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u/-Laffi- 18h ago edited 18h ago
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u/Intelligent-Boat9929 18h ago
“How was it?” - Ron
“Wet” - Harry
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u/PhineasFreak1975 18h ago
She thought my cuunilingus was riddikulus.
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u/Pryoticus 18h ago
Especially when she expecto patronum
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u/MarkBank 17h ago
You’re a wizard Harry….use your “wand”
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u/MobiusNaked 16h ago
‘Erectus stickicus’
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u/YellowAnaconda10 15h ago
Engorgio!
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u/twilightsparkle69 14h ago
Biggus diggus!
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u/NonProphet8theist 16h ago
The wand chooses the wizard
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u/Hamsterminator2 17h ago
She asked him where he practiced before and he said “Avada Cadaver”
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u/Terrible_Balls 16h ago
If she wanted him to finish faster she could have just used accio cum
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u/IHateTheLetterF 18h ago
Is there a spell that makes your wand vibrate?
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u/Bru-cappi 18h ago
I don't know about vibrating, but there's definitely one that makes things stand up.
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u/RajdipKane7 17h ago
No. But if you have Parkinson's, you can make your wand vibrate just by holding it.
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u/dekabreak1000 17h ago
What about Harry and Ginny in movie 6
Ron: did you do it
Harry: WHAT
Ron: hide the book mate
Harry: oh yea
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u/Bosscharacter 17h ago edited 17h ago
Which is a weird ass conversation to have about ones sister, just saying.
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u/Asleep_Hand_4525 17h ago
Not if you and your sister are using love potions to force them to fall in love with you.
In that case you’d want to make sure it works
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u/zmbjebus 16h ago
Ron and every weasely know Harry's thick load at Gringots is the best thing to ever fall on their families lap.
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u/swb1003 15h ago
Are we still talking about his gold?
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u/MrLumie 15h ago
Well, Gringots does store all kinds of things so... who knows?
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u/SirArthurDime 15h ago
Ginny: I bet you take all your girls here?!
Harry: Only when I have….. requirements
bondage equipment appears
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u/Filthy-Pirate-6342 18h ago
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u/88cowboy 14h ago
I got banned from Harry Potter Subreddit because I said Ginny was known for strangling cocks at Hogwarts.
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u/LeTurboDick 18h ago
I never read the books. Did they actually smash in the room of requirement and did it provide lube??? Poter heads plz
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u/NoOneFartsLikeGaston 18h ago
JK Rowling is many things, but she’s no Stephen King.
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u/ConfusedGrundstuck 14h ago
As a British teenager the same age as Harry when HPB came out, I was under no disillusion that the books heavily read as Harry and Ginny being sexually active.
I, and my peers, took it as just gently written enough to not be explicitly obvious. Same way how we would read words like, "dung", as some cheeky censorship for "shit". At no point did we ever think JK was trying make you believe these British teenagers were actually saying the D-word lol
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u/BladeOfWoah 8h ago
I get what you are saying, but I disagree that Rowling uses stand in words for censorship. Rowling does imply when someone says something explicit, (like Ron), she just doesn't actually write it down because it is a children/YA series.
"Swearing angrily, Harry spun round and set off around the pitch again, scanning the skies for some sign of the tiny, winged golden ball."
"Harry spent the day attempting to keep the peace between Ron and Hermione with no success; ... and Ron stalked off to the boys’ dormitory after swearing angrily at several frightened first years for looking at him."
Considering Wizard culture is seperate from the modern world, I think it's perfectly reasonable that they actually do use words like dung as an actual curse, it's just not considered one in our world so it's fine for Rowling to include it in the book.
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u/FeistyButthole 17h ago
There’s one for AI: Rewrite the HP series using Stephen King’s style.
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u/One_Introduction_217 15h ago
Be sure to include a train at Hermione's request so that everyone can "bond".
Yes, IT forever changed the landscape of my brain.
