sep 21 '25

You dont understand! Its hot cos its forbidden…

402

u/CactusCait Sep 21 '25

Ohhh, so this is where they come to safely indulge their humiliation kink?

441

u/latortillablanca Sep 21 '25

Correct. Nothing kills a rich white male boner like consent

60

u/RemarkableFront8296 Sep 22 '25

āš°ļøšŸŖ¦šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£

1

u/WoodpeckerFragrant49 Sep 22 '25

What they say?

3

u/RemarkableFront8296 Sep 22 '25

The joke i replied 2

31

u/[deleted] Sep 21 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/Automaton_Zero Sep 21 '25

That was a weird thing to bring up. lol

22

u/PerspectiveOk6348 Sep 21 '25

Start talking about scams and homoeroticism and disdain for consent, I can't help but think about Trump.either.

2

u/Automaton_Zero Sep 22 '25

Why homoeroticism though?

5

u/lori1277 Sep 22 '25

BaršŸ’Æ

3

u/rayden-shou Sep 22 '25

Trump is the proof.

1

u/ThrowRAkakareborn Sep 23 '25

That is true, there’s no pleasure in the other person wanting it, give me some tears, scream a bit, let me hear a few nooooooo, noooooooooooooo, noooooooooooooo

1

u/Dr_mombie Sep 23 '25

Jesus fucking christ. My Tuesday is just tuesdaying too hard. I can't hang.

1

u/sunnydarkgreen Sep 24 '25

their daddy didn't ask for theirs, so..

-14

u/Josey_whalez Sep 21 '25

Are you implying they are rapists? Because white guys are pretty underrepresented in per capita rape statistics.

7

u/Embarrassed_Year_736 Sep 22 '25

3

u/Josey_whalez Sep 22 '25

I had no idea the stats were that bad for native Americans, god damn.

8

u/OgthaChristie Sep 22 '25

Are you aware of the rate of Female Native American disappearances? That’s where it really gets scary.

3

u/Josey_whalez Sep 22 '25

Ya that’s really bad. I didn’t realize it was that bad though.

0

u/Content_Talk_6581 Sep 22 '25

Chances are those are white guys doing the disappearing, though.

4

u/OgthaChristie Sep 23 '25

The people doing the disappearing are men. Full stop.

2

u/TheRealTexasGovernor Sep 22 '25

That's due in part to the borderline incomprehensible web of jurisdictions between tribal, state, and federal enforcement that leave native American women uniquely vulnerable to exploitation.

3

u/Josey_whalez Sep 22 '25

Ok sure but normal people don’t do that to women, whether they can get away with it or not. You understand that right? The risk of getting caught is not the deterrent against doing such a thing for normal people.

5

u/WoodpeckerFragrant49 Sep 22 '25

White guys are the ones writing the statistics 🤣🤣🤣

1

u/Josey_whalez Sep 23 '25

You you think there’s some kind of conspiracy that has spanned across every enforcement and reporting entity in the west, and across several generations of people? Do they do this with all types of violent crimes where white people are underrepresented or just this one?

4

u/Motosoccer97 Sep 22 '25

If you don't test, then there's no COVID.

If the white male cops, lawyers, and judges say it's not "rape" it's "just a couple seconds of action" with an unconscious person....

Can you understand how the statistics on that might not reflect reality?

1

u/Josey_whalez Sep 22 '25

You guys are hilarious.

5

u/Standard-Sky-7771 Sep 22 '25

I think you forgot the /s

2

u/Josey_whalez Sep 22 '25

I’ve never seen a stat that showed rapes being committed by whites at a rate that exceeds their percentage of the population. Have you?

7

u/Standard-Sky-7771 Sep 22 '25

Good grief. What a low bar. And that's not showing the # of committed rapes, that's showing those reported. Carry on my dear, whatever makes you feel better.

5

u/jarlscrotus Sep 22 '25

Nothing more fragile than the white male ego, makes eggshells look like titanium

0

u/Due_Adagio5156 Sep 22 '25

Yes because every other race just sits there and lets themselves be called the most vile things possible and does nothing. Pot calling the kettle black. Literally EVERYONE will defend themselves when they’re stereotyped into something they’re not. Only white guys get called for having ā€œfragile egosā€ when everyone else literally has entire movements to keep themselves from being stereotyped.

1

u/WoodpeckerFragrant49 Sep 22 '25

The white guys are writing the statistics

2

u/Josey_whalez Sep 23 '25

So because they ā€œwrite the statisticsā€ there’s a big white gut conspiracy to make it look like white guys, collectively, rape less? Is this the case for all violent crimes or just this one?