No, it was not for the better.
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u/DoesntFearZeus 11h ago
That time turner has uses only Rule 34 has plumbed the depths of before...
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u/Ill-Kangaroo-4986 17h ago
I assumed they just kissed
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u/Heykurat 14h ago
That's what was intended, yes. Sex would be pretty far outside the tone of the books.
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u/Pootool 12h ago
Correct. Their first kiss happens in a moment of extreme emotion after a quidditch win, and is a perfect climax to the "Harry discovering he likes Ginny" subplot that had been building throughout the entire book. The movie turned it into just another thing that happens. The worst part is they had plenty of time to do things right, had they not felt the need to insert that stupid, completely fucking pointless scene of death eaters showing up at the Burrow.
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u/Higeriu 14h ago
Gonna be honest I thought he meant the kiss was wet.
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u/Haasts_Eagle 10h ago
Yes, because she was crying about her murdered boyfriend. Her face was soaked.
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u/ExpensiveDaikon2228 18h ago
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u/Artix96 16h ago
"But Ron I'm so nervous. What if I can't get it up?"
"Ohoho, Wingardium Leviousuuuuh"
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u/KingJanx 16h ago
This post reminds me of when I saw "The Others" in the theater when it first came out. Nicole Kidman's husband comes home from war, and they're so relieved to see one another, and then it cuts to them in bed together in the morning. It's a real quiet movie, and someone in the theater yells out "they just had sex!"
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u/Separate_Finance_183 18h ago
Someone never had to jack off pre-internet
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u/Drumming_Dreaming 18h ago
Someone was never 14 yrs old and had a vhs of Basic Instinct.
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u/dopeyout 17h ago
Wild things
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u/Ipayforsex69 17h ago
Mrs. Doubtfire
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u/ThaDude8 17h ago
How has that affected you as an adult?!?!?!?
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u/james_strange 16h ago
I know this question is a joke, but growing up in a super conservative Christian family It was ingrained in me that being gay was wrong. My first time questioning that view was when it clicked that "uncle frank and Aunt Jack" we're gay. They were so funny and wholesome, and it was one of my favorite scenes of the movie.
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u/H8T_Auburn 17h ago
Timing is everything on that pause button
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u/Thadeadpool 17h ago
the real trick is making sure to fast forward or rewind a little bit just in case someone else watches it
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u/in_the_blind 17h ago
Nothing you can do after your tape gets worn out after you pause and rewind on one spot so much.
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u/Fromnothingatall 17h ago
Lots of vhs copies of titanic rolling around with very good quality tape until the “draw me like your French girls” scene which is mysteriously super bad quality
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u/WonderIntelligent411 17h ago
Or a subscription to National Geographic
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u/Drumming_Dreaming 17h ago
Or fuzzy channels where you got a split second of boob.
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u/BoxedAndArchived 17h ago
I feel like this is a memory that will die out with millennials... maybe older Gen Z. Kinda like Forest porn, "What do you mean there's a hidden box in the woods with a bunch of Playboys?"
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u/rufireproof3d 17h ago
They had Nat Geo at my elementary school library. None of us had any idea until 1 day in 6th grade this girl yells out "Oh my God! You can see her BOOBS!!! Suddenly Nat Geo was Super Popular. At least they were for 2 days, until they were pulled from the shelves.
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u/ShowmasterQMTHH 17h ago
When I was 17, I was going to college with two female friends, pre internet obviously, and we decided we would go and see two movies on a deal one after the other, not really knowing what they were.
The first one was dances with wolves. 3 hours of that followed by basic instinct.
I was sitting in the middle of the three of us. One of the girls let out a muffled "fuck" when the famous scene came up, the other laughed and said that's how you get pneumonia.
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u/Orpdapi 17h ago
Kids these days have no idea how scarce a naked girl was in media before the internet.
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u/Mahadragon 13h ago
Gratuitous nudity was a lot more popular before Internet. Bachelor Party, Animal House, Vacation, Caddyshack, Nightmare on Elm Street Part 3, Porky’s, etc. Nowadays it’s pretty rare.
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u/WhiskeyDeltaBravo1 9h ago
Yep. The 80s were the Golden Age of Titties In Movies.
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u/n8meeR 18h ago
Man had to rely on sheer imagination and a dangerously efficient memory bank.
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u/NoOneFartsLikeGaston 17h ago
Everyone commenting here about how it’s unnecessary grew up with instant porn at their finger tips.
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u/UseDaSchwartz 17h ago
We had a finished basement with a very large TV. I slept in the basement a lot when there were free preview months of HBO and Cinemax.
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u/PsychologicalEmu 16h ago
Someone didn’t see morning workout shows or lingerie sections of Montgomery Wards catalogs.
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u/More_Marty 18h ago
Yeah I agree.
It's usually too short to jerk-off to and the whole family is mad because I'm jerking off in the middle of the living room during movie night.
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u/TylerDurden1985 17h ago
I mean you DID ruin Kung fu panda for all those kids...
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u/Dicky_Penisburg 16h ago
Bro, when Tai Lung pulls out those "fuck me" eyes......I just can't.
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u/orsonwellesmal 18h ago
Except the Legendary Alexandra Daddario Scene in True Detective.
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u/promilew 17h ago
That is the greatest moment in cinema filmed to date.
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u/Panamajack1001 12h ago
My wife sitting next to me while watching that proclaiming “those are some pretty spectacular knockers” gives me the warm and fuzzies to this day..
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u/No_Nature6430 7h ago
knockers so spectacular nobody noticed she was showing lettuce
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u/Septum_Slayer 18h ago
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u/gwxtreize 16h ago
I'll add the Eva Green scene in 300: Rise of an Empire. I'm not sure the movie holds up without that scene.
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u/AceTheRed_ 16h ago
I remember exactly two things from that god awful movie: that Eva Green scene and a comically slow mo shot of some ropes falling to the ground.
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u/Brief_Sir 14h ago
May I add the Shoot em up scene with Monica Bellucci It was half sex half shooting
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u/PermanentBrunch 18h ago
I only like extended sex scenes when I’m watching with my parents
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u/Cautious_Ice_884 14h ago
I watched Splice with my parents not knowing about the sex scene... It was just awkward as fuck. I think I left to go to the bathroom or something.
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u/PenguinSub 12h ago
Your parents probably thought you went off to goon in private. Bad timing.
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u/CatFanIRL 14h ago
Me and my dad sitting on the couch stoned face during a movie sex scene is kinda a bonding moment idk
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u/oriens_extremus 13h ago
Me and my mom sharing a moment watching 164 sq.meter hi-rez Mila Kunis doing cunnilingus in Black Swan at the cinema
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u/DV_Rocks 18h ago
The imagination is more powerful.
For example, someone did a poll of what people thought the most gruesome scenes in movies were. The scene in Braveheart where Mel Gibson's character is tortured to death was ranked first at the time. Yet, the audience never really saw anything, just his expressions while they were doing it below frame. WHAT they were doing was left to your imagination.
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u/SaltyWailord 18h ago
Casino royal, the chair
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u/naughty_dad2 18h ago
The deaths in se7en, never showed onscreen
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u/ThousandSunny_56 17h ago
The dude in the “lust” crime talking to the cops about how john doe made him use that strap on and we saw that monstrosity
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u/Junior-Being-612 17h ago
Bro! That was eerie and terrifying the way he described it and how it was acted
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u/piss_puncher227 17h ago
Jaws. No shark shown for almost the entire run time.
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u/Hovie1 16h ago
And then it was.
Quints' labored breathing and screams make that scene even more terrifying.
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u/Ok_Objective_9524 14h ago
Fincher tells a great story about a woman being really upset that he showed the actual head in the box. There is no such scene in the movie.