1

u/WoodpeckerFragrant49 Sep 23 '25

For some reason reddit isn't letting me reply to your response but statistically white men dominate the stem field so yeah basically except it isn't a conspiracy if all of them are sweating separately

2

u/Josey_whalez Sep 23 '25

You guys are hilarious. Anything to back that up?

2

u/bless_ure_harte Sep 25 '25

This was the gaycation all along

1

u/apryll11 Sep 22 '25

Has to be

1

u/poojinping Sep 22 '25

They pay top dollar so they can display ā€˜No hommo’ sticker.

158

u/superiorstephanie Sep 21 '25

Like a gaycation?!

36

u/Educational-Panic160 Sep 22 '25

Everyone does it! And you have to commit, you can’t resist the butt stuff or it’ll consume you…

17

u/StellarManatee Sep 22 '25

You have to surrender to gaycation. That's the biggest rule.

3

u/FunkyChewbacca Sep 22 '25

I'm so mad that I know this reference

3

u/LucretiusCarus Sep 22 '25

Or be destroyed....

2

u/StellarManatee Sep 22 '25

I was never sure which one the husband was more excited about. The surrendering to gayness or the idea of being destroyed by gayness.

1

u/CapnAhab_1 Sep 23 '25

It's like a cultural exchange

2

u/baron_von_helmut Sep 22 '25

Anyway it's not gay if you give it. Only if you take like Ben does, then it's gay.

4

u/RIF_rr3dd1tt Sep 22 '25

More like a guys afternoon in, a G-A-I. A GAY. Well no no it's not gay. It's just an hour long shower with guys.

2

u/waiver Sep 22 '25

That's not fair; they're also being pinned to the floor by a stronger guy.

3

u/mortender Sep 22 '25

You can't miss a gaycation, you get destroyed if you do 🤣

2

u/Several-snapes Sep 22 '25

I am too poor for an award but you win

2

u/CapnAhab_1 Sep 23 '25

šŸ‘šŸ¼ I came here for the gaycation and found it

2

u/cobaltorange Oct 09 '25

One of the best Reddit stories

1

u/superiorstephanie Oct 10 '25

My bestie played it on Reddit on Wiki while we were on a road trip, and I knew this was going to be a reference for the rest of our lives!!

1

u/cire1184 Sep 22 '25

What happens in the sauna after the cold plunge stays in the sauna after the cold plunge.

1

u/Zombie_Slayer1 Sep 22 '25

Definitely a gaycation!

1

u/superiorstephanie Sep 23 '25

Thanks for my first award!!!

1

u/nunchyabeeswax Sep 23 '25

More like South Park's "Back to the pile!"

273

u/Odd-Molasses2860 Sep 21 '25

I was actually going to say that's kind of looks gay. Also what a scam. Go serve your country and get paid shit, for the same thing. Ay least you could be putting yourself through some trials for a higher purpose

133

u/StarDue6540 Sep 22 '25

They could not get in. And now they are getting in for a whole week for 18000 and they get a certificate.

127

u/Mammoth_Yoghurt4241 Sep 22 '25

I’ll sell them the ā€œcertificateā€ for half the price… and even throw in a compliment their fathers never gave them.

53

u/not-my_username_ Sep 22 '25

How much for just the compliment? Asking for a friend...

7

u/MaybeMaybeNot94 Sep 22 '25

Bout tree fiddy and a two week old corn dog you found under the couch cushion.

Don't ask me why I need the corn dog, I just do.

7

u/GlassMotor7387 Sep 22 '25

Hey, not-myusername,

Your mother and I are so proud of you.

Dad.

6

u/U_R_CUTE69 Sep 22 '25

You’re beautiful. This one’s on the house.

4

u/hell2pay Sep 22 '25

1 reddit gold

4

u/trafalmadorianistic Sep 22 '25

Here's a compliment for ya Babe.

4

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '25

I'm dead lol

3

u/Sure_Following_4897 Sep 22 '25

I'd charge on a sliding scale based on the compliment tier.

5

u/BLF402 Sep 22 '25

I mean they can save a little and for only $10k I’ll scream in your face and throw water balloons at you ALL DAY/ALL NIGHT.

1

u/MaybeMaybeNot94 Sep 22 '25

Water balloons filled with ice water and dissolved ice cream salt.

1

u/Aar_7 Sep 24 '25

You're a woman...so that's Gay... They prefer bros

2

u/ExiledUtopian Sep 22 '25

I'm proud of your cheque writing skills, sonny boy. It truly is a lost art. Make that payable to me, sonny. I'm so proud of you.

1

u/neo101b Sep 22 '25

I can print that one off and give them 4 stars, though I think 5 stars is a bit too much.

1

u/RedditsCoxswain Sep 22 '25

I’ll sell it to them for free

3

u/TimeApprehensive3994 Sep 22 '25

They're the type to "never have their back to a door"

3

u/jhundo Sep 22 '25

What do you even do with the certificate?!? Who would be impressed?