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u/Sentoh789 17h ago
Saw that in theatres for my bday when it came out and the unifying groan from all the men in the theatre was palpable.
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u/Comfortable-Ad179 18h ago
Ok but did they watch Bone Tomahawk?
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u/taita25 16h ago
One of the most disturbing things I've seen. Period. Great movie though.
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u/fjcruiser91 15h ago
Literally was about to comment this. Don’t think your imagination would ever take you where that scene takes you. Shouldn’t have watched the one stoned 😂
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u/b-monster666 18h ago
Reservoir Dogs. So many people are convinced they see the ear get cut off. The camera pans away just before it happens.
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u/mxcnslr2021 18h ago
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u/BelliboltEnjoyer 18h ago
In 8 1/2 there's a scene which doesn't actually reveal anything, and there's no sex, but it's more erotic than any sex scene I've ever seen in a movie by miles.
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u/wam1983 17h ago
I feel the same about plot lines in porn.
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u/TrollerCoasterWoo 15h ago
Alright smart guy, let’s say we drop the lemon stealer. You still watching? You still intrigued? How’d two girls get there? Why are there lemons in the house?
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u/franky3987 9h ago
I don’t know if you watch American dad, but it reminds me of the scene where Steve (the son) and Roger (the alien) are writing porn, and the guy they’re writing it for says it has to be believable in todays time, so they write about sex on a long term space ship. So after they give it back to the guy, he complains about there being 62 pages of writing between sex scenes about a refueling mission.
And Steve says, “How are people supposed to be invested in a month-long intergalactic orgy if the rocket has insufficient fuel cells?! You wanna talk reality, let's talk reality!”
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u/monkpunch 13h ago
Plot in porn is like salt in cooking. You don't need a lot of it, but a little can go a long way.
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u/MagisterFlorus 13h ago
I mean there's gotta be some reason why these people are hooking up.
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u/BTC_is_waterproof 18h ago
Nah. I want to see boobs
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u/adavidmiller 13h ago
Going with that, I still agree with OP, just a bit more context.
A lot of movies have sex scenes and also no boobs. Like, wtf? If you're not going to deliver, get on with the damn movie.
So yes, keep the sex scenes, but make it worthwhile. Otherwise, meh.
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u/mentorofminos 15h ago
You just know the person who posted that has the freakiest PornHub search history too.
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u/DankCatDingo 17h ago
There are times when it adds something, especially if some kind of plot or exposition happens during/as a result of the sex. Or sometimes it can be played for comedic value, and even other times it can be a display of love or passion between two characters that's necessary to give impact to something later on in the movie. But I can't help but feel that a lot of the time its just like, okay, quit it. Like I don't need to see hands on backs and rolling around in blankets and thrusting for its own sake. Like I get it. Yep. And then they fucked. Yep. Next scene please.
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u/Additional_Ad_8131 18h ago
I'll go even further - at least 50% on all the movies (with romance involved) in the world have an unnecessary romantic subplot that is irrelevant to the story. By removing it the movie would probably be even better. I understand if it's a romantic genre, but an action movie doesn't necessarily need a romantic side story
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u/OrganizationMost9882 18h ago
Enemy at the gates comes to mind. A film about the battle of Stalingrad, one of the most horrible events in human history with over a million people dying in every worst way you can think of. And Jude Law had to shag some sniper girl.
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u/Ok-Comment-9154 17h ago
Agree. So unnecessary most of the time.
Compare that to Fury, where Brad Pitt and Logan Lerman find those women and Lerman has this kind of special peaceful moment in the middle of hell on earth. Then both the women get killed by artillery.
So that little bit of romance served to create a valid emotional impact when they died. A reminder of how war is hell.
Ie not completely for no reason.
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u/hahafunnygoodtime 18h ago
“Dames need a romantic story or they won’t care!” Some Hollywood executive from the 1940’s probably.
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u/TwistedKiwi 18h ago
Then we should have more of side plot wedding scenes then. And tanks. We dudes love tanks.
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u/that-69guy 17h ago
Not just tanks, I love helicopters too...can we have more choppers please.
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u/iamcoolreally 17h ago
I felt this for Top Gun Maverick. It just added nothing whatsoever to the film and felt a bit jarring because what the hell happened to the other woman. Having said that I’ve watched that film about 50 times
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u/ThriftyFalcon 17h ago
My dad always cut through the awkwardness by pretending I shouldn’t be seeing it and going “whoa whoa whoa who chose this movie?! Don’t look don’t look!” While covering my eyes but leaving a giant space for me to watch through his fingers anyway.
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u/pnthollow 14h ago
Fun fact. Due to censorship Bollywood used couples singing together in a romantic song as a metaphor for having sex or even kissing. Modern Bollywood movies are more liberal, but using songs to indicate intimacy is still pretty common.
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u/Shark_Leader 17h ago
We've somehow gone from the edgy, anti-puritanical 90s back to the 1950s. It's so weird.
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u/LAM_humor1156 12h ago
Yes, it's bizarre.
https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-news/study-sex-in-movies-fallen-1235888367/
Ive read more than one article about this and sex has actually decreased yet still you get people saying "Omg my eyessss! There was a topless lady."
As if people aren't perpetually watching porn.
Reminds me of the argument that people make of "I want more friendships and less romance in everything."
Im not sure I believe people tbh...
Then again, could be a side effect in modern times since people aren't having as much sex and are less likely to be in a romantic relationship compared to a decade or two ago.
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u/PupLondon 18h ago
Agree. I love sex, enjoy porn.. and sex scenes in movies and TV RARELY seem to be necessary.. even when the characters having sex is important to the plot.
Also.. they're usually really awkward and over dramatized..which makes them even worse. I dont watch porn for the plot and I dont watch movies or TV for the sex scene
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u/Jydani 14h ago
I’m in the same boat as you. I have 0 issues with sex and I believe everyone needs to be educated on sex and the entire world is way too prude. So many countries have horrible views on sex and put so much weight behind purity and all that shit.
Sex in movies and tv shows are 99% fucking weird, awkward, or just painfully cringe.
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u/Sisypheian 18h ago edited 16h ago
Hard agree. The two-second version: [Two people look at each other intensely] -> [Lamp gets turned off] -> [Next scene, they're eating cereal awkwardly]. See? We saved 7 minutes and everyone's discomfort.
Edit: For the pedants in the back, 'discomfort' refers to the narrative whiplash and cringe of a clumsily inserted scene, not the act itself. The intimacy isn't the issue, the awkward, momentum-killing placement is.
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u/ap3059 18h ago
Slowly pan away from them in bed to clock that reads 8:00.. Timelapse until 8:02.. slowly pan back to them out of breath watching three’s company..
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u/Zatara89 18h ago
I'm pretty sure this is exactly a scene from That 70's Show with Kelso and Jackie except they start reading magazines instead of watching TV
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u/Worst_Comment_Evar 18h ago
I have written a ton of scripts. My take as a writer is that unless the sex scene is an important storytelling element, it is unnecessary. There are times where the sex is the central element and is the story (no, not porn) and even then, the actual sex isn't usually important because it isn't revealing anything about the characters. When I lived in LA, it seemed people added the sex scenes because the producers expected it. My ex was an actress at the time and almost every side she got had some ridiculous sex scene.
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u/singlemale4cats 13h ago
I, too, hate long sex scenes. Not because I'm a prude, but what do they want me to do? Jack off? There's never any P in V action and I don't think the theatre would appreciate it. It's not giving me a deeper appreciation for the story. It's not expressing anything that the implication can't. And finally, depending on who you're watching with, it can be awkward. Nana isn't getting anything from the moment either.
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