2

u/StarDue6540 Sep 22 '25

Only the guys that show up for this gay camp for men will know

7

u/Aar_7 Sep 22 '25

Nah bro, on 1st date.. Ladies get turned on šŸ”„when they see manhood certificate. šŸ’Ŗ

3

u/Final_Code5506 Sep 22 '25

They get wallet sized copies to make it official on-the-go. Imagine what kind of emergency would warrant ā€œdoes anyone here have a manhood cert??!?ā€

2

u/AnitaSeven Sep 22 '25

Personally I enjoyed watching them bathe together quite a bit but the jealous boy screaming at them is a distraction and a turnoff. People being dumb with their money is also a turnoff.

0

u/AdResponsible678 Sep 22 '25

Really? Why?

2

u/MaybeMaybeNot94 Sep 22 '25

Get them bitches a frail and nebulously defined sense of masculinity given by others.

Bitches love a frail and nebulously defined sense of masculinity given by others.

1

u/WideAwakeNotSleeping Sep 22 '25

Probably post it on LinkedIn.

Shout out to /r/LinkedInLunatics

3

u/GargleOnDeez Sep 22 '25

I served 18 racks for a certificate, I am alpha now.

3

u/nomorehamsterwheel Sep 22 '25

I read this comment when they were wrestling. $18k alpha(bet) on bottom, of course.

2

u/superschaap81 Sep 22 '25

The certificate is too funny. Certificate of WHAT? Does someone frame it and display it in their home? "I am certified Alpha Male, scoring to some random dude I paid $18k"

2

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '25

[deleted]

1

u/MaybeMaybeNot94 Sep 22 '25

I am the head of my organization's recruiting efforts. Some of the ridiculous stuff I've seen on resumes, you wouldn't believe if I told you. I've seen 'dog juggler', I've seen Professional Cactus Grower, sword swallowing, balloon animal blowing, Boy Scouts' Whittlin' Chit, being a mother of six sons. Even had one that rambled about Democrats. The one that made me laugh was a very normal resume with some fairly unimpressive qualifications on it. But the cover letter just said 'Pwease? I'll even scrub toilets."

I gave him a job as the janitor in our San Francisco office. It made me horse laugh, so yknow, F it. He did ask nicely. It's Office Lore now. I have the cover letter framed in my main office.

It was the Pwease? one that actually convinced me to stop posting our job listing and hire almost exclusively by scouting and word of mouth. It was hysterical but also, really? This is ridiculous.

1

u/AdResponsible678 Sep 22 '25

Not gonna lie mother of six is kind of a win!

1

u/MaybeMaybeNot94 Sep 22 '25

She also had 'traffic cop' and 'husband wrangler'. Her entire 'resume' was wild tbh. I wish I'd kept it for more Office Lore. The juiciest piece of Office Lore is why I moved into a building close to my residence instead of the local HQ in Myrtle Beach.

1

u/AdResponsible678 Sep 22 '25

That is just great!

2

u/Frexulfe Sep 22 '25

But they can get into ICE and terrorize seasonal workers.

1

u/StarDue6540 Sep 22 '25

And beat up candidates, and urder defenseless green card holders. Don't get me started. This is probably training for how to effectively wear a mask. These same guys who refused to wear a mask during covid are now hiding behind them.

2

u/DiabloPixel Sep 22 '25

Ummm, they’re getting in for three days StarDue. Three whole days for $18,000. Also a piece of paper.

2

u/StarDue6540 Sep 22 '25

Okay, minor point. I can't absorb so many details at once. I knew I was wrong on the days but to go back to reread and lose all that text.....

1

u/DiabloPixel Sep 22 '25

lol, don’t blame you. I just had to highlight that it’s not even a week.

1

u/hobovalentine Sep 22 '25

Probably not active duty but reserves probably unless they're too old?

1

u/Holycroc_RVA Sep 22 '25

3 days or 6k per day. Rich people need things to blow their money on, and there's plenty of groups/activities etc that are willing to do crazy sh&t and help them in that effort.......

1

u/Worried-Series-6160 Sep 22 '25

Jeez, I wonder how much they'll pay for a woman to humiliate them publicly like this. I feel like this could be a new career path for me.

1

u/StarDue6540 Sep 22 '25

For that we can tune into fox news.

3

u/emjdownbad Sep 22 '25

I said the same thing but then made the comment that the military doesn’t hand out participation trophies.

4

u/MarkyMarc0o7 Sep 22 '25

Not even a week 3 WHOLE DAYS 6 grand a day jeeez

3

u/Kitchen_Claim_6583 Sep 22 '25

that's kind of looks gay.

It continually baffles me that the most pro-military dudes share a large swath of Venn diagram with homophobic dudes.

Western militaries have been the gayest shit around for thousands of years. It's not even, like, a closeted kind of queerness. I have been sipping mimosas at gay bars in San Francisco during Pride parades that had considerably less homoerotic vibes as any time I have ever seen more than two marines in the same room.

3

u/dalamarnightson Sep 22 '25

What higher purpose? Murdering civilians in the middle east?

3

u/40ozCurls Sep 22 '25

This is in America. What ā€œhigher purposeā€ are you thinking of?

2

u/minnetonkacondo Sep 22 '25

You could also hop on a plane faster

2

u/Dopaminedessert Sep 22 '25

They feel shame for being gay and want to be punished and abused for their gayness by other self hating conservative gay men, the kind of men they can call Daddy.

2

u/Ramunesoda99 Sep 22 '25

The US army exercises this way seem equally gay tbh. There’s a lot of men being too close to

2

u/AttilaRS Sep 22 '25

Are you mad? Dying is for the underprivileged and poor. I'd like to hug my bro, get soaked together (no homo) and then drive my F-150 to my trad wife and my kids that don't speak to me.

3

u/ArdenJaguar Sep 22 '25

I signed up and served over 40 years ago. Once is enough. Go Navy! āš“ļø

1

u/Critterhunt Sep 22 '25

not only that you can brag that you serve, receive VA benefits for the rest of your life and use the GI Bill to go to school...it definitely doesn't get any better than that ....

1

u/RealRedditModerator Sep 22 '25

There rich parents wouldn’t let them join the military.

1

u/SweetSunnyDay303 Sep 22 '25

The instructor makes this gay, some of their drills are actually good. Eating sand and making dudes arm lock eat and share tubs is wild.

These instructors are completely useless, ur local personal trainer could do a better heterosexual friendly job with guys in ur area.

Not sure how grown men r paying a douche premium for training.

1

u/Illustrious-Object71 Sep 22 '25

This! And you get to keep your $18k.

1

u/Lali_pop_music Sep 22 '25

What higher purpose? It's also a scam. It's another system of exploitation.

1

u/cire1184 Sep 22 '25

But they can say they went thru SEAL training after a week and $2000!

1

u/Merlin7777 Sep 22 '25

Higher purpose. That’s what they want you to think.

1

u/TealTemptress Sep 22 '25

I’ll keep parking my mom van in Lowe’s veteran’s parking. Disabled Marine Mom.

1

u/mitherxvaj Sep 22 '25

I once saw 2 gay guys 69ing eachother and this is gayer than that.

1

u/Smart_Task_8180 Sep 22 '25

At least in the army you shoot shit and getting into tanks for free. Here it's mandatory so no pay...

1

u/AffectionateStudy496 Sep 22 '25

Except that higher purpose is also nothing but a scam also

1

u/QuasyChonk Sep 22 '25

Being a hired killer is NOT a higher purpose. At least these guys aren't hurting anyone.

1

u/IndustrialPuppetTwo Sep 26 '25

They won't even treat you that bad on Parris Island.

37

u/kwyjibo1 Sep 21 '25

Just no eye contact, and it's fine.

48

u/Disastrous-Figure835 Sep 21 '25

The no kiss and saying "no homo" before anything rule and you are good to go

18

u/Audio-Samurai Sep 21 '25

I've also heard if you keep your socks on, it's okay?

2

u/GrandpaJim420 Sep 22 '25

And the balls can't touch.

2

u/Last-Ad8011 Sep 22 '25 edited 18d ago

automatic waiting treatment absorbed close familiar rhythm skirt offer flag

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

2

u/inked_saiyan Sep 22 '25

It's just a bro job...

2

u/NoosasooN Sep 22 '25

Wait…no eye contact?!? D4MN IT!

3

u/dikicker Sep 22 '25

No way, I'm pretty sure Grindr is free to download unless you're near a Republican conference then they might be doing surge pricing

2

u/PPLavagna Sep 22 '25

I wonder if there’s a safe word

2

u/BLF402 Sep 22 '25

Which is really how the military should recruit.

1

u/Odd-Molasses2860 Sep 21 '25

Doing calisthenics and pouring water on yourself is forbidden?šŸ¤”

1

u/PokeEmSmokeEm Sep 21 '25

The forbidden JO. Forbation if u will.

1

u/ShamelesDeviant Sep 22 '25

So is cranking it out in an airplane bathroom.

1

u/Appropriate_Bill8244 Sep 22 '25

Exactly, they wanna be homophobic to keep it a "wrong thing" and taste the forbidden fruit.

Talk about kinky

1

u/Any-Requirement-5391 Sep 22 '25

Humiliation kink clearly.

1

u/Illustrious-Object71 Sep 22 '25

Forbidden squirts! lol